Chewy

The draft is looming but at least one element of it is lame...

Speed. So I was perusing the NFL Combine the other day during the 40-yard dash and I started wondering. The obsession with 40 times is evident, but should that be the case? Let's take a look at some numbers comparing 5 running backs and linebackers.

RB
Ladainian Tomlinson - 4.54
Larry Johnson - 4.56
Frank Gore - 4.66
Reggie Bush - 4.33
Steven Jackson - 4.45

LB
Ray Lewis - 4.8
Brian Urlacher - 4.62
Shawne Merriman - 4.61
Lavar Arrington - 4.55
Derrick Brooks - 4.56

Well I was hoping for less parity but I suppose I can roll with this for now. The difference between the fastest time (Bush) and the slowest time (Ray ray) is .47 seconds. Putting this into a ratio I can work with - that means Reggie is 11% faster than MurderInc. For sake of numbers I'll say 10% faster.

Where am I going with this?

Well a football field is 53 yards wide. A race to the sideline on a handoff - call it a sweep - means Reggie has at most 3 yards to turn up field (10% of 26 yards). That's about the only play that can maximize the speed advantage by ignoring everyone else on the field. Well I suppose a reverse would yield a 6 yard advantage to turn up field with the speed difference but there is a bigger thought in play here.

Speed in the NFL does not matter. Everyone is fast. Taking one player over the other because of a 4.3 vs a 4.5 is terrible logic. Just off the top of my head I can think of several much, much more important means to generate space in the NFL than speed - blocking, juking, route running, timing of delivery - all of those have infinitely more space generating potential than speed. If you hear on draft day Mel Kiper or anyone else say, "well it just came down to speed," then be very disappointed because that means your team didn't do a good enough job finding differences in the numerous other more important factors.

quick Sweet...

I'll take a moment on this note to recognize the human joystick recently acquired by the Rams. Behold. I hate how that video reminds me this was all in 2003. I don't really care though, the excitement potential is more palpable than the actual impact he'll probably have. In case you were wondering, he ran a ... well I can't even find it. It's irrelevant anyway.

PS - I chose the chicken dance over the more inappropriate DMX track. Even though I showed discretion here, know that I'll be listening to DMX before kick on September 9th.

back to lame...

The drought will continue. Well I had to get this post out before the draft this Saturday so that my reader can see how obsessed the draft is with speed. But the drought unfortunately will go on.

Buckle Your Seatbelt

Man do I have alot for you today. Onward...

Before I get into what's been on my mind I must first open on an incredibly somber note and the definition of lame...

April 10th, 2007. As you may have read or seen on TV, Adam Pacman Jones was suspended for the entire 2007 season. The magnitude of this travesty should not be understated. Open this in a new window and allow me to translate properly (read the espn date first, then my date):

July 13, 2005: Two weeks before training camp, Jones is arrested by Nashville police for stomping a dude that was trying to act, like he was trying to do something outside the club.

Sept. 5, 2005: Six days before the season opener, a female valet attendent kept insisting that Pacman give her his number or she would steal his car*. In response to the badgering, Pacman had a loud, verbal tantrum and refused to pay for the valet service.

Oct. 25, 2005: 5 days before the eighth game of the season, Jones feels like getting his drink on forgetting that his probation officer was a hater. The judge extends his probation 90 days.

Feb 6, 2006: Adam's mother, Deborah, and his friend, Marcus, plant marijuana in Jones' Bugle Boy jeans (pictured). When complying with handcuffs, Marcus yelled to Pacman, "you won't do it!" referring to taking a swing a cop. Jones allegedly refused to be shown up and will appear in court later this month to face obstruction charges.

March 23, 2006: A Fayette County SWAT team searches the home Jones bought for his momma. Jones arrived at the house in an offensively pimped out Corvette singing Three6Mafia's Stay High. The Corvette had been recently attacked by a skunk and Police mistakenly took Packman's singing to be a confession.

April 18, 2006: Police see this video footage at a gas station and jump to a lot of wild conclusions. No arrests were made but the boiled crawfish were enjoyed by everyone.

Aug. 25, 2006: Toya Garth and Adam Jones experience similar quarrels described by Project Pat at the 1:30 mark. Jones may have been drunk.

Oct. 26, 2006: At Club Mystic Jones told a girl that she was a tip drill* and that, "it must be your ass, cuz it ain't your face" and she accused him of assault with dollar bills (the 6:18 mark). (Ok this video is insanely offensive, I'm so sorry... omg) Pacman justifiably blames Nelly in police reports.

*I may have gone too far

Feb. 19, 2007: No charges have been brought against Jones.


Lets be real people - he degrades women, drinks alot, probably smokes alot and doesn't like to be stepped to. Am I talking about Pacman Jones or last Saturday night??? I can't even believe this. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills over here. What a bunch of hypocrites. April 1oth should be a national memorial day.

Speaking of Mr. Jones - the following has made my month its so sweet...

You may never catch Mr. Jones. The irony behind that lyric in lieu of his 11 month delay in album release I will not comment on... Enjoy a song of epic proportions. It has the feel of something incredible doesn't it? Whispers, ominous single rings of a bell, great crescendos and what can only be described as the most terrifying laugh I have ever heard. That laugh is one of upcoming terror. I feel like New Orleans heard this laugh before Katrina. How about this video too. He just keeps evolving right in front of us. First he had no deal (who) and now he has taken the diamonds from his teeth and encrusted the grill of his car with them. Man I miss Mike. That's why this is so hard. I'm still SO bitter about his delay. The end of Mr. Jones where he tells me to look out for American Dream - thanks man, I haven't been doing that since LAST SUMMER. But then he releases this and it just washes away. I think it's because I like what he's got. This won't be the last you hear from me about Mr. Jones.

ps - and movie??? I'm sure I won't touch upon that.

Get Money, Stay True. Paul Wall's newest. It's sound advice I suppose. My first impression of this album was that it was unremarkable - I was wrong. Like a stout beer I needed to give it my full commitment rather than an initial taste. I was actually so distraught about his new album after the first go around that I began to reflect. What I realized is that his first album took some time to appreciate as well, and I can listen to that one almost all the way through. I'm not that sold yet for Get Money, Stay True, but I will let you in on my favorite songs thus far: The single - he showed some versatility with his Steve Kerr line, don't think I didn't notice. This beat is impressive. He tried something new with How Gangstas Roll and I liked it. If you want the album just let me know.

The Chahhhhhhhhmpyyyyohhhhhhhns. With the quality of soccer I've been watching lately this song is starting to give me goosebumps. At least Espn is showing both legs of each game this time instead of one leg of each. The goals have been incredible.

AC Milan 2-2 Bayern Munich Leg 1: What an exciting game to watch. It appeared Bayern was going to get completely housed by a terrible pk call when van Buyten struck again in the most timely of manners. They were nearly identical plays. The announcer for that play is incredible. He makes me so happy.

PSV Eindhoven 0-3 Liverpool Leg 1: This series ended quite quickly didn't it. Hell, if Steven Gerrard impresses me then I should hope Liverpool is winning. Enjoy an inspirational left foot from Riise. Or rather, a thunderbolt. Crouchy nailed the coffin shut with a typical Crouch header.

Chelsea 1-1 Valencia Leg 1: This goal from Silva is one of those shots that I won't get over. This is my favorite coverage. His partner starts huffing right after it goes in. I may have soiled myself watching that live. Of course Chelsea comes back with the man that should change his name to "of course" - Drogba. His celebration is chuckling great.

Roma 2-1 Man Utd Leg 1: Still in it despite Paul Scholes' best effort to sabotage Man U. I expected that kind of thug-life from Rooney, but no, Rooney did this instead (what presence!). Whatever, Cristiano counts for 3 mortal men anyway. If the Champions League hasn't convinced you this man is the best there is then I don't know what you're watching. Cristi has me sitting up in my chair everytime he touches the ball (see next game).

For fear of having rushed through it - Paul Scholes is a complete moron. Both his fouls were easy, no-brainer yellows. And what was he thinking when he deliberately destroyed Totti after already being booked??? What an idiot - thank God we'll all get to see Cristiano on a bigger stage having overcome the worst plays I've seen in a long time from Mr. Scholes.

Man Utd 7-1 Roma Leg 2: I refuse to comment on this game. Go to youtube and look up the highlights yourself. (Still stunned).

ps - I just heard the british announcer during the highlights refer to this game as a "mauling." Hilarious.

Valencia 1-2 Chelsea Leg 2: Of course Valencia goes up 1-nil and Chelsea comes back blah blah. Shevchenko scores on a typical Chelski dead ball and Essien fools the keeper and blasts their way into the semis. Damn you Chelsea - they really are the Yankees of the Premier League.

Right now the Liverpool 2nd leg isn't over yet and I don't know the score (and don't want to go to April 11th on score page of Espn) so I'll report on this in later.

Before I forget -

I've picked a Premier League team. Drum roll please - its actually not that exciting - bahm bad da dummmmmm... Arsenal. Jim and I spoke about it and decided a few things. First, I clearly love Titi Henry, like Van Persie, Fabregas, Rosick of the sicker, and Eboue. Even though Jim liked them first, I can still like them now too because English soccer isn't as popular as it should be. With little coverage here and few friends of mine that follow certain teams, Jim and I might as well like the same team so that we can talk about games and stuff. Enjoying this together we've decided is better than picking rivals and pretending to dislike each other when they play. So Gunners it is - they were my #1 anyway, now I don't have to settle for my #2.

And what better time to pick them up when the wheels have absolutely come off. But I'm not ready to talk about that.

Rappers and diamonds. So the other day I was listening to Bling Bling by the Cash Money Millionaires and heard a lyric, "everythang's been trillion cut." Naturally I assumed they were exaggerating like they always do (see: platinum football field). I wouldn't be writing this though if I weren't wrong. Also the other day I was looking up cuts of diamonds - apparently they mean something - and would you know it, trillion cut was on there! So my apologies to the Cash Money Millionaire's, I thought you guys were just being crazy assholes when in reality you were outclassing me. Have rappers been doing this alot... I may need to check this.

Accidents happen. I've been listening to alot of latin music ever since my return from the Dominican and Sergio Mendez Mas que Nada has been one of them. When trying to find the version without the black eyed lames on youtube I found this... it's not the most incredible compilation I've ever seen but the music pleasantly makes the goals more enjoyable. If your hips start moving do not be alarmed.

Last but not least. As I'm sure you noticed - I've changed the title of the blog (Jim's idea). I would love some feedback.

I'm not ready to talk about:

Chris Carpenter. The Cardinals.

Still Waiting For Opening Night

Much like John Mayer, I'm still waiting for Opening Night. That was a pretty elaborate spring training game wasn't it? The following is sweet...

Adam Kennedy. I think he'll fit in well.

Yadier Molina. I don't think I can dislike him ever.


The following is lame...

Records for one game. 26 of the possible 27 recordable outs were double plays.

So Taguchi. What can I say about his outfield play that hasn't been said about Paris Hilton - shocking and out of position along a padded wall.

Jose Oquendo. I'm glad I got a stunning camera angle by Espn to see Beltran play catch with LaDuca. Let's see, what else about that decision to send Eckstein... What was the score of that game at the time. I can't remember? I wonder who was due up after Preston Wilson? Probably somebody not that good.

On the subject of Preston Wilson. He sure looks like he's made adjustments over spring? 2 emphatic strike-outs, one double play, and a really smooth, non-violent, controlled swing. Oh wait, everything but his swing.

LaRussa. Has there ever been more awkward silence when John whatever his name is started explaining the DUI. Omg. Don't worry though, Tony's normal interview demeanor won't be joked about as one of questionable sobriety - who would think that?


Don't worry, we'll have all these things figured out before Opening Day, Tuesday, April 3rd. I can't wait.

I'm not ready to talk about:

What would I be not willing to talk about, everything is great!

Welcome To The Hall, John M

The following is like a sugar substitute, sweet...

The newest inductee. Last night a playlist of epic proportions graced the ears of everyone at DiscoTech. Balanced, relentless, climactic - all words I would use to describe the song list. What is especially remarkable is that the songs alone would not have sufficed. The songs were strong, but the assembly was stronger. Several moments of truth late in the run, when people start to wonder (or actually scream aloud), "What could possibly top that?" were answered emphatically. Rap was softened with classics, classics sped up with techno, and techno made more interactive with lyric heavy songs. Here is the most unthinkable aspect of it all - John didn't choose the order of the songs per sae, but rather his Ipod shuffle went to work. This is to take nothing away from the accomplishment and to instead signify that great things in life require both hard work and a little luck. Congratulations John.

My newest dance sequence. I wouldn't consider myself an envious person, but I certainly wish I could do this. Whether you like him or dislike him, if you've ever danced at a club you almost have to respect that. Can you imagine if you could do that whole sequence when a circle formed? It would be incredible. I love how Billy Packer keeps trying to stop him with no success. Someone on Youtube dubbed a better video too. Notice Billy Donovan with a helpless smile on his face. Still not sold? How about a perspective that shows you how enormous this man is compared to regular people. That's kind of freaky.

Sorry to any Arkansas fans out there. Here, to prove I'm fair and balanced. That's play #4 by the way. #4.

The following is very very lame...


Where is my eff'ing remote? I did the short preliminary check, then turned on the TV and left it on SportsCenter anyway. Then Outside The Lines came on and I did the full rub down expecting surely to find the remote. Still no dice!! Is this a joke? Where the myunk is it? Somebody stole it - I'm furious.

What is this guy thinking? Seriously. I don't even think that's cool.


back to sweet...

I've been shaking. Sticking and moving. Trying to get to you and that booty. Trying to get to you and that booty. Great commercial and an especially good song. T-pain, who you might recall is in love with a stripper, does the hook and even asks later in the first chorus what she plans on doing, "with this baller." Gonna dooooooo with this baller.

The countdown. I've been waiting to see the clock on the bottom line of ESPN counting down to opening night for so long. Almost as long as I've been trying to get to you and booty. Sorry, I'll get over it. (I will not go back and delete that sentence... this gives you a little insight into what I write sometimes but usually end up editing) Well, where were we, ah yes, 8:38:11 and counting. Bang.

Project Pat respects his listeners. I've mentioned Project Pat's Tell, Tell, Tell (Stop Snitchin') before - well it turns out if you listened to it, you're not a snitch. Or I guess, while you are listening to it, you're not a snitch. I'll just show you the lyric:

Logic of a snitch, you don't know but I'ma let you in - Why would I do ten when I can go on and turn in my friend?

Note that he is speaking facetiously as the snitch there. Why do I believe that if Pat could have worked the word facetiously in there, he would have... What is of greater importance however is that Project assumes we don't know the "logic of a snitch." And why would we, we're not snitches. Thanks for the cred Patrick Houston, preciate it.

Welcome to Atlanta. Adam and I will be in the Georgia Dome Monday for the finals...barring any major disasters that is... knock on wood.


I'm not ready to talk about:

8 c.i.a.r. My anterior crucial ligaments. "On your mark."