**Special** On Flight Post

While waiting to use my approved electronic devices I decided to peruse this month’s SkyMall. I can remember as a child being blown away by the contraptions in this magazine. About four years ago however I suddenly realized that a huge majority of the gadgets in SkyMall aren’t actually inventions. 95% of the gadgets are actually overly glorified combinations of already simplistic devices. Nowadays I read SkyMall as a comic stip because I honestly have a good laugh at the uninspired “inventors” with their unremarkable “inventions.” Not to mention the hilarious pictures (A nice yellow lab in a dog’s life vest is smiling at me with how easy it has suddenly become to get back onto the dock with the new floating dock attachment ramp. Glorious). I’ve decided to expose SkyMall as a hilarious travesty because of what I read on page 104. Here it is:
Greetings SkyMall readers! Gadget Universe has been bringing the most innovative gadgets to the public for 10 years now. Help us celebrate our 10 year anniversary with some of our greatest innovations yet. Founder, Alexander Elnekaveh

Think of following then as a celebration…
(Italics = as appears in magazine)

Seascooter XL. “Zooms smoothly along the water at up to 2mph...”
All I’ll comment, as I am clearly no English major, is that the word “zooms” is wildly misused here.

You’ll never be locked out again if you have a KeySafe just outside your door!
No more plastic rock that blends oh-so inconspicuously in your backyard. Now we are literally telling criminals the key is inside this easily breakable plastic KeySafe. Now burglars don’t have to use their crowbar on the door lock, they can just pry off the KeySafe. It’s probably even easier than a cumbersome crowbar, all you really need is a hammer.

Pets like to snuggle-up when they sleep, especially on our Snuggle Balls. Your cat or dog will plop himself down on the Snuggle Ball, and may never want to get up!
I wish I were making this up. Not only hilarious, but a bit presumptuous as well.

Make every bedroom window an instant fire escape!
This picture is particularly disturbing. The mother has decided she would prefer to escape the burning house before her young daughter. The daughter is precariously extending one foot down to the ladder while holding on to the sill with one hand. She wears an expression that I can only describe as the Youngstown State mascot face (props for that SkyMall, I don’t expect her to be happy) as she climbs out with smoke pouring out of the window. Similar parenting probably led their house to be burned to the ground.

This reminds me of airlines’ questionable policy of putting the oxygen mask around yourself before your child. They stress the word before. I’m not exactly a parent yet but sorry Southwest, I think I’ll make sure my kid can breathe first. Boats are the only mass transportation that seems to have gotten the women and children policy correct.

Foldaway Ladder designed expressly for your walk-in closet. Need a boost to retrieve your out-of-reach items in your walk-in closet, but don’t want to carry in your big utility ladder?
A surprising no on that one, I prefer the utility ladder.
[Note – this is not an invention]

Dynamic Frames display photos that can change as often as life! It looks like a lovely framed collage of family photos, but as life changes, it’s easy to replace older pictures!
I have no comment.

Head Spa Massager, enter a state of euphoria.
Only if you say so Spa Massager.

In order to be fair and balanced, here is one that is actually pretty sweet…

The Electronic Optic Ski Goggles. These ski goggles use electronic optic technology developed for Air Force pilots, allowing the lenses to be manually adjusted from light to dark… the tint goes from light to dark when the internal liquid crystals are activated by the built-in 6-volt battery.
Now there’s something I want. I can’t believe I’m writing this – but only $200 too. That actually seems reasonable. I like how SkyMall is somewhat acknowledging here too that the invention isn’t theirs, but that they have gone through the trouble to steal it for you. I can respect that.

As my flight comes to an end I hope you two readers out there can now enjoy SkyMall just a little bit more than I’m sure you already do.
**Make sure you find the smiling lab picture I mentioned above. It’s a small picture, but truly priceless.



Jim found the picture. I speak for everyone when I say, thanks Jim.