Opening Night T-minus 54 Hours

When I try and explain to people how much I've missed baseball I stammer and struggle to keep my explanation under two and a half hours. It's not just that the Cards won the World Series, that is actually less than 25% of my nostalgia. The playoffs are so far away these emotions I have are mostly unaffected by the ring. Before I get too far let me maintain some kind of structure. The following I feel is supremely sweet...

Major League Baseball. Having finished an NFL season that met predominately once a week and a college basketball season mostly twice a week, the idea of baseball 6 out of 7 days absolutely thrills me. This everyday feeling goes hand in hand psychologically with summer. During school you had the weekends, during the summer you have 6 out of 7 days.

I miss the pace of the game as well. This may shock the average fan but I think it comes as no surprise to anyone who is obsessed. Relative to the aforementioned sports, baseball lets you think. Not just about the game, but about life as well. Here is a great quote that kind of summarizes the rest of my point:

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base

I just can't wait till Opening Night.

Uruguay 2, South Korea 0. Please note that only Opening Night would take first story over this... The best present of all was Uruguay winning on my birthday. They looked good too. I'm actually getting goosebumps at the thought of Uruguay having a squad. Carlos Bueno scored them both. I still haven't decided whether the first goal was an amazing pass from Recoba or just a bad play by the goalie. Know that I actually didn't care. The second goal is what has me worried. Bueno - who has the last name equivalent of an NBA player named, Mike Ballin' - rips a strike of unbelievable quality. Why am I worried? It was wholly unnecessary and to make matters worse, he pulls his jersey out and points to the Uruguayan ensignia (2:30). I'm not used to this kind of swager and frankly, I don't know if I can handle it. Wait a second, scratch that, much like the RGX commercial, I know I can't handle it.




What a great picture too. It's like he's saying, "What have I done."

Luca Toni. Arguably the sexiest man in soccer (I'll get to Cristiano in a second). On the subject of Friendly Competition did anyone notice Luca dropped due on the Scots? How about his form on the first header. When I dream of heading in a sick goal, that's the form I have in my dream. The fifteen seconds after the :55 mark literally make my day. Is it just me or do the Italians all look unchanged from the World Cup. No haircuts... same unis... I'm not complaining, I just felt unprepared sexually for that video.

still on the subject of my life (soccer) the following is psh-lame...

United States Soccer. I feel like Bill Lumberg here disagreeing with Bob and Bob in Office Space. Bob and Bob here happens to be my life partner, James Stanley. Here is what he had to say about Landon. I'm gonna have to disagree. This is going to be a tough argument to make seeing as how much respect I had for the Ecuador squad. My argument is unfortunately helped by Ecuador getting blown out by Mexico yesterday, but I'm going to ignore the Dorians and stick to the Stators (mainly because I have no idea whats wrong with Ecuador).
First some things I cannot deny - all three, notch it, all three of Landon's goals were very impressive. The volley, the stutter step and the UmmmmmmHolyShit really did have me appreciating the quality of Landon Donovan. I'm still not sold though. I haven't forgotten that he couldn't cut it in Europe and I actually think the US should move on from Landon. They should move on because Landon has proved to me unable to handle the enormous, irrational, and probably unjust pressure US fans place on him. I'm blaming myself and Jim and other fans here. Here in the US of A we search for one player, one superstar and one answer to solve our soccer problems, but the truth is, solo stars in soccer don't cut it. If Didier Drogba himself couldn't bring Cote de Ivore to the second stage then we should all know Landon wasn't going to either. With the fans having been noted, it's important to also remember that Landon hasn't stepped up in any game of significant meaning. That's a bad sign. I almost want Landon to go under the radar before 2010 just so he doesn't feel like he has to answer to anyone. You know what the Donovan story reminds me of - Peyton Manning before his title. Lets all hope Landon overcomes just like Peyton did.

back to the oh so sweet...

One more thing for James. This is how I'm going to get his attention the next time I see him on the streets. I actually auditioned for this part. Listen carefully at the 2:48 mark. HeyJayyymes. It's more obvious if you download the song and listen with earphones. The irony is great here, "Just don't holla out my name like we was all that (HeyJayyymes)." If Jim ever says that to me I'm immediately going to holla out his name.

ps - I'm angry the first 5 lyric sites on google didn't include the yelling.

Cristiano in Vogue. If buying Vogue has ever been a good idea, that was the issue.

Welcome to Hollyhood. Where will you be April 5th at 10pm? If it's not in front of a TV watching Triple Six Mafia in MTV's Adventures in Hollyhood then shame on you. I would normally never advocate watching an MTV show, but John and I are definitely going to be watching at least the premier of this one. A quick lame... The MTV website is literally the most infuriating website I've ever tried to navigate. Omg. And no google, I didn't mean Adventures in Hollywood. Normally you can read my mind, but not this time - which is a good thing.

The Sun-Maid is Hot. Oh hi there... you've got some grapes for me... why I, I'd love some.


I'm not ready to talk about:

That picture of Landon Donovan. Discotech 307.

Back

It's been awhile has it not? After such a long absence I feel compelled to explain... (remix) I have decided to ignore this feeling though because my first draft was quite poor. If you must know I spent the last 30 minutes on Butler's website trying to be funny while ripping their school. After some reflection and re-reading I realized my humor was dreadful and my bitterness transparent - and I'd never wish to subject you to that. So without further delay, and more on the subject of my forte, the sweet...

Right Guard's rebuttal. Have you seen Right Guard's Allen Iverson to Axe? Ad 1, Ad 2. In response to her question at the end... absolutely not. Bravo to RGX media marketing department - they make Axe look like a product for angst thirteen year olds waiting on a handjob. This new RGX campaign however actually makes me flustered and not at all in a bad way. If you can watch Ad 2 without making a move to fix your hair or check your shirt then you are way tougher than I am. It bothers me that a commercial can make me disappointed in myself. Why is that? Allow me to reiterate - I am not ready to step up. Sorry.

A quick segway into lame...

On the subject of commercials. I've been meaning to run this earlier but check out the commercial Rolling Rock dropped from the Superbowl. The commercial is certainly not lame, its actually quite hilarious, a top 5er in my notes. What's lame is that Rolling Rock lacked the testicular fortitude to run it. I was made aware of this when on a random night weeks before the superbowl Rolling Rock aired an overly serious commercial. The scene began with an executive looking guy sitting behind a desk and a slow zoom. The white collar fellow then explains calmly how RR intended to run an apparently offensive commercial but pulled it off the air and to please not take offense. To this day I cannot tell if I detected any sarcasm or levity. I of course hadn't seen the thong commercial at the time and wrote it off until after the Superbowl when ranking ads.

Back to sweet...

I may be on great segway fire. (You'll see why in a moment) So after finally seeing the Rock commercial and honestly wondering what made it so offensive to be pulled I was instantly reminded of one of my favorite segments from South Park. It's the little league baseball episode where Stan and the boys are trying to lose on purpose to salvage their summer. A hilarious subplot is how Stan's dad shows up drunk and feels the need to fight at every game with an opposing parent. Pardon the inevitably obnoxious website - but you get the picture.

If I remember correctly, Jim and I have actually reenacted that scene when getting thrown out of bars (or campsites). But that was back when we got thrown out of places and now that's now ballin to me.

The Player Haters Ball. By David Chappelle of course. Quick lame... why the myunk can't I find this clip on youtube??? The same thing happened with anything southpark... I'm appalled to present to you the clip from broadcast.com (wow). Sweet... I can't get over the voice of Silky Johnston. I've begun using this voice when I complain. And is anything better than the 2:09 mark. I stand corrected - the 3:35 mark. There are some really incredible lines in that segment.

I'm not ready to talk about.

Butler University. The GMC. DR.

Tourney Time Guest Writers

So the original idea for this post was to have my friends at Hopkins guest write their conference for my Tourney Time break down. Nick did the Pac10 - he's an Arizona lunatic. Adam did the Big 10 - he's obsessed with Ohio State. I was supposed to do the ACC - turtle power. And Jon was supposed to do the Big East - Go Husky Huskies. Kaz is a Texas fan but everybody knew he wouldn't actually turn in his section. I wanted to do this before I left for the Dominican - where I'll be for springer - but nothing ended up getting done. Nick and Adam are the only ones that came through and I dare not withhold their work because of my incompetence. Enjoy the different perspective. As you will see, Nick's is jammed full of his pro-Pac10 agenda and Adam is actually a writer, so it's good... although also extremely biased. If I had actually done the ACC I probably would have done the same - but I guess I can't say anything. Enjoy this.

Tourney Time Pac 10

Pac-10: The Best Conference in America…period.
Some might say the ACC is the best conference in America, some might even say the Big-10 or SEC tops the conference rankings, but they would all be wrong. No conference has had 6 “locks” for the NCAA tournament for a longer stretch than the Pac-10. The conference boasts the best team in the nation: Youclah. The most surprising team: WAZZU. The most dangerous sleeper: ‘Zona. And 3 other teams all capable of making a sweet 16 run: Oregon, USC, and Stanford. The conference also possesses a likely NIT Final Four team in Washington. The reason why most people don’t recognize the Pac-10 as the “best conference in America” is because the games are shown on the NCAA equivalent of the Lifetime channel: Fox Sports. It’s a shame really, because Pac-10 basketball is a “different” brand of basketball that has received a bum rap over the past 15 years for being soft. Sure, the conference has more scoring than the Big East or Big 10, but does that make the Pac-10 soft or does it make those other conferences boring? Obviously to the East coast media (ESPN) who shows those games on their networks and has an interest in their well-being sides with the Big East and Big 10 because evidently “that is how basketball should be played.” Well, I think the tables have turned this year because there is no way any analyst worth his salt would classify UCLA, WAZZU, USC, or Stanford as soft…Oregon and Arizona? Okay, soft…but talented. As for how the rest of this season will play out? Let’s take a look at the conference:

UCLA will eventually win the Pac-10 tournament because after the loss to Washington, they will need to win out to definitely secure the overall top seed in the tournament. Any loss along the way WILL NOT bump them from a 1 seed, but will move them down the 3rd or 4th #1 seed.

WAZZU has proved a lot of people wrong. They will again prove people wrong as they will make it to the finals of the PAC-10 tourney, but will eventually lose to a much more talented UCLA ball club. Final prediction: #3 seed.

USC is in a 3 way tie for third with Arizona and Oregon. Surprised? Me too, it seems like they were a better team than both AZ an OU, but have come back to the pelaton late in the season. This might hurt USC’s seeding in the NCAA tournament, because as of today I have them as a #7-8 seed. USC will lose to Stanford in the opening round of the tournament, which will make them a lock for the 8-9 game. Tough team to play though in the second round.

Oregon has overachieved all year. Well, maybe they have underachieved…I don’t really know. They have loads of talent, a lot of big wins, one long winning streak, and a dangerous style of play. BUT, for the past couple of years have not been able to do much in terms of winning consistently. This year seemed different after wins at Georgetown and Arizona. Now they are slumping late in the season and seemed destined for an early round exit. On the other hand, they have great shooters who can fill it up, so would you want to play them? No is the correct answer. If the can beat Arizona in the first round of the tournament, then they could be a surprise team in Atlanta, if not, they could be a surprise team in Eugene come next Saturday.

Arizona WAS one of the best teams in the country. Many “smart” analysts had them in their Final Four at the beginning of the season. Now, you can’t even find them in the top 25. Much like Oregon, if they win their opening in the Pac-10 round expect them to use that win to catapult themselves deep into the NCAA tournament. Lose it, and you will find fans thinking of Jerryd Bayless in a Wildcat uniform sooner rather than later. Speaking of Wildcat uniforms, Arizona, along with OSU, Florida, and one other team will wear new Nike uniforms for the NCAA tournament. The new uniforms are supposed to be made of lighter mesh. Maybe this will help Mustafa stop turning the ball over or help Chase play some defense…probably not, but here’s to hoping…

Stanford has the Lopez twins; that’s all you need to know. Wait, they now have a walk-on sophomore that did his best Nick Robinson impression on Saturday by going 9-15 and hitting a game-tying 3 against Arizona. Too bad they lost, because it was a great comeback. Stanford is technically on the bubble and a loss to USC will put more and more pressure on the bubble. Even with a loss I think they are in (probably as a 10-11 seed). A win and they could move up to an 8. Another tough match up for a 1 seed because no matter who the 1 seed is, they will be scared going up against 2 seven footers.

Washington needs to win the Pac-10 tournament to get in. Simple as that. I think if Washington played in the Big-12 or Big East, they would be a lock right now, but they don’t. They are the most underachieving team in the Pac-10…yes, more so than Arizona. They have all the talent in the world, but it’s young. This team will be dangerous come next year…especially if Hawes decides to stay.

California had a disappointing year because of injuries and early departures. Imagine line-up of Ubaka, Wilkes, Anderson, Powe, and Harden. They had 2 of those players for the whole year this year. That line-up would be a 5 seed right now.

Oregon St. and ASU are the reason why some believe the Pac-10 to be the second best conference in America. But, are they worse than Wake Forest or Miami. NO. The only reason people think the ACC is better is because they have 106 teams in their conference. The bottom is just as bad in the ACC as the Pac-10. OSU will continue to struggle next year, while ASU is on the rise as they get 1 transfer from Duke and 1 McDonald’s All-American.

As for individual players, the Pac-10 awards came out this year and there were no real shocks…

POY: Aaron Afflalo
FOY: Chase Budinger

One surprise this year is that Marcus Williams made the All-Pac-10 team while Luc Richard Mbah Moute did not. Why is this important? Well, last year Lute Olson felt Williams was hosed out of the FOY award by Mbah Moute…Now Williams is on the All-Pac-10 team while Luc Richard is not…Does that say anything?

As for my Final Four predictions:

I can’t really pick the four considering the brackets are not out yet, but let me say I will not be shocked if we saw 2 Pac-10 teasm in Atlanta this year.

That’s it for me!
-Nick Kennedy

Tourney Time Big 10

Big 11en

Let me begin by saying that, as I write this, its 6:00 am on March 7. I am currently on the backend of an all-nighter intended to produce a draft of my thesis (due last week) before spring break. Seeing how I slept until 4:00 pm yesterday and that I had three donuts and two cups of coffee over the course of tonight, I don’t really know if I’m tired or hungry or just delirious. I also just tried to spell delirious with a z, so we may have a winner. As I take a break from plagiarizing writing and try to get my life back on track, here are my thoughts on the Big Ten.

Welcome to the Big Stage – or at least so the conference claims in their marketing. I’ve always thought they should focus more on their logo.
See the 11…mind-blowing. On to the teams.

THE Ohio State University
If you’re expecting an actual look at the Big Ten, you’ve come to wrong place, and not just because you’re reading Juan’s blog. Instead, about 95 percent of what you are about to get is going to relate to the Buckeyes. Why? That’s why. Big Wins. Big Money. Big Spirit. Not to mention the fact that 335 other D-I teams all want to be where the Buckeyes are now. There’s also the fact that I am too lazy to look up stats and rosters for other teams.

Barring disaster this week in Chicago, the two-time Big Ten champs are poised to be the one-seed in the Midwest (Stl.) Region. Here are some brief clichés/talking points you are going hear (me use) about the Scarlet and Gray:

Greg Oden – I won’t compare him to Patrick Ewing, because the Patrick Ewing I remember was old and slow. Clearly, he’s the Vincent Van Gogh of shot blocking, and does have the offense to takeover games (he’s done it multiple times this year). Has an infinite number of facebook friends. Great dancer.

Mike Conley, Jr. – The new one-man fast break. Possibly the best pure athlete to play at Ohio State since Ted Ginn. Old-school PG (i.e. he can’t shoot).

Ron Lewis – “Has been making big-shots for four years.” Announcers love that line.

Jamar Butler – Consummate team guy…actually not all. Was furious at having to shift to the two for Conley, and only recently has accepted that he is the fifth of sixth most important member of this team.

Ivan Harris – A 6-7 swingman starting at PF, in what basically amounts to four guard offense. Nicely compliments…

…Othello Hunter – Can spell Oden (in an athletic not linguistic sense). More of a true PF.

Daequon Cook – An athlete and shoot first, ask questions last sixth man. In all seriousness, he is going to be extremely good.

Dave Lighty – Must be referred to as “defensive specialist David Lighty.” May or may not have shot a man in his Cleveland days.

So, what’s this team going to do in March?

They’re fearless, have a bunch of shooters, a dominant big man, a PG who rarely turns the ball over, and a coach with tournament experience. They are also going to be a one-seed. If this team doesn’t reach the elite-8 they will have underachieved.

Basically, it is Final Four or bust, and I am thinking hit on 18. First, while they’ve learned how to win close games, they haven’t shown an ability to put away teams. They’ve won games despite blowing big leads in some games and letting opponents hang around in others. This seems like the sort of thing that catches up to a team in March. Second, Greg Oden will get into foul trouble at least once in the tournament, if for no other reason than in big games refs seem to call ticky-tack fouls on him as if to make a point that he’s not getting preferential treatment (it happened against Florida, Indiana, and at Wisconsin). It’s kind of like how this season Lebron gets about one-fourth of the calls that (softer) guys like D-Wade and Gilbert get: refs don’t want to anoint Jordan status quite yet.

Speaking of Thebron and the Buckeyes, in what is possibly the single best development of the college basketball season, Ohio State’s uni’s will now be adorned with the “LJ23” logo, rather than the swoosh. In the tradition of this blog’s namesake, I cannot begin to imagine anything more sweet.
It is kind of hard to see in this picture. If I knew how to zoom in on it, the way Juan did to that girl’s nipple, I would. Also, I am pretty sure we are mere weeks away from Nike’s inevitable unveiling of Kennedy’s jersey idea.

Apparently breaking out new duds for tourney season Nike’s new new thing. Most regrettable is Florida’s Gator-skinned affront to the game. I would make a joke about Joakim Noah looking even prettier in gator skin, but that would be too easy. Ok, sorry.

Nike also just dropped its latest jersey concoction: skintight spandex with extra baggy shorts and optional “customizable” undershirts. I am personally ashamed that T-OSU is anyway involved with such insanity. If I’m Lebron, I sign with addidas in protest. They say the jerseys are 10-inches tighter in the torso. I don’t even know what that means, but I am pretty sure Tim Hardaway hates it.
The sad part is I am sure this is how people reacted when Nike invented baggy shorts (via the Fab Five), and that these things will look normal in a couple years.

Sorry about the fashion rant. Turning briefly to the other bowl-eligible teams…

Wisconsin
Sell. The Brian Butch injury is as important as it is horrific. Great guards but they are thin inside – sounds like they are a bad matchup waiting to happen.

Indiana
A tourney lock, but you could have fooled me based on the little I’ve seen. I can’t imagine them winning a game in the tourney, which probably puts them in the sweet 16.

Michigan State
Dangerous. If you’re a one-seed, you do not want to catch MSU as your 8 or 9. Raymar Morgan is so Michigan State. Three things about Drew Neitzel:
1. He looks straight out of an Eli Wiesel novel.
2. I’ve heard people say he plays like Mark Price, and I agree. Mark Price was pretty much my childhood hero and possibly my favorite non-Lebron player of all-time. Aside from their size and race, the biggest similarity between the two is the ability to binge-score and the way they use screens. I have vivid memories of Mark Price splitting defenders after receiving a screen, and also using high pick-and-rolls for the sole purpose of jacking-up his own shots. Neitzel does this also, so yeah, I’m a fan.
3. I’ve also heard people say he plays like Tim Hardaway, which I just think is funny.

Purdue/Illinois
Supposedly both on the edge of the bubble, and supposedly both in, according to Lunardi. More likely whomever does better in the Big 10 tourney gets in (leaving the conference with 5 not 6). Whatever, they are both one-and-done in the real thing.

Michigan
You shouldn’t give a damn about the whole state of Michigan. They technically are on the bubble, but realistically are not making the tourney unless they do something crazy this week. I’ve only included them here to mention the most audacious man in college basketball, Brent Petway. With the help of his barber, Petway nearly got the Wolverines in the Dance by shocking Ohio State last Saturday. Oh well, enjoy the NIT.
I hate it, but it is pretty cool.

So that’s that. Back to work. If anyone is curious about my thoughts on Eisenhower’s anti-communist rhetoric in the context of the Hungarian Revolution, I can post that too.

Happy 3-6 Day!!

If I were a real writer (or real at all) I would have had this prepared yesterday and posted it early this morning. Nevertheless, Happy Three Six Mafia day!!!

Today is March sixth and when someone asks you what day it is tell them to ask DJ Paul. This may confuse them, give them a moment. Should they still not understand tell them to ask Juicy J, or Crunchy Black. If still no dice give them the last and most obvious clue, Project Pat. If after all of that they still can't figure out the date you should reflect on your friendship with this individual and whether or not you want a friend who doesn't know any members of Triple Six Mafia. The Academy Award winning Triple Six Mafia - excuse me.

When is the last time you've listened to the following supremely sweet songs:

Tear Da Club Up - the often replicated but never duplicated.

Who Run It - they do, not you.

Sippin on Some Syrup - a personal favorite of mine. Bun B graces the track and syrup is prescription cough syrup mixed with sprite and jolly ranchers. Mmmm-hmmm.

Tongue Ring - not my cup of tea but I know people who like it.

Baby Mama - a great short about child support, court, women and things of that nature. One of my favorite videos.

2-way Freak - The first 20 seconds of this video makes me so happy. I've never suffered from this particular problem: "She's going through your beeper when she's knowing you asleep," but I can empathize can't I?

Ridin Spinners - I wish I had a cousin like Big Shasta.

Obviously Stay Fly and Poppin My Collar are on the list, but you should have those in your iTunes already.

Don't forget the Academy Award winning, Its hard out here for a pimp. A great song and they're right - it is hard out here. Holla.

You need to watch 3-6 on the red carpet. I absolutely love when they introduce themselves. And oh my goodness Juicy J's explanation of Hustle and Flow is priceless. You have to admit, DJ Paul held himself well in front of the mic - he always does.

Look at how happy they are receiving the award! I've watched the Oscars a few times, and honestly, nobody has been as happy as these guys. Nobody.

I must now watch the Barcelona Liverpool game, but certainly have a great three six mafia day - I know I will.

PS - I found the acceptance speech! It took me some time (1 day later) and I had to steal it but this is a must see. So much joy (The catch - you need windows media). Jon Stewart of course rises to the occasion. The video cuts off before he says, "I can still hear them back there," referring to backstage.

Before I Forget

Sweet...

Its no secret the Big Tymers make me happy. Check out how they finish #1 Stunna. This escalates quite rapidly:

That Lexus - the new one - that come out in 2001 with the frog eyes. I got that bitch on dubs. And that Yu- the new Yukon, that's bubble-eye - I got that bitch on dubs. And that Mercedes Wagon, with the kit, that's kitted out, look like it got frog eyes - that bitch on dubs. And I got that Benz that me and my dog bought for our bitches - we got this [stuff] here on dubs. We all drive Bentley's on dubs. I'm tryin' to put platinum eyebrows on these hoes... I just bought me a platinum football field [friend].

I know that's kind of hard to follow. Allow me to break down the progression; Lexus, Yukon, Mercedes, Benz, Bentley, platinum eyebrows, platinum football field. That exchange may be one of the most enjoyable endings to a song I've ever listened to. We were left with Baby having purchased a platinum football field!

A football field is 150 yards by 65 yards of playing surface. Assuming negligible thickness that's 9,750 square yards of platinum. A troy ounce of platinum weighs 31 grams and costs about $1,100 per troy ounce. I'm in conflicting units here so I'm going to go ahead and assume based on the properties of platinum and for the sake of argument (in favor of Fresh that is) that one gram of platinum can reasonably cover one square foot of playing surface. Based on that the Big Tymers, including Wheezy Baby, (don't forget that) will need 87,750 grams of platinum. That's 87 kilos of platinum. Kilos. That translates to $31,137,709. That's 31 million dollars... dang. I thought it was going to be more than that? I guess they can afford it. Well this post has taken an unforeseen turn.

Can you even imagine the recruiting advantage Baby would have...

"You'll be the number one option here in Oakland Mr. Johnson." or

"You'll be playing on platinum... ... ... Literally running on the precious metal platinum."

I can see the news story now - "In a remarkable draft the New Orleans Tymers signed an unprecedented 31 of 32 first round draft picks for league minimum salary." Calvin Johnson, JaMarcus Russell, Adrian Peterson, Ted Ginn, Dwaryne Jarrett and Marshawn Lynch have refused to play for any other team that isn't New Orleans.

If you don't think this is possible think again. Gold, silver and platinum are so valuable partly because they don't react with oxygen (won't corrode) and they're transition metals. That means they are very soft and malleable relative to other metals. Running on a thin enough layer of platinum with some sort of polymer rubber mat underneath it would probably feel something like running on al dente lasagna slats. With the right cleats I bet Reggie Bush runs a 4.1 forty on platinum.

I approached my dad about this subject a few years ago. I promise I'm not making this up. The first thing he pointed out is that palladium (left), not platinum, would make more sense as a playing surface. This has to do with the malleability and softness of palladium compared to platinum. Palladium unfortunately is less valuable than platinum and since "sheer waste," as my father put it, seems to be essential here, Rhodium (right) should be the Big Tymers choice. I fact-checked my dad even though he was clearly correct. Palladium is 1/3 less expensive and Rhodium is a stunning 6 times more expensive. 6k per troy ounce. My dad told me to notify him once rappers upgrade to Rhodium and until then, lets not speak of things like that anymore.

Check out this segway...

While we're on the subject of bling - I miss Shyne. If you don't remember who Jamal Barrow is, shame on you. The story has that at a nightclub in New York a Puff hater approached Diddy, threw cash at him, pulled a gun and then tried to kill Puffy and then-girlfriend J-Lo. Shyne opened fire claiming self defense while Sean hid behind a table waiting for security. Everyone involved in the shooting was acquitted except Shyne. He got a 10-ball. That was in 2001.

What's he been doing in prison? Well for one he has changed his name as he converted to Judaism. He goes by Moses Michael Leviy and came out with some songs. Here is one - you can see him rapping from his prison cell. Unimpressed? Me too. But hey, if you had to rap via phone and then had your money frozen (inmates aren't allowed to profit from their crimes) - your heart wouldn't be in it either. 2011 can't come soon enough.

I'm not ready to talk about...

The "Free Genarlow/Nifong/Shyne" shirts I may have ordered online.