Don't let the sheepish grin fool you

Greg James.At first glance it appears I have posted a picture of Greg Oden smiling and a smaller picture of Greg Oden laughing. Or is it Lebron James in both pictures? Or is it...exactly my point. Greg Oden and Lebron James are the same person. How sweet is that.

Lebron's identity crisis began with Sprite where, "Thirst" was the name of Lebron's alter ego. Thirst would complement Lebron's house and compete with him to obtain the last bottle of Sprite. A year later, "The Lebron's" by Nike comes out where TheBron does his best Eddie Murphy impression and plays four versions of himself. A few months after that, a man by the name Greg Oden miraculously appears in an Ohio State uniform who shoots free throws left-handed. Come on. As Nick has said, "Greg Oden looks like Lebron James after a tour in Iraq."

The two options thus are as follows and equally as likely: Either Greg Oden is actually Lebron James (remember, Bron didn't get to play in college...) like I have suggested. Or, Lebron fathered his first child at the age of three. Not that unlikely. This option could be supported by developmental problems that would arise from three year-old sperm. By that I mean Greg Oden ages four times faster than a normal man. Robin Williams had this problem in Jack.

The Hearts No-Hitter.

Winning in regular fashion at Hearts is for chumps. In this picture I shot the moon three times and on the fourth turn - when no cards are passed - I still collected no points and won in the minimum amount of turns necessary to reach 100. Notice that I chose my words carefully. The Hearts perfect game would be to shoot the moon four times in a row. This unbelievably rare feat I have accomplished twice, but without proof I don't expect you to believe me. In all honesty I've been trying for the perfect game for months now. All I could show you is my no-hitter. Whatever, you're still impressed.

Pauline, Michelle and especially Ben stood no chance to my overly

clever name of the number zero.

Life After Death Disc 2. When is last time you've listened to this cd in its entirety. Unless it was yesterday, it's been too long. This album rudely reminds you exactly how unbelievable The Notorious B.I.G was. The fact that Brooklyn Biggie fans still pour out a fifth on the anniversary of his death in no longer peculiar to me. I may pour out a fifth everytime his name is mentioned in passing. Christopher George Latore Wallace, the name of my next child, died at the age of 24. Twenty-four. To put Latore's age and ability into perspective, I've put together a list of people who would have to die today to leave this world in the same fashion as Biggie did:

Vince Young, Reggie Bush, Barack Obama, Roger Federer and Ryan Howard.

I hope that helps you appreciate Biggie a little more.

By the way - Don't forget that Tupac died the same year as well. I don't think you could imagine if both Reggie and Vince had their posse's shoot each other to death and what that would do to football. In fact, please don't imagine that if you are trying.

On that note I would like to divulge into what I find to be quite lame...

Ripping off Notorious. Rappers have sampled so many Biggie beats and used so many of Latore's epic lyrics that I myself could not possibly keep up with all of the stolen lyrics. Listen to Life After Death and you'll realize how you've eerily heard most of these songs before, but you still like Big's version better. I give you an example that absolutely stunned me. In Don't Fail Me Now, Mike Jones** says a clever lyric that I always thought was enjoyable. Mike claims that a girl is feenin for his semen. I laugh even now when I think about this lyric. However, Biggie came up with this line first in Nasty Boy. Search for "feenin" and you'll see. I was so embarrassed that from now on any good rap lyric I will claim as Biggie's until proven otherwise.

**He who will remain nameless. From now on I'm referring to Mike Jones as He who will remain nameless. Back in August, He Who I Copy (Jim Stanley) complained about the non-existent promise of The American Dream. It's under the "anti" section midway down in A message to Mike Jones. Read that whole post if you want, its pretty amazing. Don't read too much though or you'll see how much better Jim is than me, also lame. But that is neither here nor there. Where was I... ah yes, from now, just like in The Lord of the Rings, or The Village, whenever anyone says Mike Jones, I'll act as if they just summoned the devil.

If push comes to shove don't think I won't ban the playing of any He who will remain nameless songs in my apartment. I'll f-ing do it.

The Bodyguard. As you may know, right now I'm in Puerto Rico without Sportscenter. That is certainly lame, but what I've noticed having to read my sports news instead of watch it is that Tank Johnson's bodyguard is getting more press than Vladimir Putin. My goodness. After hearing that Terry Johnson (I knew his real name wasn't Tank) was shot at but wasn't hit I thought, nay, hoped I'd never hear of it again. There are two stories detailing the shooting of Terry's bodyguard and now a photo of the killer has been released! Am I insensitive or is absolutely not giving two flying shits about the slaying of a nobody

This man killed

another man. So.

bodyguard guarding the body of an equally lesser person NOT newsworthy. Lets clear up a few things - A 300 pound football player does not have a bodyguard, he has a posse. Someone in Terry Johnson's posse was not slain, he was shot (thanks Chris Rock). I should probably stop writing.

I'm not ready to talk about:

Terry's bodyguard (anymore). The Puerto Rican kid I saw throwing a baseball 80 yards on the fly... into a 10 mph win.

Some Troubling News

Before I get into what I think is sweet I have some troubling news. A recent google search with my first and last name has this blog as the first website listed. That is not good. Whilst I am still in the middle of applying to medical schools or other graduate school programs I can't necessarily trust that admissions committee members have the same sense of humor as me (or you for that matter). I've always tried to keep things appropriate but when I tested this theory on my father it took him no longer than "Malice and Pusha T's Lyrical Prominence" to advice strongly in favor of shutting down the blog. He also didn't find Usher's abortion terribly useful either.

So I know what you're thinking - Shut down the blog??? Is he crazy?? What a sell-out!!
Settle down. First let me reassure you that I am indeed a sell-out, but I will not be shutting down the blog. What may be necessary however is an alias or a changing of the blog's web address. This annoys me but hopefully it will be only temporary.

In the meantime, any of you who use google to find this blog are bad people. I'm not necessarily blaming you readers that I know of, because I think most of this may have stemmed from stalkers who read on facebook that I have started a blog but did not ask me for the link directly. But I could just be paranoid. In summary, the stalkers and any of you non-bookmarkers out there are killing my future.


As for actual substance, there will be none for now, maybe some later tonight if I want to. But only if I want to.

By No Means

I made it - kind of. This semester left me bloodied and gored and when Johns Hopkins found me unconscious they did not call my emergency contact. I can't say I'm particularly surprised. One thing I actually did learn this semester though is that I have quite an imagination when I'm sleep deprived. Hopefully you readers benefit from this because I imagined a lot of things that are sweet...

The transitive property would suggest I too have a laser, rocket arm. Peyton Manning and I have the same birthday!! How about that ice-breaker. I imagine the conversation would go something like this:

Me - Hey Peyton. Did you know that you and I have the same birthday?

Peyton - No way! That's pretty cool. What'd you say your name was again?

Me - I hadn't said it yet.

Peyton - Well Juan, Jeff Saturday and I were just on our way to Morocco to smoke quinalbarbitone and eat some authentic pastilla. Wanna join us?

Me - Sorry I can't. That sounds pretty fun though.

Peyton - Ya, you should probably study for your genetics exam anyway...
(Turns to walk away)
Peyton - Oh ya, don't forget that heterochromatin can spread into euchromatin and silence genes. I think its called position-effect variegation.

Me - Thanks. I'll try not to.


Malice and Pusha-T's lyrical prominence. Several lyrics within the epic Hell Hath No Fury album are worth noting. I suspect that I'll actually note all of them eventually. This particular line however made me smile more than usual.

I fly them in quick. I fly them out even quicker.
By no means, am I in love with a stripper

Malice is of course referring to T-Pain's I'm in love with a stripper. (I'm actually sorry about this link) I misidentified this song to be by Usher for so long that I now actually assume it is Usher. After Malice poked fun at T-Pain, who I associate to be Usher, it got me thinking that Ursher is really getting housed within the rapper community. This isn't the first time either - Paul Wall claims that he puts on two condoms because he "doesn't want to be in bed getting burned like Usher." Ouch. We all make mistakes Paul. And by the way Mr. Slayton, putting on two condoms instead of one is actually worse - you may get burned.

This reminds me - when is the last time I've heard Usher's Burn. Even though I like Usher, I do appreciate other rappers joking about a fairly serious situation. Laughter is the best medicine. Or maybe for Usher, The Morning After pill would be slightly better.


If I could emulate one man, it'd probably be Leo. Like an expensive whiskey, DiCaprio has grown to be quite tasty with age. I present to you his resume: The Quick and the Dead, Romeo + Juliet, The Man in the Iron Mask, Titanic, Gangs of New York, Catch Me if You Can, The Aviator, The Departed and now Blood Diamond. Also part of his resume, the woman standing next to him in the picture, The Giselle. I have seen all of the mentioned movies and was thoroughly impressed with Departed, Catch, Gangs and Titanic (the rest on the This is the face he makes after
someone yells, "Leo! I want to be you!!!"

list left me quite satisfied too). Giselle is alright I guess.
In summary, the man refuses to disappoint.

He is very selective with his roles and puts himself in situations in which he can succeed. James Cameron, Tom Hanks, Martin Scorsese (twice), and even Jennifer Connelly. His upcoming productions are Blink, The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt and The Chancellor Manuscript. You can bet I'll be watching.


Wheezy F. Your Reverend. I was listening to Stuntin Like My Daddy the other day and two parts of the song confused me. The line reads: "I'm a pipe and she's like a crack addict. She saw me cooking eggs and thought I was back at it." I don't know much about the production of crack cocaine but now we all know to be more cautious when cooking eggs.

For the second confusing moment I turn to you readers and ask for your help. If you listen carefully, when Wayne says "How you want it, show me my opponent....show me my opponent." During the "...." there are some interesting sounds. I can't really describe it so I'll just come out and disclose what I'm thinking. I think Carter says, "show me my opponent," then grabs some popcorn out of a popcorn bag, begins eating it, and with his mouth full repeats, "show me my opponent." Does anyone else hear that? Your input would be much appreciated.

Wondering where my lame... section is? I've finished school but haven't started the holidays yet. I have nothing to do but catch up on sleep and watch sports. (Shrugging shoulders) not much is lame to me right now.

I'm not ready to talk about:

Babel

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

My last final is the 19th and you can begin the countdown. I've already reached my lame duck phase of senior year and although its unimaginable for my focus on school to deteriorate any more, second semester has to get worse. The following though keeps me happy amidst looming and inevitable failure, for it is sweet...

Understandable Crimes. Take note of your emotions as you read this story. My feelings were all over the place when I read this. I was obviously happy that other people make irrational decisions when seeking out late night food. I felt upset that they were fired and also furious at the anonymous tipster who reported them. I laughed when I imagined their top speed of 5 mph for a three mile journey and I appreciated John Miller using "late night creep" to describe the event. I thought Jim Hall's reaction was overly harsh and my argument to him would be something like, "Come on, you've never been hungry at midnight?" Firing them "immediately" was unnecessary. The figures thrown at me about how much the Zamboni's are worth were unremarkable - people drive 75,000 dollar cars all the time. The most intriguing of my emotions is that of sadness. Honestly, I'm a little depressed because I think about all the memorable midnight food runs I've been on and these two individuals may have showed me up.

PS - I'm going to a hockey game tonight and I know I'm going to laugh when the Zamboni's come out.

The Ipod Hall of Fame. The Hall was created last summer and is meant to congratulate and recognize those playlists and Ipods that consistently rise to the occasion of musical greatness. Inductance is taken quite seriously and as a voter I don't think my Ipod has what it takes. I thought my BeerDie playlist may have gotten nominated but even that fell short. Even musical God James Stanley has fallen short of such honors (until recently) - although this may be because his Ipod is consistently stolen. This is no excuse though, because, to put it in sports terminology, Jim may be injury prone. Analysts say that Adam Ebrahim has potential, however his lack of focus and "on the go" mentality hold him back. Current Hall of Fame members include Jim Stanley, Jon Arnstein, Adam Durham and The Tombs.

I know what you're thinking - Wow, what can I do to make the hall? It is no easy task. First and most obviously you must have the songs. This alone will not do it however, because you must also have the playlist. Once your Ipod is rolling certain events must happen. Some way or another a party participant (not you) must comment on how great the current list of songs has been. His or her peers need to emphatically agree (if one of these happens to be a voter, that helps alot). The hardest part - after somebody has noted how great your songs have been, the next several songs must elevate the already noted greatness. An average rap song - my downfall - that plays directly after the party is specifically waiting for amazing songs really kills your chances (damn you David Banner). The Tombs is great at this - normally after one good song another follows, and another even better after that, and so on and so forth which is why The Tombs has made the Hall.

The Best Rapper Alive. Have no fear as I'm not going to get into Weezy F. Baby again. I simply wanted to let my few readers know that if you haven't already, you must download "Kingdom Come," by JayZ. I mean of course the song, not the album (identically named) although you can download the album too if you want. But only if you want to.

Unlike most rap songs, this one gives absolutely no warning before the beat and lyrics start. This essentially forces you to start dancing before you are ready and I've found that to be amusing whenever it comes on my playlist as I'm walking to class. Ya, I'll dance on my way to class, deal. A shoulder shake before you open a door is always fun.

"Lost One" deserves good mention too. Chrisette's voice calms me.

I've been looking for Alicia Keys. Me and Bob Dylan that is. Like some sort of musically induced pain killer, Modern Times, gives you just what you need to enter an altered state of mind. Thunder On The Mountain, Spirit On The Water and Nettie Moore are just three of the ten songs that can make you laugh out loud or cry yourself to sleep... all at once at the same time. My personal favorite line, which I just found out to be not what he actually says, is: I could live forever, with you preferably. Apparently he says, "I could live forever, with you perfectly," but I like what I heard so much better.


It's that time of year again when I would use a time machine to travel forward a week instead of back, so naturally I think some things are quite lame...

The Internet. When I want something that should definitely be on the internet, but isn't, I'm furious. I've been looking for the past three weeks for the Reno911 clip where Steed is pulled over by Lt Dangle and literally cannot find it. I've scoured the electronic universe and somehow still cannot find what I deem to be the most hilarious Reno911 sketch I've ever seen.

Steed and his hooker get stopped by Lt Dangle and Junior (I think) the night before his wedding with Clementine and he openly admits to driving drunk and possessing all sorts of drugs to the horror of the officers who don't want to arrest him. I lose it when at the end of Steed's tirade of amphetamines and alcohol he's consumed he says, "... uh and twenty beers." He ends the sketch by smashing a beer bottle over Dangle's head and driving away. This is especially funny because Dangle and Junior clearly state they don't and will not arrest him.

Unpacking. I think I need to admit to this as hopefully this will cause me to change. I never officially unpacked when I went home for Thanksgiving and I still haven't put all my clothes away from my suitcase from when I returned either. I may actually have never fully unpacked from when I went home for the summer. I'm that lazy and I'm not sorry about it and that needs to change.

I'm not ready to talk about:
The Rams, the Blues, People who don't click on my links that I provide.

The Best Rapper Alive

With the wind chill destroying my face I've decided to update despite the incredible amount of work I have to do this week.

The following I feel is sweet...

Lil Wayne openly suggesting that he is the best rapper alive. Since the best rapper retired of course. The more I think about it, the more I furrow my brow and slowly agree. For reasons I haven't come to terms with yet, whenever I'm at a party and Lil Wayne comes on, I turn to the first person I see and say as if I'm summarizing, "You know he's the best rapper alive." The beat and lyrics are the evidence and like a jury I merely deduce exactly what he's been saying. Jim and I had this conversation once. Stuntin Like My Daddy* was playing and we both actually took a moment to ourselves to confirm if we really did think he was the best rapper alive since Hova* and we agreed that he was. Not sold just yet? I present to you some of his artwork:

In Fireman Weezy Baby explains that his, "girls can't wear [those jeans]. Why? That's where [his] stash at." Keep that in mind ladies if you want to join Lil Wayne's posse - no low cut jeans. Later in the same song he notes that a girl is as "wet as a carpool" (More pool imagery later) and that he's "been handling the game so long [his] thumbs bruise." If I were a doctor I'd have to recommend to Lil Wayne that he loosen his grip on the game if he wants the swelling to go down.

Apparently Dwayne Michael Carter has been having issues with the nickname Weezy Baby. In Weezy Baby (featuring Nikki), Nikki lets people know that, "If you don't call him Weezy then you must say the baby. If you don't say the baby then just don't say it at all." My mistake Dwayne, it won't happen again.

In Bring it Back (featuring Mannie Fresh), Lil Wayne informs the listener that he, "don't need no pool, [he's] swimming in you." He also outrageously claims that he's in a "beamer eight hundred forty," which he of course follows with, "momma shake something for me." I had never heard of a BMW 840 and so naturally I thought it was fictitious - man was I out-classed. I'm sure he didn't mean to embarrass me though.

I've given you just a glimpse of the argument in favor of Weezy F. Baby's claim to being the best rapper alive. I learned the debate is certainly a hot-button issue at a highly offensive forum. I would prefer you don't read through it though as I am going to summarize the basic argument for you - I just felt the need to cite my sources.

You people need to give it a fu[my edit] rest,feeding into his bu!!sh!t.lil wayne ain't sh!t,and he definitely ain't the best rapper alive(jay ain't dead yet dumba$$e$).you people are freakin' idiots for liking this garbage.two reasons why i am justified for thinking this:one; lil' wayne substitutes quality for catchy a$$ lyrics and two;substitutes pure rhyming skill for million dollar beats

- posted by Jay Bryd

After sifting through that spectacular grammar and syntax I get the feeling Jay Bryd isn't buying what Lil Wayne is selling. I'll let SydVicious have the last word:

Jay byrd you a hatin ass [my edit]. If you dont like lil wayne why would your take ur time to listen to the best rapper alive. Last i checked jay retired. And nobody got that swagger like wayne. You see he really aint got that many features on the carter ii, cuz he dont need them hes the best rapper alive.

-posted by SydVicious

Good retort SydVicious. As the winner I can only hope you'll use your arguing skills to obtain some semblance of an education. And for the loser, Jay Bryd, hopefully you eventually learn to read.

I leave you with the image of Dwayne Carter the child. -->
Who would have thought this boy would grow up to become the best rapper alive. Since the best rapper retired of course.

I lied about SydVicious having the last word. I get the last word. Watch.



Ohio State. The Buckeyes shed the sad saga of Maurice Clarett and made the Fiesta Bowl to face a truly worrisome Florida group. For you Hopkins readers out

there, ask Adam why he fears #4.

Adam actually attended the biggest game in Buckeye history to date when they faced arch-rival and #2 ranked Michigan. Something tells me Adam actually supports this kind of behavior. I just realized this incident was before the game. If you haven't clicked on a link yet today, make sure you click on that one. All I'll say is that it's so Ohio State to scream their school name after a reporter just finishes a Bo Schembechler piece. I was torn between putting this section under lame but I decided the reporter makes it sweet. He keeps stunning composure and then reveals that he's already been having alot of trouble with Buckeye fans, "whose sobriety is highly questionable." I could post some pictures of Adam enjoying the victory responsibly, but I uh... well ya. I also noticed the second time around how pleasant looking the female newswoman is as well (holla).



*I'm thoroughly sorry for the chopped and screwed version. The regular version has been flagged for inapropriate content and mandates you sign in or sign up. (I'm actually not sorry about the chopped and screwed, but I am sorry about the inconvenience)

I'm not ready to talk about:

Bobby Martin.

I Just Bought A Cadillac

I didn't actually buy a Cadillac. Had I purchased one though, Rich Boy's posse would have had some pretty good advice for me. Advice that is certainly sweet...

Nothing But Trailers. The HDnet channel, which I think is only available with Directv, shows a half hour segment called Nothing But Trailers. The show is half an hour of previews for upcoming movies - all in stunning high definition of course. When I first discovered the show I scoffed out loud and mumbled "come on" as I looked around the room. Turns out nobody was in the room so I shrugged my shoulders and decided to watch. The program actually turned out to be really sweet. You get to see the full trailers of movies - not the short ones made for commercials. I decided to buy stock in the channel once I saw this. I was laughing so hard I think I answered the phone, laughed in to it and then immediately hung it up. Sorry if that was you.

This movie could potentially rival Borat. No that is not a typo.

Lights Out. Maryland's Shawne Merriman may have invented the best celebration ever. The 31 second mark gives you a little preview of the celebration, and the 3:01 spot tells the story best when he does "lights out" right in Peyton Manning's face. Props to whoever decided on Rob Zombie for the soundtrack too.

So I was crossing the street at night the other day when I noticed a man driving with his headlights off. His window was up so I couldn't yell and I only had a second really to let this man know before he passed me and instantly I thought to do the Merriman. The instant after that thought I realized how ridiculous that would look and let him pass. Maybe next time.

Maryland Basketball. 8-0 with a win against Michigan State and a big win at Illinois without Ekene. Mike Jones (Who?) Mike Jones and DJ Strawberry looked off and Maryland still won. They've got a squad this year with Vazquez being twice the guard Gilchrist ever was. I really wish Will Bowers would graduate already but with distractions like McCray and the aforementioned gone Gary Williams' incoming class looks already sold into his system. Even when Ibekwe gets into foul trouble - something he did alot (and I'm unfortunately sure will happen at least one big game in the tourney) - Bambale Osby (pictured) is his back-up. You know you're intimidated by this man.

The next game (Dec 3rd) is against Notre Dame and the only test after that before conference plays really starts is against Boston College. I see them going 28-3 and proving that idiot Lunardi wrong.


Now that I'm back in school, certain things are lame...

The MVA (or DMV). The Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration has really caused me to examine myself and how logical violence seems when dealing with these people. I have nothing more to write than blanket threats and horrible details which I fear will eventually come back to haunt me, so with this in mind, that's all.


I'm not ready to talk about:

The other solution to the MVA. The dream having died and how I've suddenly become an 8th seed in my conference tournament of life with a must-win situation in order to make the tourny.

Shout Outs

Well it appears my reader base is expanding. Apparently a female is reading the blog now, although she hasn't confirmed whether or not she plans on continuing. On that note I will present to you, the other 2 readers, something that she showed me I could easily describe as sweet...

I wish I could do this. Just listen. You may recognize this man - he does MadTV. I was impressed with Snoop, amused with DMX, and when he comes in with Hova I actually start smiling uncontrollably. This has to be the only time I can ever say I've been happy with something that an actor from MadTV did. Aries actually has a future filling in for any of those rappers on radio shows - much more of a future than doing MadTV.

Are you a 4th mealer? Something about Taco Bell commercials at 2 in the morning really hit the spot. How about a commercial that appeals to me during normal hours though. I'm writing of course about the commercial when the awkward chubby guy says, "I love you" quickly after his female coworker speaks. The transcript - since I can't find the commercial on youtube - goes something like this:
girl - crunchewesy
awkard chub - I love you
silence
buddy - awkward
chub - I love you
taco bell theme music

You have to respect his trying.

I'm clearly hungry and clearly watching TV. Two things I just saw on TV confuse me. The first is that BurgerKing has brought back the King, which pleases me greatly considering I thought he had gone. The second is the way they brought him back. For 4 dollars I can apparently buy an XBox game with the King, or the Big Hukin Chicken riding a motorcycle off of jumps and such. What a phenomenal idea. I'm not saying I'm going to buy the game as soon as I can (even though I am), but kids everywhere have to be loving this idea. Making 4 dollar playable XBox games staring characters representative of your fast-food business is certainly lexus. I look forward to playing - now I just have to get an Xbox. They have more than one game.


The following I feel is actually not sweet, but rather lame...

Don't listen to Gwen and be a holler back girl. Let me know if I'm doing a good job. You can contact me directly or if you really want to stick it to me you can post an anonymous "you suck" on the comment board. "You suck" however, would be a bit more obvious than Anonymous posting, "C-" on my previous entry. I'm not quite sure what that means, what it is grading, or why I received a bad grade should it be a grade. I went ahead and posted the comment despite my confusion to let people know what not to do.

I actually use the feedback too. For example, someone said all I write about is sports - who sucks now.

I'm not ready to talk about...

5 straight loses. Kramer.

Heart's performance in the playoffs was lexus.

That title will make some more sense after this post. The following I feel is sweet...

Heart*. Why did I place an asterisk by heart? From now on I will be replacing the word Kobe with heart and vice versa. Looking back on Heart Bryant’s performance (and celebration) in the playoffs last year inspires me to be a better person. I can think of no other player that displayed more kobe than he. Now he’s shed his old number and is the new Heart with “24.” Maybe this was because when Heart dropped an unprecedented* ocho uno to bring his team back from a 25-point deficit people claimed he shot too much. When he would drop a Nash like 17 assists in the playoffs in a losing effort people claimed he wasn’t shooting enough. I feel you Heart, I feel you. Shed the haters and continue to inspire kids like me.

(Keep in mind he hit a shot to put them down one, then tied up Nash for a jump ball, then hit the game winner... you tell me a better celebration)

Unprecedented*. This will also be the last time I use the word unprecedented. From now on I will use the word lexus in its place. The commercials keep getting more and more ridiculous and out of sheer respect at the uniqueness of what they’re doing, I’ve replaced the word in my vernacular. Adam has too.

30 Something. Adam and I were driving to the airport for my November break when we heard what we thought was a new Jay-Z song... twice. The radio station played the same song back to back. I don't think I've ever actually heard that happen before. I demanded Adam download the leaked song and send it to me immediately, which he did, and I thank him for that. This is my favorite line from the song:
"I'm afraid of the future, (why?) ya'll respect the one who got shot, I respect the shooter."
I don't really want to comment any further.

Top 10 video games off all time. When I return home for Thanksgiving I have my own little tradition of hooking up my Nintendo and Sega Genesis and delving into all of my games for those consoles. Beating Mario 1, Mario 3, DigDugII, MegaMan 2, Nintendo World Cup, Sonic and Contra (with the code of course, up down up down left right left right B A select start) are mandatory. Playing those games makes me happy. With this in mind I decided to see what games were considered the top 10 video games of all time - this website does a good job of showing alot of different polls. What would this blog be though if I didn't tell you what I considered were the 10 sweetest video games ever:
1) Super Mario 64
2) Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time
3) Goldeneye 007
4) Final Fantasy VII
5) Super Mario 3
6) Halo
7) Mario Kart
8) Madden 94
9) Grand Theft Auto Vice City
10) Guitar Hero (I haven’t played it but I trust Jim. Seriously, I do.)

The way I wrote this list was to ask myself - if I had only one game to play for as long as I wanted, which game would it be.


As you may know I’m home right now for Thanksgiving Break. My roommate Jason however has mandated that I call it my November Break because of how many days I have off. I bring this up because there really isn’t much I think is lame right now. I’m pretty angry Maryland has spotted BC 14 points, but I won’t use the blog to vent. There also was a rumor that I would be ready to talk about the Jimmy with the purchase of my new car. I honestly did write about it intending to post the section, but when I proof read it I realized it was the most depressing thing I had ever written and that I indeed am not ready to talk about…

The Jimmy. The added pressure after my SkyMall post. My inability to take chances.

**Special** On Flight Post

While waiting to use my approved electronic devices I decided to peruse this month’s SkyMall. I can remember as a child being blown away by the contraptions in this magazine. About four years ago however I suddenly realized that a huge majority of the gadgets in SkyMall aren’t actually inventions. 95% of the gadgets are actually overly glorified combinations of already simplistic devices. Nowadays I read SkyMall as a comic stip because I honestly have a good laugh at the uninspired “inventors” with their unremarkable “inventions.” Not to mention the hilarious pictures (A nice yellow lab in a dog’s life vest is smiling at me with how easy it has suddenly become to get back onto the dock with the new floating dock attachment ramp. Glorious). I’ve decided to expose SkyMall as a hilarious travesty because of what I read on page 104. Here it is:
Greetings SkyMall readers! Gadget Universe has been bringing the most innovative gadgets to the public for 10 years now. Help us celebrate our 10 year anniversary with some of our greatest innovations yet. Founder, Alexander Elnekaveh

Think of following then as a celebration…
(Italics = as appears in magazine)

Seascooter XL. “Zooms smoothly along the water at up to 2mph...”
All I’ll comment, as I am clearly no English major, is that the word “zooms” is wildly misused here.

You’ll never be locked out again if you have a KeySafe just outside your door!
No more plastic rock that blends oh-so inconspicuously in your backyard. Now we are literally telling criminals the key is inside this easily breakable plastic KeySafe. Now burglars don’t have to use their crowbar on the door lock, they can just pry off the KeySafe. It’s probably even easier than a cumbersome crowbar, all you really need is a hammer.

Pets like to snuggle-up when they sleep, especially on our Snuggle Balls. Your cat or dog will plop himself down on the Snuggle Ball, and may never want to get up!
I wish I were making this up. Not only hilarious, but a bit presumptuous as well.

Make every bedroom window an instant fire escape!
This picture is particularly disturbing. The mother has decided she would prefer to escape the burning house before her young daughter. The daughter is precariously extending one foot down to the ladder while holding on to the sill with one hand. She wears an expression that I can only describe as the Youngstown State mascot face (props for that SkyMall, I don’t expect her to be happy) as she climbs out with smoke pouring out of the window. Similar parenting probably led their house to be burned to the ground.

This reminds me of airlines’ questionable policy of putting the oxygen mask around yourself before your child. They stress the word before. I’m not exactly a parent yet but sorry Southwest, I think I’ll make sure my kid can breathe first. Boats are the only mass transportation that seems to have gotten the women and children policy correct.

Foldaway Ladder designed expressly for your walk-in closet. Need a boost to retrieve your out-of-reach items in your walk-in closet, but don’t want to carry in your big utility ladder?
A surprising no on that one, I prefer the utility ladder.
[Note – this is not an invention]

Dynamic Frames display photos that can change as often as life! It looks like a lovely framed collage of family photos, but as life changes, it’s easy to replace older pictures!
I have no comment.

Head Spa Massager, enter a state of euphoria.
Only if you say so Spa Massager.

In order to be fair and balanced, here is one that is actually pretty sweet…

The Electronic Optic Ski Goggles. These ski goggles use electronic optic technology developed for Air Force pilots, allowing the lenses to be manually adjusted from light to dark… the tint goes from light to dark when the internal liquid crystals are activated by the built-in 6-volt battery.
Now there’s something I want. I can’t believe I’m writing this – but only $200 too. That actually seems reasonable. I like how SkyMall is somewhat acknowledging here too that the invention isn’t theirs, but that they have gone through the trouble to steal it for you. I can respect that.

As my flight comes to an end I hope you two readers out there can now enjoy SkyMall just a little bit more than I’m sure you already do.
**Make sure you find the smiling lab picture I mentioned above. It’s a small picture, but truly priceless.



Jim found the picture. I speak for everyone when I say, thanks Jim.

Let It Rain, Clear It Out, Lets Get It

As you may know this weekend is my Sports Weekend Extravaganza. The Maryland game in College Park on Saturday and the Arizona game in Charlottesville on Sunday will make for a nice two-team parlay both gambling wise and emotionally. Should Nick and I go goose-egg, well, I'm not ready to talk about that.

In the mean time, the following I feel is much like candy, sweet...

Rutgers beating Louisville. I'll keep this short - Rutgers is clearly not going to the title game, Louisville may have had they gone undefeated, and West Virginia is going to abruptly end the argument by beating Rutgers anyway. Nice.

By the way, Shiano got nailed in the head by the gatorade cooler, it hurt a lot even though he won't admit it.

Dogfights on the History Channel. Tonight at 10et. Every Friday in fact at 10et. The show is basically TopGun without women. I saw the premier last Friday and was blown away. The History Channel basically dissects actual airplane dogfights in several wars with the pilots narrating. They use flight simulators to animate the maneuvers and do a great job describing just how ridiculous these maneuvers are. After just one show I am willing to go out an hour later on Fridays. I hope tonight's show is as good as the first because I've been looking forward to it for 167 hours. This could be the easiest Dvd I've ever bought my father for Christmas.

Shake your money maker. Its ok if you don't but you'll be hearing this song all holiday season in the clubs. And why not. After murmurs of Ludacris' new album being pedestrian he did what any good business man would - grab onto Pharell's magic carpet and let it ride. As Adam would say, "he is fa real" and that's why I call Adam "the truth."

The Gears of War Commercial. I struggle to think of a better commercial for a video game. A few things about this commercial make me willing to pay $800 for the system and game. The first is obviously the song. It's from the Donnie Darko soundtrack and is called, "Mad World." The song is eerie yet soothing and mandates your attention. You know its a video game because of the graphics, which are a bit lost on YouTube, but my friends who own the game say that the commercial is identical to gameplay. By this I mean the cut-scenes in most video games are really sweet while the actual gameplay is not as sweet graphic wise, apparently not for this gem. The expressionless face when the marine/dude sees this insane robot alium thing is priceless. Thanks for not showing me the ending either because I'm still intrigued. Stunning.

Unlike the History Channel, the following is quite lame...

Bryan Pata. How many ridiculous things have to occur before the Maryland-Miami game. A terrible brawl that embarrasses their program, a great coach fighting for his job and a consistently underperforming Miami squad was what Maryland was already up against. Now the tragic death of a Miami lineman and what else could possibly galvanize this team more. This is the last thing Maryland needed. Yesyes I'mterriblyinsensitive I know, but I'm going to be miserable if an exogenously inspired Miami team in the midst of a meaningless season ends something great for Maryland.

Laura and Brian. These people were supposed to have sold me their car by now and some stupid form they needed that was supposed to take 3 business days (on last Wednesday) still hasn't come yet. Obviously I don't believe them and something is going on here that I don't know, but if I don't get this car on this coming Monday, I'm going to be furious.

I'm not ready to talk about:

Going 0-2 on the emotional parlay. The sign Nick wanted me to show at the Maryland game. Javon Walker or my title for this post.

Do you really?

If the Rams hadn't sputtered out miserably the week would have ended almost too well.

The following encompasses sweet...

Uruguay's Invasor. Howaboutthat how about that. It's true I didn't know Uruguay's "Horse of the Year" was even entered into the race, but that is why I'm even happier. What if I knew Uruguay's greatest was in the race and Invasor ended up finishing fifth or something - that would have been devastating. What is particularly sweet is that besides the much needed economic surge from a Texas oil tycoon named Jad investing 50 mil into a pure Uruguayan-blooded stallion, I actually ride horses every time I visit Montevideo. I hyped the last horse I rode so much last year that I referred to him as a luxury car - true story. I expect my apology soon from anyone who said I was exaggerating.

Jennifer Connelly. This is a picture of her in class at MIT in the movie, A Beautiful Mind. If women like this existed at schools like MIT, I would have tried a lot harder in highschool. You have to admit too that the director is not trying to make her look gorgeous in this movie, and that she can't help it. Sure there are some not so great pictures of her on the red carpet but if you can actually watch one of her movies and not fall in love then we can't be friends. I'm totally seeing Blood Diamond not just for DiCaprio now.
And by the way, if you've seen A Beautiful Mind recently, this was as close as I came to finding Connelly in the black dress.
Honorable Mention - Jenna Fischer - Jim knows this.

Lexus. Wow, I'm kind of embarrassed I jumped the gun a little. I had no idea that along with parking itself the Lex has 8 speeds too. Although, this kind of technology is, "unprecedented," so how could I have known. What an amazing ad-campaign. Lexus. Unprecedented (you have to say it with the accent). Some more eye-candy.

ps - I just realized I can't imagine how fun it would be to drive an 8-speed. Eight.

Two things this week stick out to me as being lame...

Uraguay. You may have to enlarge the picture to see the proof. I was shocked and honestly somewhat offended. It's not often Uruguay makes the news, and this may be the first time Uraguay has made it. And how about the "might" in "might be the world's too." Of course he is, look at that godly creation, my goodness. Front page embarrassment too (sigh)...

Rappers targeting the listener. I'll give you some examples:
In Tha Block Is Hot, Lil Wayne raps about what he's going to do to the listener. "So watch your step... you better watch what you're playing with [or I'll shoot you in the neck]."
Or how about in Game Over, when Lil Flip claims he has my girl taking off her clothing. "I got your girl takin off her clothes," is the line. Apparently it is also my fault I let Lil Flip onto the track. And yes Lil Flip, I do hear you.
I still enjoy both those songs but I wouldn't mind not being threatened or made paranoid about the fidelity of my girlfriend.

However, I must admit that I thoroughly enjoy Juvenile defending Peyton Manning to the listener. Juvenile is, "a young black peyton manning of rap, getting his snaps. And also, [Peyton] only rides in the year that he's in, because he don't feel the year is bigger than him. So let the boy be."
I couldn't agree more Juve. Well said.

Halloween Special

The following I feel is sweet about Halloween...

People who try. If you know me then that statement should surprise you. I'm normally that kid at the bar who sees a classy guy in a nice suit buy a good looking girl a drink and charm her with a witty line and says, "man, what a loser, he smacks of effort." But Halloween is different - a good costume really made my night. Dr. Feltersnatch OB/GYN, Borat (the accent was key), Ali G (even though it was so last year). The winner, even though I thought of it as unprofessional, has to be the mounted police. A policeman had the rump of his horse painted with a jack-o-lantern, and a good one too. I didn't get to pet his horse, but I did pet a different horse, which may or may not have absolutely made my night.

Group costumes. This may be a subset of people who try, but group costumes are certainly sweet. The Average Joe's dodgeball team, Legends of the Hidden Temple teams, Nickelodean Guts, garbage bag bees (Jim's gem) and the mounted police of course.

My and Adam's costume (left). We clearly tried, we were unique and we were a group. The mounted police just barely edged us out of first place. A live animal always beats a rubber mask.

Reminiscing. Sharing Halloween stories is always a treat. There were those good houses that gave out kit-kats or nerds. Then there was that stupid dentist who gave out toothbrushes - sweet buddy. Then occasionally the crazy lady would make her own candy, which rightly so was not allowed to be consumed. We all had our stories and they were sweet to share.

The following is lame about Halloween...

The Facebook. Although I enjoy looking through the pictures to see people trying (see above), but at around the 40th new person having posted their Halloween pics I realized the posting was not pure of heart. Empirically these people who are motivated to dress up for the wrong reasons are those in sororities and fraternities, which makes it worse. Lame I feel is actually a very appropriate word to describe those people who put on a costume just to take thirty pictures of themselves and post them at 6:30am the next morning.

I'm not ready to talk about:

My original costume idea.

Homeless People Make Great Dancers

Well I'm feeling inspired. I hope you enjoy this...

The following I feel is supremely sweet...

Homeless men dancing for money. I'll try and paint a picture for you because the appearance of this man should not be understated. So the base image here should be a homeless man - by this I mean unshaved and generally dirty. His hair was untamed and upright and of course he spoke terrible English. Adam and I were in a white subaru outback on a typical city street at night in Baltimore. He approaches the car wearing navy ripped pants and a hoody three sizes too small. We gave him the no-go before he got close enough to car to ask and what happens next is the whole reason I'm writing. He approaches the car in front of us passenger side from the sidewalk. He sticks out his hand and drops his shoulder as he begins the dance. He does a shoulder shake, involves his head in rhythm, bends his knees and brings them apart. He then shakes his hips appropriately, flares one of his legs out sideways (Adam and I are slack-jawed watching at this point) and then sticks his arm out again for money revealing his toothless smile. We absolutely lost it. The only thing that kept me from throwing all my money out of the window as the light turned green was that I was paralyzed from laughing so hard.

This of course begs the question of whether or not it would be appropriate to ask homeless people to bust a move before giving them money. I think the word we decided on was, "terribly inappropriate."

Saying, "I reckon." Webster defines "reckon" - 1) to settle accounts 4) to accept something as certain. Just because hoosiers predominately say it doesn't mean we shouldn't. In fact, its more fun saying it with a southern accent when somebody asks you a question.
Hey man, want to go to the movies?
Yep, I reckon.
All I can say is try it and I reckon you'll enjoy it.

[As an aside] Whenever you hear hoosiers say, "I reckon that about settles it," tell them that they are being redundant .

Easily winning political arguments. You may wonder how I win all my arguments concerning politics. I'll let you in on a secret of mine. Whenever your friend begins to argue an especially liberal topic, respond by calling them comrade. Here's an example:
"And that's why labor unions are needed."
"Sure comrade."
Amazing huh. You automatically imply they are communist and if other people are around, they'll start to stare. Nobody likes to be considered communist so they'll immediately tone down their argument.

Lexus. The car can parallel park itself in between two giant champagne glass pyramids. Sick. You apparently can't get out of the car completely because you have to control the braking, but still I'm not going to hate on it. Just because the feature is simple doesn't mean it was easy to create. What makes this development sweet as well is that this is just a taste of what cars are becoming. I'll let your mind wander now.
Lexus also came out with the first hybrid SUV and lets face it, the SC430 is lush.

The Departed. If you haven't seen the movie I understand, but if you aren't planning on seeing it you're crazy. I won't spoil anything and I'll try not to over-hype it but the humor within the context of the movie is unprecedented. That, and it is so Scorsese. That is all.

Although not much has been lame lately, the following I feel is still pretty lame...

The Sun setting so early. Five o'clock and its dark outside. What makes this worse is two weeks before daylight savings I was complaining that the sun sets too early. I followed that by wrongly assuming daylight savings would correct this. Wrong - just the opposite actually.

Not returning my phone calls. This woman, Laura, was supposed to call me back to let me know whether or not I can buy her hoopty. She hasn't yet and I left her a message last night and still nothing. I'm calling again today - right now actually. I just finished calling.

I'm not ready to talk about:

The phone call I just made. Jay-Z and November 2nd.

Still Looking For My Breakout Week

My Picks (7-14-0)

UCLA -1.5 vs Washington
Nebraska -6 at Oklahoma State
Miami +5 at Ga Tech
USC -10.5 at Oregon State
Vanderbilt -9 at Duke
Michigan State -7 at Indiana

Chiefs -4 vs Seahawks
Bucs +9 at Giants
Titans -3 vs Texans
Panthers -5.5 vs Cowboys
Jets +1.5 at Browns
Colts +2.5 at Broncos

A Small Seasoned Curlies

I've had a few one of a kind experiences this past week so I'll get right to it.

The following I feel is sweet...

Scamming The Korean Students Association. The honors go to www.pizza-cards.com. There is no need to click on that link, the website is currently "under construction," (and will be forever) but do notice the poorly worded sentences and basic grammar mistakes. The scam is pretty great. The KSA bought these magical pizza cards that apparently allow for a free medium pizza whenever a full price large pizza is bought. The only problem is that the cards are fake and Dominoes doesn't accept them. The KSA bought the cards online - from a different website of course - for 210 TJ Ducketts. I, and especially Kaz, tip our hats to this scam.

The Budweiser Ad-Campaign. Since I can remember Budweiser has been dominating TV commercials. Now they are even putting out gems on the radio. This one is my favorite. This one reminds me of Steven Cohen and this is simply hilarious. How about the Busch Light commercial as well: Two guys and two supermodel girls are riding ATV's in the backcountry of some amazing mountain range when they pull up to a scenic stream and crack open their Busch Light bottles. The girls look ready to party too. To somehow make it better, Blues Traveler's "The Mountains Win Again" is the soundtrack. I actually wanted to drink Busch Light at that moment.

I'm sitting here watching the Fox Pre-game show before a huge game four and the Fox pre-game crew leads me right into what I feel is lame...

Animated TV shows not named the Simpsons. Or the occasional South Park. How many animated shows have to completely flop before networks stop embarrassing themselves. Futurama tried to pave the way after the Simpsons - not so much. Not even close actually. Then there is the paradoxical Family Guy. Somehow Family Guy is sweet enough to obsess about when its out on DVD but not a single person will watch it when it shows four times a week on regular TV. I would love for people to stop saying Family Guy is "amazing" when they won't even watch the new comeback season premier. American Dad - I've seen one episode - the one after the superbowl, very pedestrian. I can't believe I'm going to actually acknowledge how bad Drawn Together is simply because its not even worth that. I haven't even seen a single episode, but I'm sure its the worst show on television. Somehow Freak Show is also on the list of television shows not cancelled yet. I'm getting so angry just thinking about how bad these shows are I'm done.

I'm not ready to talk about.

Rainouts and how they affect my plans. An unprecedented six game road trip during my November break.

I Almost Forgot

My Picks (2-5-0)

TCU -12 at Army
Auburn -31 vs Tulane
Miami -17 at Duke
Texas -5 at Nebraska
Arizona +2.5 vs OregonSt
Houston -6 vs UTEP
Colorado +14 at Oklahoma
Oregon -3.5 at WashingtonSt

Chargers -5.5 at Chiefs
Patriots -5.5 at Bills
Eagles -5.5 at Bucs
Jets -3.5 vs Lions
Vikings +6.5 at Seattle
Cardinals -3 vs Raiders

Gentlemanly Nature Consumes Me

What a series.

The following I feel if looked up in the dictionary, would be under alternate definitions of sweet...

Our Vernacular As We Accept It. I'll jump right into my example: I take you back to whatever day it was that the words "happy" and "gay" would have their respective meanings and connotations. They are synonyms of each other, but historically the connotation for the word "gay" has evolved to mean homosexual. But what if it was the other way around?


-I hate how girls like to go to happy bars.

-Its hard to hate Reggie Bush because he looks so gay when he's playing. You know, and if he's gay, I'm gay.

-That girl looked amazing! Skirts like that make me gay.

-Did you see her boyfriend?
-Ya I did. Man does he look happy. So happy in fact, that it makes me gay thinking about it.

-Phew, I'm so gay he turned out to be happy.

Feasting Like Kings. Eebs and Kaz have decided to make an elaborate meal. The theme is Jack Daniels and the starting lineup involves a Turkey, Sweet Potatoes, Stuffing, and Giblet Gravy et al. I tried not to attach myself too much to this because the letdown would be devastating if it fell through. Last I heard the food has been purchased and the feast is on. And that's what I think is sweet, feasting. Every now and then its good to live like an emperor. For some reason, whenever I think of feasting, I think of that scene in "The Sword in the Stone," where Sir Ector and his eldest son are eating whole chickens and turkeys and throwing the scraps to their dogs. Remember yet? He has to do the dishes after the feast, Merlin helps him out, then his dad and older brother come down and try to fight the dishes. Needless to say Eebs and Kaz, I look forward to the meal.

The 37 People Who Agreed With Me In Wyoming. These maps are always sweet.

"Pimp Juice," by Nelly. You know you want to put your feet on my rug. It's that simple. [15 minutes later] Oh my goodness gracious, I just found this video, point and case. <---- This makes me gay. Very, very gay. The following I feel can be described as lame...

Fat Pat is Dead!!! When did this happen? I'm so angry. I grew up in Houston for first grade through 8th grade and during that time I started liking rap. Before Bun B, Paul Wall, Lil Keke, Big Pokey and Mike Jones there was Fat Pat and his 25 lighters. I never did figure out what that means - and now I won't get to ask him. Take my word for it that he's dead, but if you absolutely need proof, Big Hawk in Clint Dempsey's terrible song is wearing a "RIP Fat Pat" t-shirt. Eebs showed me this video and now I'm twice as angry he did. I just think it's lame this will never happen again. Wow.

The White Noise in the Library. I'm listening to it right now. It's quite noticeable and it probably does the exact opposite of its intended purpose. I'm usually listening to music when I'm in the library anyway, but now I'm forced to. For the longest time I thought the speakers were experiencing some kind of insane interference, and then when I went to complain to the librarian that the problem hadn't been fixed she lied to me and claimed "white noise." Its so Johns Hopkins to treat us like animals and do this.


I'm not ready to talk about...

The Cardinals. He who will remain nameless (Starts with an E).

I'll Have What He's Having

What a weekend for everything St. Louis and Cardinals. The St. Louis Cardinals as you may have been watching learned the hard way that Josh Hancock is on the Mets payroll and apparently the normal laws of physics don't apply in the Edward Jones dome. It doesn't stop there though: The Arizona Cardinals imploded, this slightly annoys me, the Ball State Cardinals lost to Central Michigan, the Louisville Cardinals didn't even cover and the Lamar Cardinals are clearly the Lamar Cardinals. The only team St. Louis that won was the Blues - but they are actually terrible so it doesn't really help. The following I feel defines sweet...

Twenty on Twelve. I don't really know how to tell this story. If you read last week's post you may remember I was but hours away from accompanying John, Zach, Andrew and Eebs to Atlantic City. The trip turned out to be pretty boring. Here's why: I lost $150, Eebs lost 500, John 650, Zach 900, and Blumberg lost a stunning 1.1k. That's a lot of money. A nice fraction of the losings came from craps. The night of craps started with me. My first time rolling was dreadfully average but my second time around I actually lost everyone at the table upwards of 500 dollars. It was terrible. The only person who had a somewhat decent night rolling was John. Feeling pretty bad we decided to go play roulette. After about an hour or so at the table with a pleasant, encouraging Indian girl and her classy, articulate boyfriend, John grew bored and decided to put $100 on red. Needless to say he lost. Blumberg had seen enough. He decided he was going to make us all a lot of money by putting 20$ on the number 12 until it hit. He put 20 on twelve a grueling 35 times until finally he decided to cut his loses and walk away having lost 700 dollars. After that catastrophic display of gambling we all decided to leave. To make matters just a little bit worse the breakfast place we visited was out of steak and eggs and there was traffic on the way home (which there wasn't on the way up). What a disaster*.

*By the way, this could be a language barrier thing, but I just realized that instead of "lost" I apparently meant "won" and any synonyms of "terrible" should actually be synonyms of "amazing." I may have told the exact opposite story actually. Sorry for any confusion.

Chipotle. The place refuses to let me down. Black beans, half chicken half steak, corn salsa, a little bit of red, sour cream, cheese and a little bit of lettuce. That's what I tell the people. They like me.

Lately alot has been quite lame...

New York Rain. Biblical flooding must be occuring in New York City these days. At four o'clock on game day, this is four hours before the scheduled game time of 8 et (which is actually 8:45), I heard talks ofpostponingg the game because as the ESPN correspondent put it, "It is pouring." At 7:30 the game was ppd'd. Unbelievable - how does it rain that long. I'm no scientist....Actuallyy I kind of am - Every inch of rain is equivalent to 6 inches of snow. I checked this with some website that says 10, but instead of selling out and putting 6-10, I'm quite sure its 6, that site can screw itself. Anyway, it rained something like 6 inches in NYC.That's 36 inches of snow and absolute insanity.
I had my nightly plans and everything. The best part about baseball at 8 is that it ends at 1230. A nice time to go to out afterward if its a win and equally nice to go to sleep in the fetal position furious if they lose.

My Girl Does Not Have A Girlfriend. That probably doesn't make much sense. Either way, what I'm referring to is the fact that I did end up seeing that girl I said I wasn't going to ask out, and I didn't (this was 30 minutes ago). The one other time I actually grew the stones to do something like this it worked out amazing. It turned out terrible, but still. Granted she was at a big table of people when I saw her, but still, fack.

My So-called "Picks" Section. I did so poorly I'm sticking with it. Only because I need to prove to people I'm not a complete d-bag. In an ideal world you two readers out there would check this before making any wagers. Just so that you don't scroll down or check the spreads to see how poorly I did, I'll go ahead and tell you I went 2-7 and a 1-4 on my "specialty." Now that is a poorly told joke.

Mike Wilbon. He's sitting at a computer in the library right in front me. I'm not joking. I tried to explain to Altair who Mike Wilbon is just so that she can back me on this.

LimeWire's Glitch. So for some reason when I search for... anything on LimeWire the first two options are: "Affordable Music for .50 cents" and my personal favorite, "Looking for a Date: Call Me." Really. I didn't know Brooks and Dunn are looking for a date, and that I should call them. Fascinating.
I'm realizing right now this probably means I have a virus and at the least a tremendous amounts of SpyWare.

Haircuts. I need a haircut pretty badly. Nothing abnormal, but I'm conflicted because I'm thinking I may want to grow it out again. I received such a negative response last time I had it flowing that I don't know if I can take that kind of martyrdom again. I say martyrdom because Nick is doing the mane justice currently. I love it by the way, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. So what is actually lame you ask? People that hated on my unstyled, ungroomed, girl-like hair a year ago. You know who you are.

I'm not ready to talk about:

Comments that may or may not have been said with regards to Blumberg's hitting of 20 on 12.

New Section and My In General Hypocrisy

I've got a real treat for all of you two readers out there. I've added a new section.

My Picks(I'll attempt to never justify these by the way)
Over 36 Broncos/Raiders
Cardinals +10.5 vs Bears
Ravens -3 vs Panthers

As you can see the NFL isn't really my thing, NCAA is slightly more my specialty
Iowa -19.5 at Indiana
Florida -2 at Auburn
Louisville -25 vs Cincinnati
Miami -26 vs Fla Intl

More important than those shots in the dark is why the new section?
The Following I feel is sweet...

Cleaning up my life. As you may have heard me say numerous times, I'm trying to clean up my life. This entails drinking less, gambling less, and watching less sports**.
With this new free time I can do things like actually ask a girl out (see Barking section) and stop embarrassing the family name. How am I doing you ask? Well I haven't cut down on drinking per sae and although I have completely stopped gambling on Sportsbook I am leaving with my friends in three hours to Atlantic City. I haven't seen that girl yet I'm planning on asking out but I'm sure when I do, I won't. You see, we haven't exactly "spoken" to eachother. As Coldplay says, nobody said it was easy. I'm sorry I quoted Coldplay.

**Cardinals, Rams, Mizzou, Terps and Blues don't count. And keeping up with the Browns, Cavs, Zona and UConn because I'm a good friend doesn't count either.

Death Cab for Cutie. So far I have yet to download a bad song. I just recently acquired "Different Names for the Same Thing," and "You Will Be Loved," and both hit the spottie ottie dopalicious. I will admit that I have a tendency to obsess about songs that appeal to me, so I'll just leave you with that.

All SportsCenter Commercials. Seriously all of them. I challenge somebody to find one that isn't hilarious. I present to you the full version of the newest gem and an absolute personal favorite. And anybody who has ever heard me say, "never heard of him," I stole it from this.

Wow. The SportsCenter commercial search has shockingly led me into what
I feel is lame...

Youtube's Lack of SportsCenter Commercials. I couldn't find any of the LeBron James commercials, the Kenny Mayne home run calls, or the Dwayne Wade one either. I'm actually quite furious about this. Up until this point I had been YouTube's biggest fan. I am stunned. Granted I couldn't find those commercials on google either, but still. *If anybody finds the Kenny Mayne home run calls commercial, please link it on my comments section. (The one where he's trying different calls, "Its never iffy, if its griffey." "The simplicity of the game amuses him" et al.

My Posting This Section Literally an Hour Late. I was - swear on Belliard's life - going to type as my next section title, "People talking about the Rams." Then when I went to Espn.com to search for the commercials I couldn't find, Bill Simmons had an article essentially saying the exact same thing. Adam can back me up on this. After Chris Berman on Monday Night said, "nobody's talking about the Rams, who are 4-1" I immediately said, please don't, I want them to continue under the radar. Now, after a youtube let-down no less, I see Simmons has beaten me to it. I'm visibly distressed. You know what, this is going under

I'm Not Ready To Talk About

My late posting, The idea of losing money at AC (in t-minus 2 hours).

ps - After proof reading I've realized I hate all of my picks. This section could easily be short-lived.

Bring on the Metropolitans

Its been quite a week. I had, count 'em, three tests this past Monday all during an amazing makeshift fall break.

The following I feel is sweet...

Playoff Baseball. For now at least. I was outspoken about not watching baseball for a year if the Cardinals completed their historic collapse and although its unreliable to say this now, I was serious too. I am still a little worried that I'm fighting the inevitable though. Here is my beef - if I was so ready and emotionally committed to leaving baseball for a year, then will the Cardinals winning the World Series actually erase that? Will anything erase the sweep? Honestly, I don't think so. Although I'm still not saying that 100%, I am as close to believing it as I can imagine. As of right this instance though, I'm happy. I'm happy I can watch baseball every night if I choose and twice on some days. I'm happy that even after Carpenter walked in a run, I still believed he would get out of it. I'm happy Jimmy is hitting and so is Me Encarnacion. This leads me into my next subject that without a single doubt in my mind deserves its own section.

Ronnie Belliard. I loved Ronnie on the Indians the moment Adam introduced me to him and I have actually been following him fairly closely ever since. He is easily my favorite player on the Cardinals. Let me qualify that. I love appreciating everything he does. He plays on the outfield grass. He actually plays so far back for some hitters, its borderline disrespectful to the game. I love it. I love that I can tell when he's trying to go yard as well. 1st and 3rd, one out? What's that Ronnie? You just swung so hard you fell over, then when the camera zoomed in on your face you wore an expression that said, "I'm slightly annoyed at the notion of baseballs being thrown in my direction." Wherever you are Ronnie, I love you.

Touching Boobs - The Childhood Dream. I'm not trying to be lewd here so you can honestly keep reading. I was looking back on my childhood the other day with Adam and Jason and I realized something that was absolutely fascinating. I believe that around the 7th grade every male wants to touch them. The only problem was, as kids, what were we actually thinking we were going to do. Whether you are a guy or a girl, seriously stop right now and think what the plan was once you allowed or were allowed to accomplish such a goal. I mean, this feat had, and still has, its own "base." Thinking about that made me realize how insanely silly my childhood dream of touching boobs was. I am certainly not implying that it wasn't fun or completely appropriate, I just think things like that during childhood are amazing.

Would it make any sense now to stop at second? If anyone has heard their friend say, "Ya I made it to second. Phew, finally. I thought it was never going to happen." Absolutely not. Nowadays you don't stop at second, you get thrown out at second. The line reads, 1-3, single, CS. Its happened to me. That's right, not even that long ago. You know, whatev

Comedy Central Picking Up Scrubs. The show is great. Not only that, its perfect for Comedy Central. It started as one of those shows that was good, but clearly not ready for primetime on a big network as its audience is fairly specific. So it didn't work out on NBC or whatever network it was on originally but from what I've seen so far, it's working very well on Comedy Central. This leads me right into what

I feel is lame...

Comedy Central and Mad TV. Does anyone watch Mad TV??? Seriously, I've given it a fair chance, the show is just absolutely terrible. It's on Comedy Central for around... 16 hours a day too. What the myunk is up with that? Somebody needs to lose their job over this. How is Mad TV actually still being shown. Its probably as funny as Carlos Mencia.

Talks of Trading A-Rod/Firing Joe Torre. Have I gone crazy? Did I just read on Espn after the Yankees lost that Joe Torre was going to be fired? Well order appears to have restored itself somewhat today as the rumor has been lifted. Still, A-Rod trade rumors still fly. I'm not getting into the argument, I'm really not. All I know is that with so much hate in the air, Adam and I have decided to become the biggest Alex Rodriguez fans out there. Keep hating, we don't care, we love him. Not only that, we love him as much as you hate him. So the more you hate, the more we love.

I'm not ready to talk about...

So called "Tone" and his video taped escapades, Women's shirt sizes.

30 and Counting...

Well its half an hour before game time and I decided to try and update before the game actually started because if the Cards start losing I would have smashed my computer.

I've also decided to take Jim's advice. The following I feel is sweet...

Barking at good looking girls. Now I know this sounds ridiculous but what is the other alternative? Talking to them? Come on. Two girls at Tombs this past weekend were staring at John and I and when we asked them if they wanted to dance they said, "we don't know you." So that's true, they didn't know us, but that's what happens when you talk to good looking girls. I'm not saying I bark obnoxiously, but I wouldn't say its under my breath either. I just let my instincts take over because I needed something with more class than whistling.

Barking actually works well because it can vary. If you see a girl that you think is hot but are not sure, you can kind of sniff in her direction and wait till you get a better look. Or, if that same girl turned out to be butt, you can whimper and turn away. The system is near perfect, actually barking at women is the only flaw.

Songs that hit the spot. We all have those songs that hit the spot, the ones that get your head bobbing or really hit you and get you to rock out/have a moment. I'll throw some examples at you from different genres to better show what I mean.
Death Cab, "The Sound of Settling"
Death Cab, "Soul Meets Body" - if you're not rocking out after the 2:07 mark something may be wrong with you
Blues Traveler, "The Mountains Win Again" - 2:28 to 3:32 is a particularly great spot
Interpol, "Untitled"
Interpol, "NYC"
Nick Lachey, "Whats Left of Me"
Brad Paisley, "Mud on the Tires"
Young Dro feat TI, "My Girl" - the intro may be perfect for what the song is about
and last but not least Puff Daddy's "It's All About the Benjamins" - verse five

*the game started - my mood is now out of my hands, eckstein had a nice AB, Duncan struck out, the franchise is up, Peavy's pitches are doing the 23 skidoo

YouTube/Horrific Injuries. This was tough because [Pujols just struck out, f*&^ me] a comment my friend Nick made to me has been in my head. I was watching one of my favorite horrific leg injuries [Dave Roberts just got on] and Nick interrupted my hysterical laugher with, "you know, you're destined for a horrific sports injury laughing like that." [carpenter just got robbed on 0-2, I'm furious, that was a strike, this is ridiculous] Well if that's true then I'll never watch another video again because this arm break is particularly terrible (make sure your sound is up). I only included what I consider the worst leg and arm injuries. If you haven't clicked on those links yet I would actually [Molina has such a cannon, Giles didn't leave the box and got doubled up, nice] suggest that you not. You have to admit though [that wasn't even close, carpenter looks nice] that when the kick boxer tries to put weight back on his leg that he just folded over his opponents shin, that that is freaking hilarious.

So what has been bothering me lately? The following I feel is lame...
[Edmonds first pitch swinging/out, great job Jimmy]

Aim's Triton. The interface is whack and the lack of separate windows for conversing is disastrous. I have accidentally written something inappropriate on the wrong tab because I forgot to change several times - this didn't happen with separate windows. Plus now I have to involve the mouse whereas before I could just alt-tab. [Rolen, out, no surprise] [I just lined out, whatev]

Milk Expiring. If it weren't for milk [Piazza looked dumb, nice work carpenter] I wouldn't have to go to the supermarket every week. Cereal is so integral to my mornings [Belliard's got Branyan's liner... oh my god, Peavy has a blister says the announcers, this could be amazing, quick work for carpenter, I likes] that I can't really just phase out milk. Plus why does it have to get so disgusting when its expired. The smell is unnecessary. [Belliard single, I love him so much, Adam knows this]

I'm not ready to talk about...
The Fray, My car

Well I hope you enjoyed, I'm going to watch the rest of the game and depending on how things go, I could be updating sooner than later.

The Beginning

I stopped being able to resist. I was in my economics class today when I checked Jim's most recent update of his fantastic blog when I lost my composure. There is no denying that reading Jim's blog makes me happy, in fact, I've become so emotionally attached to it that when I check for updates and there are none, I get upset. So I'm in economics losing my composure and I decide that I should give this a shot in the hope that maybe one person can obsessively check my blog the way I do Jim's. So here's to you Jime:

I am pro...

Stealing Jim's format as well. Pro and anti is great. It gets right to the point and will keep me from rambling. See, I'm done already.

Fox NFL Network. For some reason unknown to me the game was televised in Baltimore. This made my day. I so rarely get to see Ram's games on TV that I almost forgot how bad Travis Fisher is at corner. I have no clue how networks go about deciding which games are on TV - I mean, I have an idea, rivalries and regional make sense - but I would like to thank Fox for showing the Rambos. Geez, I'm getting emotional about it still. Thanks.

I am anti...

Applying to medical schools. I'm actually just mad that I haven't finished yet, so I'm gonna work on it now, the blog was and hopefully will continue to be a nice distraction.

So I have to come up with something original:

I'm not ready to talk about...

Quite obviously these are the things I'm just not ready to write about for various reasons. The great part about this segment is that I usually won't talk or write about it for such a long time that it will probably become irrelevant.

The Cardinals, Keystone, Camelot and Van Persie's goal.