I Just Bought A Cadillac

I didn't actually buy a Cadillac. Had I purchased one though, Rich Boy's posse would have had some pretty good advice for me. Advice that is certainly sweet...

Nothing But Trailers. The HDnet channel, which I think is only available with Directv, shows a half hour segment called Nothing But Trailers. The show is half an hour of previews for upcoming movies - all in stunning high definition of course. When I first discovered the show I scoffed out loud and mumbled "come on" as I looked around the room. Turns out nobody was in the room so I shrugged my shoulders and decided to watch. The program actually turned out to be really sweet. You get to see the full trailers of movies - not the short ones made for commercials. I decided to buy stock in the channel once I saw this. I was laughing so hard I think I answered the phone, laughed in to it and then immediately hung it up. Sorry if that was you.

This movie could potentially rival Borat. No that is not a typo.

Lights Out. Maryland's Shawne Merriman may have invented the best celebration ever. The 31 second mark gives you a little preview of the celebration, and the 3:01 spot tells the story best when he does "lights out" right in Peyton Manning's face. Props to whoever decided on Rob Zombie for the soundtrack too.

So I was crossing the street at night the other day when I noticed a man driving with his headlights off. His window was up so I couldn't yell and I only had a second really to let this man know before he passed me and instantly I thought to do the Merriman. The instant after that thought I realized how ridiculous that would look and let him pass. Maybe next time.

Maryland Basketball. 8-0 with a win against Michigan State and a big win at Illinois without Ekene. Mike Jones (Who?) Mike Jones and DJ Strawberry looked off and Maryland still won. They've got a squad this year with Vazquez being twice the guard Gilchrist ever was. I really wish Will Bowers would graduate already but with distractions like McCray and the aforementioned gone Gary Williams' incoming class looks already sold into his system. Even when Ibekwe gets into foul trouble - something he did alot (and I'm unfortunately sure will happen at least one big game in the tourney) - Bambale Osby (pictured) is his back-up. You know you're intimidated by this man.

The next game (Dec 3rd) is against Notre Dame and the only test after that before conference plays really starts is against Boston College. I see them going 28-3 and proving that idiot Lunardi wrong.


Now that I'm back in school, certain things are lame...

The MVA (or DMV). The Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration has really caused me to examine myself and how logical violence seems when dealing with these people. I have nothing more to write than blanket threats and horrible details which I fear will eventually come back to haunt me, so with this in mind, that's all.


I'm not ready to talk about:

The other solution to the MVA. The dream having died and how I've suddenly become an 8th seed in my conference tournament of life with a must-win situation in order to make the tourny.

Shout Outs

Well it appears my reader base is expanding. Apparently a female is reading the blog now, although she hasn't confirmed whether or not she plans on continuing. On that note I will present to you, the other 2 readers, something that she showed me I could easily describe as sweet...

I wish I could do this. Just listen. You may recognize this man - he does MadTV. I was impressed with Snoop, amused with DMX, and when he comes in with Hova I actually start smiling uncontrollably. This has to be the only time I can ever say I've been happy with something that an actor from MadTV did. Aries actually has a future filling in for any of those rappers on radio shows - much more of a future than doing MadTV.

Are you a 4th mealer? Something about Taco Bell commercials at 2 in the morning really hit the spot. How about a commercial that appeals to me during normal hours though. I'm writing of course about the commercial when the awkward chubby guy says, "I love you" quickly after his female coworker speaks. The transcript - since I can't find the commercial on youtube - goes something like this:
girl - crunchewesy
awkard chub - I love you
silence
buddy - awkward
chub - I love you
taco bell theme music

You have to respect his trying.

I'm clearly hungry and clearly watching TV. Two things I just saw on TV confuse me. The first is that BurgerKing has brought back the King, which pleases me greatly considering I thought he had gone. The second is the way they brought him back. For 4 dollars I can apparently buy an XBox game with the King, or the Big Hukin Chicken riding a motorcycle off of jumps and such. What a phenomenal idea. I'm not saying I'm going to buy the game as soon as I can (even though I am), but kids everywhere have to be loving this idea. Making 4 dollar playable XBox games staring characters representative of your fast-food business is certainly lexus. I look forward to playing - now I just have to get an Xbox. They have more than one game.


The following I feel is actually not sweet, but rather lame...

Don't listen to Gwen and be a holler back girl. Let me know if I'm doing a good job. You can contact me directly or if you really want to stick it to me you can post an anonymous "you suck" on the comment board. "You suck" however, would be a bit more obvious than Anonymous posting, "C-" on my previous entry. I'm not quite sure what that means, what it is grading, or why I received a bad grade should it be a grade. I went ahead and posted the comment despite my confusion to let people know what not to do.

I actually use the feedback too. For example, someone said all I write about is sports - who sucks now.

I'm not ready to talk about...

5 straight loses. Kramer.

Heart's performance in the playoffs was lexus.

That title will make some more sense after this post. The following I feel is sweet...

Heart*. Why did I place an asterisk by heart? From now on I will be replacing the word Kobe with heart and vice versa. Looking back on Heart Bryant’s performance (and celebration) in the playoffs last year inspires me to be a better person. I can think of no other player that displayed more kobe than he. Now he’s shed his old number and is the new Heart with “24.” Maybe this was because when Heart dropped an unprecedented* ocho uno to bring his team back from a 25-point deficit people claimed he shot too much. When he would drop a Nash like 17 assists in the playoffs in a losing effort people claimed he wasn’t shooting enough. I feel you Heart, I feel you. Shed the haters and continue to inspire kids like me.

(Keep in mind he hit a shot to put them down one, then tied up Nash for a jump ball, then hit the game winner... you tell me a better celebration)

Unprecedented*. This will also be the last time I use the word unprecedented. From now on I will use the word lexus in its place. The commercials keep getting more and more ridiculous and out of sheer respect at the uniqueness of what they’re doing, I’ve replaced the word in my vernacular. Adam has too.

30 Something. Adam and I were driving to the airport for my November break when we heard what we thought was a new Jay-Z song... twice. The radio station played the same song back to back. I don't think I've ever actually heard that happen before. I demanded Adam download the leaked song and send it to me immediately, which he did, and I thank him for that. This is my favorite line from the song:
"I'm afraid of the future, (why?) ya'll respect the one who got shot, I respect the shooter."
I don't really want to comment any further.

Top 10 video games off all time. When I return home for Thanksgiving I have my own little tradition of hooking up my Nintendo and Sega Genesis and delving into all of my games for those consoles. Beating Mario 1, Mario 3, DigDugII, MegaMan 2, Nintendo World Cup, Sonic and Contra (with the code of course, up down up down left right left right B A select start) are mandatory. Playing those games makes me happy. With this in mind I decided to see what games were considered the top 10 video games of all time - this website does a good job of showing alot of different polls. What would this blog be though if I didn't tell you what I considered were the 10 sweetest video games ever:
1) Super Mario 64
2) Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time
3) Goldeneye 007
4) Final Fantasy VII
5) Super Mario 3
6) Halo
7) Mario Kart
8) Madden 94
9) Grand Theft Auto Vice City
10) Guitar Hero (I haven’t played it but I trust Jim. Seriously, I do.)

The way I wrote this list was to ask myself - if I had only one game to play for as long as I wanted, which game would it be.


As you may know I’m home right now for Thanksgiving Break. My roommate Jason however has mandated that I call it my November Break because of how many days I have off. I bring this up because there really isn’t much I think is lame right now. I’m pretty angry Maryland has spotted BC 14 points, but I won’t use the blog to vent. There also was a rumor that I would be ready to talk about the Jimmy with the purchase of my new car. I honestly did write about it intending to post the section, but when I proof read it I realized it was the most depressing thing I had ever written and that I indeed am not ready to talk about…

The Jimmy. The added pressure after my SkyMall post. My inability to take chances.

**Special** On Flight Post

While waiting to use my approved electronic devices I decided to peruse this month’s SkyMall. I can remember as a child being blown away by the contraptions in this magazine. About four years ago however I suddenly realized that a huge majority of the gadgets in SkyMall aren’t actually inventions. 95% of the gadgets are actually overly glorified combinations of already simplistic devices. Nowadays I read SkyMall as a comic stip because I honestly have a good laugh at the uninspired “inventors” with their unremarkable “inventions.” Not to mention the hilarious pictures (A nice yellow lab in a dog’s life vest is smiling at me with how easy it has suddenly become to get back onto the dock with the new floating dock attachment ramp. Glorious). I’ve decided to expose SkyMall as a hilarious travesty because of what I read on page 104. Here it is:
Greetings SkyMall readers! Gadget Universe has been bringing the most innovative gadgets to the public for 10 years now. Help us celebrate our 10 year anniversary with some of our greatest innovations yet. Founder, Alexander Elnekaveh

Think of following then as a celebration…
(Italics = as appears in magazine)

Seascooter XL. “Zooms smoothly along the water at up to 2mph...”
All I’ll comment, as I am clearly no English major, is that the word “zooms” is wildly misused here.

You’ll never be locked out again if you have a KeySafe just outside your door!
No more plastic rock that blends oh-so inconspicuously in your backyard. Now we are literally telling criminals the key is inside this easily breakable plastic KeySafe. Now burglars don’t have to use their crowbar on the door lock, they can just pry off the KeySafe. It’s probably even easier than a cumbersome crowbar, all you really need is a hammer.

Pets like to snuggle-up when they sleep, especially on our Snuggle Balls. Your cat or dog will plop himself down on the Snuggle Ball, and may never want to get up!
I wish I were making this up. Not only hilarious, but a bit presumptuous as well.

Make every bedroom window an instant fire escape!
This picture is particularly disturbing. The mother has decided she would prefer to escape the burning house before her young daughter. The daughter is precariously extending one foot down to the ladder while holding on to the sill with one hand. She wears an expression that I can only describe as the Youngstown State mascot face (props for that SkyMall, I don’t expect her to be happy) as she climbs out with smoke pouring out of the window. Similar parenting probably led their house to be burned to the ground.

This reminds me of airlines’ questionable policy of putting the oxygen mask around yourself before your child. They stress the word before. I’m not exactly a parent yet but sorry Southwest, I think I’ll make sure my kid can breathe first. Boats are the only mass transportation that seems to have gotten the women and children policy correct.

Foldaway Ladder designed expressly for your walk-in closet. Need a boost to retrieve your out-of-reach items in your walk-in closet, but don’t want to carry in your big utility ladder?
A surprising no on that one, I prefer the utility ladder.
[Note – this is not an invention]

Dynamic Frames display photos that can change as often as life! It looks like a lovely framed collage of family photos, but as life changes, it’s easy to replace older pictures!
I have no comment.

Head Spa Massager, enter a state of euphoria.
Only if you say so Spa Massager.

In order to be fair and balanced, here is one that is actually pretty sweet…

The Electronic Optic Ski Goggles. These ski goggles use electronic optic technology developed for Air Force pilots, allowing the lenses to be manually adjusted from light to dark… the tint goes from light to dark when the internal liquid crystals are activated by the built-in 6-volt battery.
Now there’s something I want. I can’t believe I’m writing this – but only $200 too. That actually seems reasonable. I like how SkyMall is somewhat acknowledging here too that the invention isn’t theirs, but that they have gone through the trouble to steal it for you. I can respect that.

As my flight comes to an end I hope you two readers out there can now enjoy SkyMall just a little bit more than I’m sure you already do.
**Make sure you find the smiling lab picture I mentioned above. It’s a small picture, but truly priceless.



Jim found the picture. I speak for everyone when I say, thanks Jim.

Let It Rain, Clear It Out, Lets Get It

As you may know this weekend is my Sports Weekend Extravaganza. The Maryland game in College Park on Saturday and the Arizona game in Charlottesville on Sunday will make for a nice two-team parlay both gambling wise and emotionally. Should Nick and I go goose-egg, well, I'm not ready to talk about that.

In the mean time, the following I feel is much like candy, sweet...

Rutgers beating Louisville. I'll keep this short - Rutgers is clearly not going to the title game, Louisville may have had they gone undefeated, and West Virginia is going to abruptly end the argument by beating Rutgers anyway. Nice.

By the way, Shiano got nailed in the head by the gatorade cooler, it hurt a lot even though he won't admit it.

Dogfights on the History Channel. Tonight at 10et. Every Friday in fact at 10et. The show is basically TopGun without women. I saw the premier last Friday and was blown away. The History Channel basically dissects actual airplane dogfights in several wars with the pilots narrating. They use flight simulators to animate the maneuvers and do a great job describing just how ridiculous these maneuvers are. After just one show I am willing to go out an hour later on Fridays. I hope tonight's show is as good as the first because I've been looking forward to it for 167 hours. This could be the easiest Dvd I've ever bought my father for Christmas.

Shake your money maker. Its ok if you don't but you'll be hearing this song all holiday season in the clubs. And why not. After murmurs of Ludacris' new album being pedestrian he did what any good business man would - grab onto Pharell's magic carpet and let it ride. As Adam would say, "he is fa real" and that's why I call Adam "the truth."

The Gears of War Commercial. I struggle to think of a better commercial for a video game. A few things about this commercial make me willing to pay $800 for the system and game. The first is obviously the song. It's from the Donnie Darko soundtrack and is called, "Mad World." The song is eerie yet soothing and mandates your attention. You know its a video game because of the graphics, which are a bit lost on YouTube, but my friends who own the game say that the commercial is identical to gameplay. By this I mean the cut-scenes in most video games are really sweet while the actual gameplay is not as sweet graphic wise, apparently not for this gem. The expressionless face when the marine/dude sees this insane robot alium thing is priceless. Thanks for not showing me the ending either because I'm still intrigued. Stunning.

Unlike the History Channel, the following is quite lame...

Bryan Pata. How many ridiculous things have to occur before the Maryland-Miami game. A terrible brawl that embarrasses their program, a great coach fighting for his job and a consistently underperforming Miami squad was what Maryland was already up against. Now the tragic death of a Miami lineman and what else could possibly galvanize this team more. This is the last thing Maryland needed. Yesyes I'mterriblyinsensitive I know, but I'm going to be miserable if an exogenously inspired Miami team in the midst of a meaningless season ends something great for Maryland.

Laura and Brian. These people were supposed to have sold me their car by now and some stupid form they needed that was supposed to take 3 business days (on last Wednesday) still hasn't come yet. Obviously I don't believe them and something is going on here that I don't know, but if I don't get this car on this coming Monday, I'm going to be furious.

I'm not ready to talk about:

Going 0-2 on the emotional parlay. The sign Nick wanted me to show at the Maryland game. Javon Walker or my title for this post.

Do you really?

If the Rams hadn't sputtered out miserably the week would have ended almost too well.

The following encompasses sweet...

Uruguay's Invasor. Howaboutthat how about that. It's true I didn't know Uruguay's "Horse of the Year" was even entered into the race, but that is why I'm even happier. What if I knew Uruguay's greatest was in the race and Invasor ended up finishing fifth or something - that would have been devastating. What is particularly sweet is that besides the much needed economic surge from a Texas oil tycoon named Jad investing 50 mil into a pure Uruguayan-blooded stallion, I actually ride horses every time I visit Montevideo. I hyped the last horse I rode so much last year that I referred to him as a luxury car - true story. I expect my apology soon from anyone who said I was exaggerating.

Jennifer Connelly. This is a picture of her in class at MIT in the movie, A Beautiful Mind. If women like this existed at schools like MIT, I would have tried a lot harder in highschool. You have to admit too that the director is not trying to make her look gorgeous in this movie, and that she can't help it. Sure there are some not so great pictures of her on the red carpet but if you can actually watch one of her movies and not fall in love then we can't be friends. I'm totally seeing Blood Diamond not just for DiCaprio now.
And by the way, if you've seen A Beautiful Mind recently, this was as close as I came to finding Connelly in the black dress.
Honorable Mention - Jenna Fischer - Jim knows this.

Lexus. Wow, I'm kind of embarrassed I jumped the gun a little. I had no idea that along with parking itself the Lex has 8 speeds too. Although, this kind of technology is, "unprecedented," so how could I have known. What an amazing ad-campaign. Lexus. Unprecedented (you have to say it with the accent). Some more eye-candy.

ps - I just realized I can't imagine how fun it would be to drive an 8-speed. Eight.

Two things this week stick out to me as being lame...

Uraguay. You may have to enlarge the picture to see the proof. I was shocked and honestly somewhat offended. It's not often Uruguay makes the news, and this may be the first time Uraguay has made it. And how about the "might" in "might be the world's too." Of course he is, look at that godly creation, my goodness. Front page embarrassment too (sigh)...

Rappers targeting the listener. I'll give you some examples:
In Tha Block Is Hot, Lil Wayne raps about what he's going to do to the listener. "So watch your step... you better watch what you're playing with [or I'll shoot you in the neck]."
Or how about in Game Over, when Lil Flip claims he has my girl taking off her clothing. "I got your girl takin off her clothes," is the line. Apparently it is also my fault I let Lil Flip onto the track. And yes Lil Flip, I do hear you.
I still enjoy both those songs but I wouldn't mind not being threatened or made paranoid about the fidelity of my girlfriend.

However, I must admit that I thoroughly enjoy Juvenile defending Peyton Manning to the listener. Juvenile is, "a young black peyton manning of rap, getting his snaps. And also, [Peyton] only rides in the year that he's in, because he don't feel the year is bigger than him. So let the boy be."
I couldn't agree more Juve. Well said.

Halloween Special

The following I feel is sweet about Halloween...

People who try. If you know me then that statement should surprise you. I'm normally that kid at the bar who sees a classy guy in a nice suit buy a good looking girl a drink and charm her with a witty line and says, "man, what a loser, he smacks of effort." But Halloween is different - a good costume really made my night. Dr. Feltersnatch OB/GYN, Borat (the accent was key), Ali G (even though it was so last year). The winner, even though I thought of it as unprofessional, has to be the mounted police. A policeman had the rump of his horse painted with a jack-o-lantern, and a good one too. I didn't get to pet his horse, but I did pet a different horse, which may or may not have absolutely made my night.

Group costumes. This may be a subset of people who try, but group costumes are certainly sweet. The Average Joe's dodgeball team, Legends of the Hidden Temple teams, Nickelodean Guts, garbage bag bees (Jim's gem) and the mounted police of course.

My and Adam's costume (left). We clearly tried, we were unique and we were a group. The mounted police just barely edged us out of first place. A live animal always beats a rubber mask.

Reminiscing. Sharing Halloween stories is always a treat. There were those good houses that gave out kit-kats or nerds. Then there was that stupid dentist who gave out toothbrushes - sweet buddy. Then occasionally the crazy lady would make her own candy, which rightly so was not allowed to be consumed. We all had our stories and they were sweet to share.

The following is lame about Halloween...

The Facebook. Although I enjoy looking through the pictures to see people trying (see above), but at around the 40th new person having posted their Halloween pics I realized the posting was not pure of heart. Empirically these people who are motivated to dress up for the wrong reasons are those in sororities and fraternities, which makes it worse. Lame I feel is actually a very appropriate word to describe those people who put on a costume just to take thirty pictures of themselves and post them at 6:30am the next morning.

I'm not ready to talk about:

My original costume idea.