Allow me first to paint you a picture of my traveling experience thus far. My flight left this morning from the Lou, stopping in the home of Jermaine Dupri, or as he so eloquently put, last name Dupri, first name “The Boss.” – it was in some commercial or something – and finishing in the District. For those of you keeping score, that’s St Louis to Washington DC with a layover in Atlanta. Leaving at 6:10 am is quite lame but I recall the later flights being 80 one-dollar doubloons more expensive. Saving money is sweet. Anyway, I arrived at the airport at 5:15 in a hurry and only semi-conscious. This must have affected my decision-making because I would soon put on two blazers. I didn’t have anymore carry-on items left for a jacket bag and of course I can’t stuff a nice blazer into my computer bag. I accepted responsibility and put both the blazers on. The initial response from other travelers was not good but once the shock wore off, they (and me) realized that wearing two blazers was pretty awesome. So much so that my next outfit to the bars in DC will be two blazers, two polo’s, collars popped, and two undershirts with an overall color scheme of seafoam and coral. I’ll have plaid pants on, boat shoes and I’ll order white wine in a red wine glass.
A quick aside – Did you know that according to UGK there are two types of bitches… bitches that will, those that won’t, bitches that can, those that can’t and finally, bitches that know they are, and those that ain’t. RIP Chad Butler.Back to the lame… I’m in row 31 of 31 and my seat doesn’t have a window. There is a lot of turbulence and I am getting fairly nauseated. This post may end in misery for me. I need to keep my composure because sitting next to me is a real cutie with an uncanny resemblance to the girl next door (pictured). You know how you have your head on a swivel for who is going to be your seat neighbor. You watch that fat man’s eyes and hope they don’t settle on 31. Then you see a hottie and you’re just wishing she sits next to you. Well this time it actually happened!
Rumor has it… that I definitely won’t say anything to her because I’m one of the two aforementioned types of bitches.
It’s getting to be quite awkward in fact because I don’t have a window so whenever I stop and look up to abate my dizziness I really have no choice but to stare at her in silence. She’s pretending to be asleep anyway. I don’t blame her – without my two blazers I am a simple man wearing jeans and an old rams t-shirt. I didn’t shower this morning either so I probably smell pretty bad. I will have the last word though. My plan is such that when we land I’ll ask her to hand me my blazes from the overhead and then smile coyly while I put the second one on oooover the first one. Once her shock wears off I’ll make sure to give her my number. You know, if I feel like it.Although rare, there are times when I am embarrassed of the music I listen to. Normally I would pull up my itunes and select UGK confidently but upon further inspection of the song titles, mainly:
Grind Hard
Two Type of Bitches (singular)
Trill [People] Don’t Lie (my edit)
Chrome Plated Woman
I think I’ll minimize the screen this time. After all, there is no reason my seat neighbors need to see that I’m listening to “Swishas and Dosha.”
Well that’s all I got for you, it was a short hour and eleven minute flight from Dupri to the District. Hope you enjoyed it and ask me later if you want to know how the plan turned out.
I’m not ready to talk about:
How effing motion sick I am. This guy is drunk behind the handles.
