Double Take

Sorry, I just had to post this one more time.*

*I'm really not sorry.

Strictly Sports

Waiter, for starters I would like the cheese sampler.

The NFL

What I know: The Patriots, Colts, Cowboys and Packers are the only teams that matter. Pittsburgh's defense is overrated (if you even think they have a good defense) and since their style of play mandates that they have a good defense, they don't matter. The Jaguars have Del Rio, who has flown under the radar as a terrible playoff coach for too long. The Chargers have a bad defense, a bad quarterback, and without HOF fullback L. Neal blocking for LaDainian, a diminished running game. The Seahawks can always spoil things, but not so much on the road. The Bucs are OK at everything, but great at nothing.

The Browns are the only team I think can really stir things up. They are a cold weather team. The have a good O-line and apparently a good quarterback. Leigh Bodden is arguably the best corner in the league and you didn't even know (not you Eebs). The only problem is that they actually have to make the playoffs and believe it or not, this depends on whether or not Adam bet on them to win the division. He's Cleveland's anti-muse.


What I don't know: How much Dwight Freeney's injury is gonna hurt the Colts. Who the Patriots really are as a team. You have to admit the parallels to the '04 Colts are eery. What I don't know is if the Pats really can't run the ball and if their defense is as bad as they have looked. This leads me perfectly into


What I want: I want the Patriots to lose to the Dolphins, beat the Giants to keep them out of the playoffs, then lose to anyone in the playoffs. Anyone but the Pats can win the superbowl for all I care, so long as the games are good.


The verdict - the NFL is lame.


The NHL

What I know: The Blues are a legit contender this year and the Red Wings are even better. The Flyers, typical for Philly, are the dirtiest team in the league and like Bono, a big piece of shit. I also know why the Blues were so bad after the rule changes and why they are now legit. The Blues, the year before the rule changes, had built up good, lumbering defensemen who were perfect for clutch and grab hockey. The new rules skewered them for that and our defensemen have since come around. So much so that we arguably have the best defensive lines in the league.

What I don't know: Everything else. I have never fully caught up with the NHL since the strike. Jason and I did an exercise where one of us would name a hockey player, and the other would have to guess what team he was on (or if he was even playing anymore). Jason won with 2 correct answers out of 50. I got Joe Sakic and he got Brodeur and Cheechoo.

I also don't know what's up with Crosby and the Pens. I watched Jason's team alot last year mainly because they were on TV and also because the Blues depressed me.

What I want: The BlueNotes to make the playoffs and give me playoff hockey that I've been missing so much. And as always, a Canadian team to not win the cup.

The verdict, the NHL is sweet


The NBA

What I know: The Cavs and the Lakers are going to be just fine. The Suns and the Mavs are flawed just like last year. The Magic and the Hornets have promising futures. The Pistons and the Celtics are teams that the Spurs should fear and of course, never count out the Warriors.

What I don't know: Can the Celtics stay healthy and remain ageless once playoff time comes around? I don't know how serious Tim Duncan's injury is nor do I know if the Spurs have this insane drive to cement their legacy that Popavich apparently has (so I've read). I also don't know if the supporting casts for Kobe and Lebron can improve enough throughout the season to make this year different from last year.

What I want: I want the NBA to be entertaining. This means that Kobe, Lebron, the Suns, and the Warriors all experience some success. I want the Celtics to get swept first round (Can you tell I hate Boston yet?). I want Kobe to shoot 85% from the field, take 20 shots, average 45, 12 and 8 only to lose. I want similar things for Lebron.

What I really want is for the Warriors to win it all. For Stephen Jackson to buy a nightclub in New York, rig the sprinkler fire alarms with Moet and set them off with weed smoke. I want Hillary Clinton at this party to be photographed flashing Mitt Romney and Don Nelson videotaped "cranking that" (and then rumored to have superman'd Britany Spears later that night). I want Juvenile, TI, BunB, Lil Boosie, Snoop, Dre, Paul Wall and Wheezy F Your Reverend all in attendance and I want a rumor to break out that PacMan Jones opened fire in the club but Stephen Jackson "caught and disposed” of the fired rounds. I also want photos of Mike Vick slapping up Pimp C in the VIP room and when asked about it, I want Bob Costas (also in attendance) to confirm it completely deadpan.




The English Premier League


What I know: Arsenal convinced me (recently) that they can hold off Man Utd. Chelsea and Liverpool will not be in contention. Chelsea because of injuries and coaching and Liverpool because of team strategy and personnel.


What I don't know: Is Man City for real? Will Torres and Tevez (hopefully) continue their success? Why did I think the song lyrics were, "Arsenal the best!" instead of "Arsenal F C!" But that's neither here nor there.


What I want: For Cesc and Adebayor to continue icing the erotic cake of love. That means to keep scoring. Sorry. I also want for Cristiano to stay healthy because he is a privilege to watch.



The Serie A

What I know: My mother bought me a Juventus replica (away) when she was in London and so now I’m a Juve fan. I figure this is how it happens when you’re a kid, why not now. Anyway, all I know is that Kaka is in this league and not on Juve (gulp). We do however have one of my favorite under appreciated forwards of all time in David Trezeguet – cleverly nicknamed, David Trezegol – which is also clever because he’s the leading goal scorer. So clever.

What I don’t know: How Inter ran away with the league.

What I want: For Juve to catch Roma and sign Carlos Bueno. Jim knows this.

The MLB

What I know: The Mitchell report was really stupid. It may reveal something about my fanhood but I could not care less.

What I don’t know: Anything about next year, and in particular, just how bad the Cardinals are going to be. Baseball is Josh Hancock to me.

What I want: Is that significant? (A special thanks to Eebs for this one).


I'm not ready to talk about:
How good Trezegol looks in that picture.

Happy Holidays everyone

Enjoy the Show

I'll get right to it.

The following is also known as an mpeg layer 3 recorder, lame…

Beyonce. Here's the pitch:

Alright Beyonce, you've won three Grammys, you've been in a few films, you actually have a wikipedia page dedicated to your awards. You're probably in the prime of your career and because of that we want you to endorse Directv by putting a gold plated size 72 font placard in your mouth. You're gonna dance around like an idiot, gold will be everywhere - you'll be lying in it, draped in it and again, some of it will be in your mouth. For the grand finale you're going to shake your crotch at the camera singing, lemme lemme lemme lemme lemme upgrade-ja.

Does her agent still have a job? Is she even managed at all? Haven't seen it yet? Watch Beyonce commit career suicide. Yeesh.

Now that Beyonce has let you down, you can turn your attention to these next two individuals, both of whom are sweet...

Justin Bobby. I'll explain why I've been watching The Hills later. More important than that is the magic JB pulls off every episode. I speak most notably of episode 17 - when Justin Bobby goes to a club with his girlfriend (Audrina) only to eventually cheat on her with another girl... at the bar... in front of everyone.

I know what you're thinking - Juan, that's not sweet, that's quite dumb in fact. And it would be dumb if he didn't emerge from this whole event looking sweeter than before. My proof? Later in the same episode, Spencer's sister (who is simply Spencer's twin with long hair) was at the very same bar recounting the events of that night... My paraphrase: This guy Justin Bobby was there, and cheated on the girl he was with, but he seemed like the nicest one of the group.

The new buzzword for, "treat that girl like garbage and she'll still love you" is, Justin-Bobby that hoe. Thank Soulja Boy for the inspiration.

Isaac. I'll explain why I've been watching the Real World later. For several seasons of the Real World there hasn't been a truly likable character. You would think cast members were hot, but you wouldn't actually like them. Isaac's lovable freakout and the way he has brought the house together has made him the most likable character I can remember as of recent. Chatahoochee gets honorable mention for his deadpan hoosier wisdom for everything as well. Up until the most recent episode, which was filler at best, this season has been very entertaining.

Back to the incredibly lame...

Pimp C found dead. Chad Butler by himself was just a simple man who loved shellfish, but along side of Bun B he formed the likes of a formidable and fascinating rap group known as the Underground Kingz (UGK). Some of my (and Jim's) favorite Pimp C lyrics are:

Smowk sumthin beeeeeeeeetch (:06 mark warning, quite lewd after that)

I eat so many shrimp, I got iodine poisoning (1:28 mark, also inappropriate before/after that)

Maybe you should just take my word for it instead. In summary, it sucks that he's dead and I am intrigued to see what Bun B will do about this.

Continuing with the mostly lame...

The Victoria Secret Fashion Show 2007. Underwhelming is the word I would use to describe it (and just did). Here is what you'll see if you don't want to watch the whole show- which I'm not quite sure why you wouldn't, but still:

~Models constantly trying to pump up the crowd - they knew they were laying an egg too

~Way too many blown kisses - two kisses at most per show and it works, more than that and you don't feel special (they're blowing you the kiss after all)

~Artistic outfits missing the mark - if you find yourself tilting your head slightly to the side in a confused manner when you see them don't be surprised

~Alessandro mails it in - I can't tell if she thinks she is getting too big for VS or if she was just coked up.

~Too much Heidi - I never thought it would come to this but you can tell they're really missing Gisele. This year has shown that Heidi cannot support the show by herself.

Not everything was lame though, some sweet bright spots were:

~Karonlina Kurkova - pictured in my favorite outfit and entrance. She was last year's hands down MVP and would be this year if it weren't for

~Miranda Kerr - "little miss cutie" as Jeff put it

~Selita Ebanks - near flawless if it weren't for that really dumb hands outfit.
~The New Girl - The winner of the on-campus model search, out of USC (of course), absolutely kills it (18:40 mark)

I will end this post on something lame I have been meaning to talk about.

"Well done is better than well said." -Tom Brady. If I were in the midst of history I would think of better quotes than that. The quote sucks. I'm not even sure I know what it means.

Before I forget - here is the shirt I just purchased. http://www.freemikevick.com/

I'm not ready to talk about:

I hope you're all effing happy. 23 months. And for what. For what? Fighting dogs. I thought this was America

Wanna upgrade the blog? How about some feedback. I can't know whether I suck or not unless you tell me. Feed back!

This Turkey Is A Touch Bitter For My Taste

It's a Turkey-Day spesh! What more can you ask for then to be at home together with friends and family on such a momentus holiday. Oh wait, I'm not at home, and none of my friends are here.

The following is much like that mini-bottle of marmelade (pictured), sweet...

I Pardon You, Mr. Gobbles. Upon further inspection, its name is May. The President did the deed twice this year and pardoned May's back-up*, Flower as well. The names of the pardoned turkeys are actually quite clever.

2006 - Flyer and Fryer
2005 - Marshmallow and Yam
2004 - Biscuit and Gravy (my personal favorite)
2003 - Stars and Stripes (boooooo!)

Stars and Stripes? That's lame...

If you looked at that picture and thought, "that looks tasty..." For shame. If you looked at May and thought, "oh that's nice, go be free and live out all those turkey dreams you May...have." Good pun, but turkeys raised on farms are so overweight these days that the pardoned turkeys go on to die 2-3 months later. This is because their poor little turkey hearts can't bear the load of pumping blood to their morbid bodies. Morbidly delicious bodies I might add. At least they didn't end up like (from left to right) Snitch #1, Snitch #2, Snitch #3 and Guilty By Association. --->
So in summary, turkey's are a snitching species and are treated as such. The End.


*I have no idea what a back-up turkey is.


Mini-size Me. The Thanksgiving people over at Swiss Colony understand my will power issues. If you are like me, you tend to eat too many appetizers before the big meal. It's kind of like too much kissing before sealing the deal - you're still gonna finish your meal, but you're kind of upset you ate so many damn appetizers. Fear not, Swiss Colony makes it awkward to eat all three summer sausages, even though they are the size of your pinky. What's that, you've taken a normal bite of the smoked cheddar? Way to go selfish, now the other 7 people can't have any, they have to settle for pepper-jack. And they hate pepper-jack. Thanks Swiss Colony for helping me justify screaming at my selfish brother-in-law.

Football. I mention this in particular because it's 12:28, and the GreenBay-Detroit game is about to start. Phew, now I don't have to talk to anyone not watching the game. Plus I started Donald Driver on my fantasy team just to add some reason to cheer.

Shaun Rogers is really fat*. He had too many appetizers --->

*Nothing personal Shaun, but I would probably look bad in HD too.

Damn You Pam Oliver. Stop distracting my boy Donald Driver.

The following is a horse with a limp, lame...

English Media/Fans. England lost 3-2 to the Croats yesterday to be eliminated from the Euro Cup. Why am I calling out the media/fans? They consistently hate on Peter Crouch and even more unthinkable, David Beckham. One of the two of these extremely likable and valuable players did not start and the other one wouldn't have if it weren't for injury (Becks and RoboCrouch respectively). Down 2-1, Beckham one-times a ball on a cross over one defender and onto Crouch's chest, who buries it. I cannot express adequately just how impressive this cross is. The third replay shows it all. It's in fact, such a ridiculous cross, I'm done writing about this. England, you got what you asked for - complain till your vocal chords burst about the coach and the midfield and the injuries and the under-achieving. Your best player sat out the first half, and I haven't read about that once since the loss.

and in case you were wondering, I am officially in panic mode and
Not ready to talk about:

Uruguay WCQ.

Have a great Thanksgiving.

Thanks for Giving Break

I could apologize for my sabbatical or I could get right to it. (I'm sorry)

The following is NutraSweet - but not the kind that causes cancer.

The Mike Vick Experience - good decisions all around to surrender early. Such maturity should be rewarded with 3 months in jail, 3 months at a half-way house, and some community service petting dogs or something so that people will stop freaking out about it. How great would that be if Mike Vick went door to door in Virginia and asked to pet your dog under your supervision as part of his community service. I'd move to Virginia just to play the odds.

Apparently the prison he might attend is called Northern Neck Prison. Somewhere Lil Wayne has incorporated that into a lyric. I spent the last 10 minutes trying to come up with one and realized why I'm not a rapper. I felt like Big Triece and Computer. Rumor has it... that Season two will start sometime in November of this year. Thats pretty soon. Rumor also has it that it took me a very long time to find those clips above because I didn't know what they were doing was called, "whylin."

Three Six Mafia - Most of my reader(s) know this, but just in case you didn't, triple six proved they can make a hit out of actual nothingness. Project Pat's verse is amazing... how is this?

Whylin - Come to think of it - my friends and I do this alot. Whether in the Northway or at Bar Durham, I can thankfully say we never let it get this far.

My Segway Into This. Speaking of the YouTube mentality gone terribly wrong - did anyone else hear about this story? And no I haven't seen the video, nor did I search for it. But I guess I've earned that question.

The following is Google, define: lame

He Who Will Remain Nameless will remain nameless. The American Dream is indeed released after only a 500 day delay. The catch? It's an EP, which just means its a shorter version of a regular CD (an LP). It has 6 songs and two of them, Back Then and Still Tippin, you've already heard. The other four songs were leaked hundreds of days ago, so you've probably already heard those too. I'm not linking them - I hate him.

That's not true. But seriously, what is going on here?? Mr. Jones is amazing and Like What I Got is typical HWWRN. The explanation I have consistently read is that the label doesn't think his new CD has any popularity and will flop. Well come on Ice Age Entertainment, I have been waiting for this album for 900 days counting the day after I heard his Who Is... album. Then they have the gall (thanks Bob Dylan) to write that his new album, after this album, which I'm not sure counts as one, is called "Voice of the Streets" and will be coming soon, March 2008. Hilarious.

How funny? Well go to Amazon.com and search for The American Dream (and his name) and you'll see two different album covers. The original. The new one. Read what the availability is for the original album... Ya, tell me about it Amazon... I know.

I'm not ready to talk about:

Thanksgiving Break Virginia 07.

With all this free time I'll be back much sooner this time - I promise.

Wanderings

Lets get right to it

The following is sweet...

Graffiti. So as you reader(s) know I'm in the District right now and I take the metro every day to get to class. If you've ever been in the DC metro you know that there are poster advertisements everywhere. They are about 3 feet by 3 feet and spread throughout the walls.

Also prevalent in the Balto-Wash area is snitch prevention (preventers pictured, right). The Stop Snitching movement and the metro advertisements have something hilariously in common. One of the many advertisements I pass during my commute happened to be advertising an extermination service. The ad pictured an upside down (dead) cockroach and some company name I can't remember right now. Some prankster, who I'm assuming is a student of the Stop Snitching University, took a red sharpie and drew an arrow to the dead cockroach. I actually didn't want to risk messing this image up, so I did the best I could on Microsoft Paint. What he did is pictured below (and eerily accurate I might add).

Apparently Sargent Polley was slain for what I have to assume was snitching. Other officers take note.

*Also apparent to me is that the metro crew did not find this as humorous as I because it was taken down after 3 days. It is clever, you have to give Melo that...

OJ Simpson. So I took a cheap shot at OJ last week with the murderer joke. He was proven innocent in a court of law and I should respect that. What I came to realize is that I didn't even really remember vital details of the trial. In fact,

Rumor Has It... that E! True Hollywood Story covered the OJ trial and reported that Nicole Brown was stabbed 70 times. I remember this detail specifically because one of my friends (that will remain unnamed) cracked a joke that it takes him less than 70 times to jerk off. Now you know why I would remember. Anyway, I decided to let google settle this quandary. I searched for:
how many times did oj simpson's wife stabbed
and the title of the first page that comes up is great. I won't tell you what it is because you need to experience this yourself - so copy and paste above in google and enjoy the first link that pops up.

Where was I, ah yes, details. Well after I stopped laughing I checked the autopsy report - which I will include just as a source, its quite gross, and if you're squeemish, I don't recommend reading it . Well the autopsy reported 7 stab wounds. Which is quite different from seventy, E!.

Gosh, E!, you should really fact check that next time.

I'll be honest, the whole point of this was to remind everyone how hot Nicole was. Look at how hot she is!! ---->


If she broke up with me and I was a really successful and rich football player I probably would have freaked out and murdered her and her boyfriend too. Although if I'm pretending I'm OJ, that didn't actually happen. That's just a hypothetical. I didn't murder anyone.

I also would like to express my grievance over the bad name that Broncos received. I was going to buy a bronco and everyone kept make comments like, "oh, where are you going??", "what are you running from", or "did you just kill your estranged wife???" Real funny guys.

*PS - I wrote this segment before the Vegas arrest... hopefully this isn't too much Juice for one week.

The rest of this post falls strictly under the lame...

Craigslist scams. I wasn't actually scammed per sae. This is only thanks to my great street sense. Here is the situation - I was campaigning for a queen/full mattress to upgrade from the lousy twin I had to endure throughout undergrad. I shotgun emailed several sellers and one response in particular seemed to stand out amongst the rest. Here is the transcript:
My email

Hi, Is the mattress still available? I can pick it up tonight. (My name, now edited because of an effing google search)
410.555.5555

He responded with a phone call that went something like this:

You called about the mattress. Ya its still available. You can pick it up at
1:30 in the morning. Bring cash. Do you want directions?

I was unsure if I wanted the mattress anymore - shocking, I know. I told him I already found a mattress, thanks. He then responded to my email the next day

Jon Jon T
Re: mattress 9/6/2007 10:57

yes

No typos there. That's been pasted. Needless to say I may be done with Craig and his list. I've somehow managed to avoid a vicious mugging thus far, I might as well quit the game on top.

The Mike Vick Experience. There is so much I want to write about this saga. This, however, is not the proper forum. I would like to clear up some things that have been bothering me though.

The dogs are not forced to fight: I think somehow this has been lost. Mike Vick doesn't get into the ring and make the dogs fight. The dogs are so angry at each other, they choose to fight. Not much should be shocking thus far. Yes yes, if the dogs don't actually fight, they will probably be murdered, but the dogs don't know this. Moments before being drowned they don't bark to their dog friends the consequences of their non-violence. They wouldn't do that anyway, remember, the dogs hate each other.

The "rape" stand: This is a misnomer. No "rape" is occurring. The female dog is in heat, would like to mate, but is also very mean. We all know women like this. The "mating" stand simply immobilizes the female and prevents her from biting the male who is also willing to mate. I repeat, no rape occurs.

Eebs and I talked at length about the Mike Vick Experience and one of the hypotheticals we entertained was an equivalent scenario. By this I mean - what could possibly be the equivalent of the African American face of the NFL being charged with dogfighting? After hours and hours of discussion, we concluded that Peyton Manning would have to be filmed at an underground Hobo Fighting Championship, cheering like a madman and showering his homeless fighter with racial epithets. Reports would have to surface that Peyton Manning buys multiple vagrants off of the street, gives them illicit drugs to gain an advantage at fighting, and then never pays the hobo should he win. Just try and imagine your outrage.


Polar Bears. These beautiful, serene creatures are struggling. If you haven't read the report yet, 2/3 of the polar bears are to be extinct by the year 2050 due to the climate change. Just look at that fuzzy lil thing and be sad for her and her pup. Two out of three of her friends are going to be dead. You know what else is occuring by 2050 - recall that all the fish in the sea will be extinct as well. I promise I'm not trying to mock climate change - it's just that ridiculous.


I'm not ready to talk about.

The cardinals. The rams.

FIBA (second round): Uruguay vs. USA

Espn classic get ready. Sportscenter prepare for an emergency 2am special update. You read it here first. Its 10:40 and in 20 minutes Uruguay is going to play the United States in basketball. I can't wait.

Enjoy a live play by play of the game. No editing, no takebacks, only spellcheck. I'll add pictures during commercials - if there are any of Uruguay.

10:43 - Baseball tonight is on. Vlad just hit a fastball at his eyes over 150 meters. Jeff just asked me if I knew any players on the team. I don't. He then followed up with, "Its probably just going to be your soccer team."

10:44 - Commercials. Mute. This guy needs a home. Or rather, he needs insurance. Farmers Helppoint can help.

10:47 - Zambrano's on the mound. This game is of interest. Apparently Suppan hasn't won in 9 weeks. That's a quote. Kurkjan immediately says, "that's ridiculous." BeerMakers win. Good. Beat the crap out of eachother you two.

10:50 - Oswalt almost turns his ankle. If I knew Oswalt was on the mound I would have (holy crap Edmonds does it again) bet my life on the Astros winning. We can't touch him. Jimmy World had an absolutely silly catch. Whatever, I already knew the outcome.

10:54 - Mute. The anticipation builds throughout the silence. If we win when I'm doing a play by play of this... well I can't even imagine that. I may die at my computer. I'll have to have Jeff publish it posthumously.

10:57 - Let's goooooooo (Ortiz hits the third deck. Yanks win)

10:58 - The Gems. I'm beginning to think the barehand is overrated. Jimmy World made #1. He has to be used to it. Add it to the list.

10:59 - "Tip is in two minutes."

11:00 - "Uruguay provides the challenge tonight as the US tries to keep their record unblemished." He pronounced it correctly - Nice. The game is Vegas. The spread has to be 60. I wonder if it's up (checking).

11:02 - Carmelo hurt is heel... start the excuses. Oh wow, Lebron can dunk it. Ho hum. Esteban Batista from the Atlanta Hawks. I didnt' know that. He punched a Canadian. Then punched a different guy on the floor and grabbed his johnson. I love it.

11:03 - Mazzarini, Osimani, Aguiar, Paez, Batista. Get used to those names. They'll all be in the L after this upset. I don't even care who is starting for the US.

11:04 - Tip. We won the tip. So far so good. BANGED A THREE. Uh oh. We're confident. Ranked 30th in the world. Lebron show-boats, Redd misses.

11:05 - I couldn't find it on sportsbook. I checked bodog and the site doesnt exist. US jacks and misses a three.

11:06 - great ball movement but we miss. Kidd makes a three. Lucky. And one for Batista. He has a sick tatoo of a sun on his arm. Peep the Uruguayan flag and you'll understand.

6-3 good guys.

11:07 - (I'm gonna go by game time now)
8:00 - no I'm not, its just as annoying

11:08 - Lebron jacks and forces. Mazzarino (that can't be how that's spelled) bangs a three. The replay shows that it was right in Lebron's face. Apparently we're a small nestled country the size of Washington. We're up 9-7.

11:10 - Mazzarino misses a wide open three. Announcers are worried. Jeff gets out of the shower and exclaims, "DANG YOU WINNIN!!!." Lebron hotdogs a pass. 9-9. Batista misses a free throw, goddamnt batista. 10-9.

11:11 - The announcers keep wondering why the US hasn't pulled away yet. Lebron finds an acorn. 10-12. I hate Bill Walton. Yes obviously if he can hit that shot he'll be good.

11:12 - Redd misses again. Keep passing Kobe, keep passing. Batista with an easy lay in. Our uni's ps are sick of the sicker. I may get one. 12-12. Kidd misses. Uruguay lay-up. Immediate time-out. Oh that Krzysewski face I've been missing for too long. God I love it. 14-12. Commercials. Mute. Phew - I needed a break, I'm giving you everything I got.

11:14 - They show Carmelo and the excuses continue. "His absence is showing." I scoff. Lebron finds another acorn. 14-15. Kobe with the lay-up. I missed the turnover it happened so fast. 14-17. Another turnover, another lay-up. 14-19. I may go to sleep.

11:16 - Three ball from Mazzarino. I'm up again. 17-19. Kobe misses a dunk. HA! I love Kobe though. Batista airballs followed with a US turnover.

11:17 - Clank. Kobe takes over. And one. Fuck. Batista with the foul. I'm sure he saying inappropriate things in Spanish. The announcers talk shit about Uruguay. 17-22. Deron Williams checks in (and Chauncey, and Mike Miller). I like this.

11:18 - Shot clock violation after great ball movement.

11:19 - 17-24. Another miss. Amare steps on the line and turns it over. He has a weird band-aid on his ear. Batista with the huge dunk. We're not intimidated apparently. Holla.

11:20 - Miss, Miss. Mike Miller sucks. Tayshawn lets his hair grow out and hits a 3. I like how every player is assuming a role they aren't good at.

11:21 - Shit. 19-29 and another TO. Amare to the line. ESPN has the LSU - Mississippi State countdown going. I can't wait for college football. I'm not changing the subject though. The US presses up 12. Assholes. Whatever, it leads to a Batista layup and that's the 1st. 21-29. Alright alright. I'm nodding my head and happy. Great shot before commercials of the Uruguayan coach laughing after Lebron hits a 3. That made my night.

11:23 - Mute. Kryzsweswki recruits via commercials. That's legal...

11:25 - I realize I don't know what FIBA stands for. JayZ and Beyonce are at the game. Jay is wearing a hilariously colored shirt. 21-33. Ummmm, great oop to Batista. Walton uses the word remarkable and he's absolutely right. 23-33

11:26 - Amare offensive not called. 23-35. Great pass idiot. Turnover Uruguay. Grab that pass damn't!! Tickytac foul. Couch K clearly worked the refs. Chauncey at the line. Lebron chewing his nails per usual.

11:27 - hahahahahhaha, they show Uruguay on a map. Walton highlights it and starts talking about the River Plate. 37-23. Batista gets swatted terribly. His confidence is gone.

11:28 - Ripped, Nice. 3 ball.... damnt. 3 ball.... damnt. Tayshawn dunks after the whistle T HIM UP!

11:29 - Uruguayan gets punched in the face. Really dirty play and the clock is stopped. Waiting for the replay. Chancey destroys him then Amare joins in just like he was born to do. No ejections.

11:30 - running 3 by some dude that needs to be taken out immediately. Batista with another flush. The announcers love it. 25-37. Montevideo was just shouted out. Yeah.

11:31 - Mike Miller sucks. Billups travels and is taken out. I love K. Lebron is back in. Ho hum. Kobe looks bored, this is good, keep him subdued. Lebron dunks and slaps the backboard. T HIM THE EFF UP. are there no rules in international basketball!!!awelfkjasd;lf

11:33 - Batista subs out, we're fucked. Cross, cross, stripped, way to go Martinez. Lebron off the glass. Jacked three. Lebron again. Announcers laughing, Melo on his feet. I just dozed off for a bit. 25-43.

11:35 - Replays of Lebron confirm unremarkable-ness of play. Walton is throwing out country names and struggling. TV timeout. 5 left to half. I just scrolled up, this is getting to be quite long. Maybe I'll tone it down a bit.

11:37 - Walton didn't know they went to commercial so he's still talking. Reach not called. Kobe almost makes me stop doing this. He's fouled rather hard. 25-45. Dang... that quick. We were doing well. Walton mentions we are the worst shooting team in the tournament. Oh.

11:38 - Banged another 3. 28-45. Kobe with a street cross. Get him outta there K. Missed the throw, he just may. 28-47.

11:39 - we try to force it to Batista, I understand boys. Lebron with, what's that? another dunk. Way to work on your game Lebron.

11:40 - 31-49 and we're on the break. Our PG pulls up for a runner from the free throw line. I refuse to type for 3 minutes now.

11:43 - 34-55 bad guys. Lebron is really lame. Kobe dunks. The camera men keep cutting to the bench after every dunk. Redd is shown this time with a fist in the air. Great work fellas. Mute. 2 to go till half.

11:45 - Apparently Lebron hasn't missed yet. 4-4 from 3, 24 points... stupid. Kobe with a reverse. Amare with another hard foul. This guy is a thug. Cut to Uruguay coach. Hand under chin, unamused. 38-61.

11:46 - Walton reminds everyone why Uruguayans don't look Mexican. 94% of Uruguay is of European background. See guys... see. Lebron with another dunk. This is stupid. He chooses not to shoot before half because he doesn't want to have a miss on his stats. What a bigidy bitch. Amare hits a 3. That may have done it. That 3 really hurt. 38-66. JJ Redick teaches me how to shoot at betterbasketball.com. If only he could teach how to suck when it matters most. Now I'm just bitter. I haven't updated the time anymore. It's 11:49.

To sleep I go. We had a real shot up until that lucky 3 by Thugamire.


Final thoughts

The US got all but 6 of their points from fast breaks. I think that may be our defense. I also don't think we shot inside the 3 point line and outside of the paint. That and way too many runners. I desperately want to know the spread.

The only thing I want is that when they show the highlights on Sportscenter tomorrow is for you reader(s) to not be impressed by the Lebron compilation. As unbiased as I can be, it actually wasn't that all that noticeable. The fact that he hadn't missed actually surprised me.

I've stayed up too long and see that we shot 36%. Now I'm actually turning it off.

I liked our squad though. Batista clearly dominated and our ball movement was alright. We jack shots like the WNBA though. That's all for me, goodnight. (sorry about the no pictures...)

Something New

I've created a new section. It's called, "Rumor Has It" and I basically use this section to disclose something mostly true or mostly false. Without further adieu:

Rumor Has It... that both my parents read the entire Preakness post last week. My mom called to tell me that it was discovered under the history tab and that dad watched every video. Although he would not admit it, Juan Sr.'s favorite video was the one of the girl crying by herself with sunglasses on. You know what this means though - two more readers!! That brings the total up to 4, counting me. Pretty exciting I know

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Sweet...

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The Return of American Gladiator. I can't believe I had forgotten about this show. If ever there was an indication that steroids were on the rise - it has to be this show. I'm not just talking about the gladiators either, some of the participants are clearly juicing. Most of the ESPN classic shows I've seen have included:

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Gemini - This man, under strict definition, may actually be retarded. Watch him fight a contestant on the show because... well, because he's dumb.

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Malibu - Woops. After watching this*, Gemini may actually be the Albert Einstein of gladiators. I'm not even referring to the first 15 seconds of this video - I'm referring to the last 40 seconds.

If you were wondering... from now on when I recap my night, I'm going to say, "taking a little brewski (do hand motion), with a beautiful babe on my side (do hand motion)" in that california voice.

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*I think I got this clip from somewhere else? Sorry for not citing, but I honestly can't remember where.

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Nitro - After some discussion with my friends I've decided that Nitro is the only gladiator we liked when we were kids. I hate them all now, but I think that name makes for a great first impression. 2nd place for name goes to Turbo and 3rd place - Laser.

Both can be seen in this great video. Turbo gets pwned at first, but makes an incredible recovery on the 2nd guy. I need him playing ILB for the Rams.

And how about Lisa's move - I want her as our back-up RB.

I know we already have a kick returner, but put Mike back there too. Juke city.

This guy clearly wouldn't make it in the NFL. Too much gimick. The audio being all messed up actually kind of adds to the video. Whatever, Kyler gets punched in the face for it later. The best angle of the "overhand right" is at the 3:35 mark.

This could go on for forever - I must digress.

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Well the following is something I've been waiting to share because I believe it to be sweet...

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Without Sports. You know those "without sports" commercials that show on Espn and occasionally on CBS and such. I like this one. But I like this one that never got onto the air more.

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Without Sports. He would just be a murderer

The following is insanely lame...

Copyright Infringement. That message (pictured) is ruining me. Already on the Preakness post I found that the Gladiator scene was removed, and I was re-reading some of my Champions League stuff and every link has been taken down. I knew this would happen once YouTube was sold. Why must all good things come to an end?

back to sweet...

This is why I love Bob Dylan

I'm as pale as a ghost
Holding a blossom on a stem
You ever seen a ghost? No
But you have heard of them

What can you do - it's true. That lyric is an extract from his latest, Modern Times. If you already like Bob, you'll probably like this cd. The album has those typical Dy-lan moments that sort of cause you to forget where you are and feel dizzy with appreciation. He is clearly past his prime but I liked the album anyway. Great for driving trips.

Ps - that same song from above ends with this:

I wanna be with you in paradise
And it seems so unfair
I can't go to paradise no more
I killed a man back there
You think I'm over the hill
You think I'm past my prime
Let me see what you got
We can have a whoppin' good time

See what I mean...

Fabio gets stwerked. I promised someone I would put this video up because after all, it is hilarious.

Flight of the Conchords. Minute for minute, this could be the funniest show out there. It is unsustainable, but if you haven't been watching you need to do whatever you can and start. The videos (for now) are available on YouTube. They are in 3 parts for each episode - it's pretty straight forward.

I'm not ready to talk about:

Need4Sheed.com. How good Mike Vick looks in that suit.

Unfinished Business

I've decided to simply ignore my 90 day or so absence and pick up right where I left off. And what better way to resume than with some reminiscing...



A day to end all days. The 2nd leg of the Triple Crown as you may know takes place at Pimlico race track a short cab ride away from The Johns Hopkins University. The race is a whole day event filled with good times. Here is my day log - as I remember it.

*Anything with an asterisk is advice for later...

6:00 am - wake up time. First race is at 10 (I think) and gates open at 8am. My friend John Monagan (pronounced, mow-nahgin) is the only two-timer at Preakness among 5 guys and 1 girl.

6:40 am - we decide to leave behind Jason's cooler because it's actually the biggest cooler any of us have ever seen. Rumor has it that there are limits to cooler size and since Jason's looks something like this, better not to risk it. That leaves us with 1 clothe cooler and a big styrofoam joint for 96 beers. Space and ice are now our first worries.

6:41 am - the cab driver asks for 30 bones. Borderline extortion considering the meter runs it at about five fifty. We don't tip. At least my cab didn't.

6:50 am - the driver lies to us and lets us off at the wrong entrance for the infield. The correct entrance is about a mile away. The beer is very heavy and John and I question each other's strength as we juggle a full cooler, a case, and wooden stakes. More about the stakes later.
And in case you were wondering - neither of us were as strong as we thought.

7:10 am - we're finally set up at the entrance. We decided not to employ the locals who had stolen shopping carts and offered their carrying services. There was a substantial market for this service - very interesting. We have a good spot in line and things are looking up. The atmosphere is thick with excitement. That's until Jason shows up with an empty styrofoam cooler. The handle had ripped off and all the ice spilled out. We begin to worry about ice again.
*Styrofoam coolers were actually quite a liability. Several times people would be walking with styrofoam and the cooler would rip in there hands and pour the contents everywhere. People would cheer and heckle like crazy whenever this happened - it was great.


7:30 am - we brought a cermonial 6-pack of Presidente and had to finish this outside. Glass wasn't allowed inside. The head of security was this well spoken woman with an accent and gave a hilarious speech. It went something like this -
"We're gettin ready to open the gates. Glass bottles aren't allowed inside (points at John and I) so don't try it. Whatever my coworkers here say ain't allowed, ain't allowed inside. Don't give them any lip about this because they'll just raise their hand and you're gonna have to deal with me. You don't want this."

*Presidente, if you've never had it, is a Dominican beer and especially delicious in the morning



7:55 am - the line has condensed and people are ready with possesions in hand. John is our runner and we're heading left out of gate. The idea is that you find a spot close to the track, big screens, and betting windows. Once you get your spot you rope off an area with your stakes and caution tape and that's your land.


8:05 am - you walk through an unlit underground tunnel (underneath the track) to get to the infield and it's intense. People are cheering like crazy and the light at the end of the tunnel calls to you. Emerging from the tunnel reminded me of that baseball commercial where you're greeted by "the bluest sky and the greenest grass you've ever seen." Surreal. I paused at the end of the tunnel and people flooded by me. This made me realize that I am that dude in Gladiator when the doors open to the coliseum that gets his head bashed in because he just freezes from all the sunlight. (I think its the beginning of this scene).


8:10 am - we find Jon and begin staking our land. We tape off an unnecessarily large piece of land with a good view of the track. The problem is that the big screens had not been hoisted yet by the cranes, so it turns out we weren't near a screen. We didn't think it'd be that bad. We would eventually be wrong. The colonizing and claiming of land was incredibly revealing. I'm pretty sure I have an exact picture of how it took place with the original 13. Seriously.


9:20 am - ice is sold by the truckload just inside the gates - our fears abate. We set up our chairs, our coolers and begin our Poisson distribution of empty beer cans. Jason and I throw around the pigskin - we have that much space - until a group of security, all wearing yellow jackets, comes by and tells us to put it away. I ask a different security volunteer why we we aren't allowed to throw around the football and he says,

"I don't know. I don't give a fuck. Have a good time."

It quickly becomes the quote of the day... maybe my life.


9:40 am - trouble arrives in the form of a group of sixty Pike brothers from the University of Maryland. They don't respect our taped land. We try and hold them off to hilariously little avail. Intense semi-drunk group discussions follow about whether or not to re-tape a smaller area, move all together, or refuse to make any concessions. Israel-Palestine, India-Pakistan, manifest destiny, Canada, the war on terror, South Africa, apartheid and WWIII are all alluded to. We decide to abandon the tape and form a smaller circle of chairs and coolers. We've lost 75% of our space. The UMD kids have brought, I'm not exaggerating, 40 cases, and a blow-up pool that they filled with ice. This was surprising at first.


*Never be surprised by anything at Preakness.


10:oo am - the first race goes off. This would be the closest I came to banging a trifecta. Horse racing terminology is certainly worth learning if you have no idea what I just wrote. Our spottie along the fence finally gets its first action. We're just before turn one and the horses quite literally roar by. Everyone around us starts cheering wildly as the ponies approach but I'm once again caught silent in admiration. My head turns, and then its over - I snap out of it because I realize my first ever horse wager is actually en route.


The finish was 6,8,1a,2 and I had 6,8,2. Dang.


*It would have paid hundreds of dollars... $#%^!


10:05 am - when's the next race, I asked. 30 minutes. What do we do now? You heard the man, have a good time.

12:00 am - the time has been flying by. A day at the track can actually be quite efficient. Check the program, mention things you like about certain horses, wade through the throngs of people to get to the betting window and then come back holding your square piece of receipt paper that could be worth thousands. With just enough time after all that for a bathroom break and a beer it can actually work out quite nicely.

By this time everyone that is actually here to enjoy the day has arrived at the infield.
I must confess now that the time format I have set up loses all accountability after noon. I'm pretty messed up about now, and that means the rest of the infield is pretty messed up. Sobriety is no where in sight.

Witnessing my first port-o-potty race - Seeing this in person is absolutely amazing. The first people to get up and race cause an absolute riot. In fact, I didn't even know it was happening until a beer can sprayed over my head. What would posses a man to get up there I can never understand. I missed my throw by a ways...


*The shirtless man at the 1:19 mark died. Seriously, he's actually dead.

This video title makes me smile.

The debauchery only gets worse - Everywhere you walk you see things like this and this. The amount of violence surprised me. So many people get cut and want to bleed on you - its gross.

Do not walk with girls - let the girls walk by themselves. Every five seconds some drunk asshole screams in a girls face, "SHOW YOUR TITS!!!" This method is much less successful than the alternative, which is to simply pick up the female on your shoulders, hold her in the air and let the mob begin to chant. This is very dangerous for the holder here because if she doesn't you get pelted with beer cans. That's pretty much the response to everything you don't like at preakness, throw a half full beer at it. Either way, you don't walk with girls because if you do, you're likely to get pelted with a Busch Light.


The craziest thing I personally witnessed - the urinals are easily the most likely place to catch a disease. The ground in between the rows and 5 yards outside of the outside row is muddy. It's muddy with urine. And sometimes feces. As the day progresses fewer and fewer urinals are actually accessible without stepping in waste. My story has to do with why.
A girl stumbles up nearly unconscious to the bathroom line right next to mine. She looks over with that glaze in her eyes that we've all seen and recognize to be the empty drunk void. I start to laugh (I did alot of that at preakness) because she has the drunk parkinson's. About 5 seconds go by and she's still staring at me. I look back over and notice that she's peeing on herself. She honestly just stares at me, in front of a now empty urinal, as urine runs down her leg for 30 seconds - slightly losing her balance and readjusting every now and again. It was something out of a horror movie.


The End - preakness for most people ends like this or even better, like this. But our ending was a little different. We smashed all our chairs, waited for the last race - there is one more after the actual Preakness race - and left with a smile on our face. I also left with a new perspective on human dignity, self-control, and my life in general.

Resumation

The blog will return the night of August 16th.

Chewy

The draft is looming but at least one element of it is lame...

Speed. So I was perusing the NFL Combine the other day during the 40-yard dash and I started wondering. The obsession with 40 times is evident, but should that be the case? Let's take a look at some numbers comparing 5 running backs and linebackers.

RB
Ladainian Tomlinson - 4.54
Larry Johnson - 4.56
Frank Gore - 4.66
Reggie Bush - 4.33
Steven Jackson - 4.45

LB
Ray Lewis - 4.8
Brian Urlacher - 4.62
Shawne Merriman - 4.61
Lavar Arrington - 4.55
Derrick Brooks - 4.56

Well I was hoping for less parity but I suppose I can roll with this for now. The difference between the fastest time (Bush) and the slowest time (Ray ray) is .47 seconds. Putting this into a ratio I can work with - that means Reggie is 11% faster than MurderInc. For sake of numbers I'll say 10% faster.

Where am I going with this?

Well a football field is 53 yards wide. A race to the sideline on a handoff - call it a sweep - means Reggie has at most 3 yards to turn up field (10% of 26 yards). That's about the only play that can maximize the speed advantage by ignoring everyone else on the field. Well I suppose a reverse would yield a 6 yard advantage to turn up field with the speed difference but there is a bigger thought in play here.

Speed in the NFL does not matter. Everyone is fast. Taking one player over the other because of a 4.3 vs a 4.5 is terrible logic. Just off the top of my head I can think of several much, much more important means to generate space in the NFL than speed - blocking, juking, route running, timing of delivery - all of those have infinitely more space generating potential than speed. If you hear on draft day Mel Kiper or anyone else say, "well it just came down to speed," then be very disappointed because that means your team didn't do a good enough job finding differences in the numerous other more important factors.

quick Sweet...

I'll take a moment on this note to recognize the human joystick recently acquired by the Rams. Behold. I hate how that video reminds me this was all in 2003. I don't really care though, the excitement potential is more palpable than the actual impact he'll probably have. In case you were wondering, he ran a ... well I can't even find it. It's irrelevant anyway.

PS - I chose the chicken dance over the more inappropriate DMX track. Even though I showed discretion here, know that I'll be listening to DMX before kick on September 9th.

back to lame...

The drought will continue. Well I had to get this post out before the draft this Saturday so that my reader can see how obsessed the draft is with speed. But the drought unfortunately will go on.

Buckle Your Seatbelt

Man do I have alot for you today. Onward...

Before I get into what's been on my mind I must first open on an incredibly somber note and the definition of lame...

April 10th, 2007. As you may have read or seen on TV, Adam Pacman Jones was suspended for the entire 2007 season. The magnitude of this travesty should not be understated. Open this in a new window and allow me to translate properly (read the espn date first, then my date):

July 13, 2005: Two weeks before training camp, Jones is arrested by Nashville police for stomping a dude that was trying to act, like he was trying to do something outside the club.

Sept. 5, 2005: Six days before the season opener, a female valet attendent kept insisting that Pacman give her his number or she would steal his car*. In response to the badgering, Pacman had a loud, verbal tantrum and refused to pay for the valet service.

Oct. 25, 2005: 5 days before the eighth game of the season, Jones feels like getting his drink on forgetting that his probation officer was a hater. The judge extends his probation 90 days.

Feb 6, 2006: Adam's mother, Deborah, and his friend, Marcus, plant marijuana in Jones' Bugle Boy jeans (pictured). When complying with handcuffs, Marcus yelled to Pacman, "you won't do it!" referring to taking a swing a cop. Jones allegedly refused to be shown up and will appear in court later this month to face obstruction charges.

March 23, 2006: A Fayette County SWAT team searches the home Jones bought for his momma. Jones arrived at the house in an offensively pimped out Corvette singing Three6Mafia's Stay High. The Corvette had been recently attacked by a skunk and Police mistakenly took Packman's singing to be a confession.

April 18, 2006: Police see this video footage at a gas station and jump to a lot of wild conclusions. No arrests were made but the boiled crawfish were enjoyed by everyone.

Aug. 25, 2006: Toya Garth and Adam Jones experience similar quarrels described by Project Pat at the 1:30 mark. Jones may have been drunk.

Oct. 26, 2006: At Club Mystic Jones told a girl that she was a tip drill* and that, "it must be your ass, cuz it ain't your face" and she accused him of assault with dollar bills (the 6:18 mark). (Ok this video is insanely offensive, I'm so sorry... omg) Pacman justifiably blames Nelly in police reports.

*I may have gone too far

Feb. 19, 2007: No charges have been brought against Jones.


Lets be real people - he degrades women, drinks alot, probably smokes alot and doesn't like to be stepped to. Am I talking about Pacman Jones or last Saturday night??? I can't even believe this. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills over here. What a bunch of hypocrites. April 1oth should be a national memorial day.

Speaking of Mr. Jones - the following has made my month its so sweet...

You may never catch Mr. Jones. The irony behind that lyric in lieu of his 11 month delay in album release I will not comment on... Enjoy a song of epic proportions. It has the feel of something incredible doesn't it? Whispers, ominous single rings of a bell, great crescendos and what can only be described as the most terrifying laugh I have ever heard. That laugh is one of upcoming terror. I feel like New Orleans heard this laugh before Katrina. How about this video too. He just keeps evolving right in front of us. First he had no deal (who) and now he has taken the diamonds from his teeth and encrusted the grill of his car with them. Man I miss Mike. That's why this is so hard. I'm still SO bitter about his delay. The end of Mr. Jones where he tells me to look out for American Dream - thanks man, I haven't been doing that since LAST SUMMER. But then he releases this and it just washes away. I think it's because I like what he's got. This won't be the last you hear from me about Mr. Jones.

ps - and movie??? I'm sure I won't touch upon that.

Get Money, Stay True. Paul Wall's newest. It's sound advice I suppose. My first impression of this album was that it was unremarkable - I was wrong. Like a stout beer I needed to give it my full commitment rather than an initial taste. I was actually so distraught about his new album after the first go around that I began to reflect. What I realized is that his first album took some time to appreciate as well, and I can listen to that one almost all the way through. I'm not that sold yet for Get Money, Stay True, but I will let you in on my favorite songs thus far: The single - he showed some versatility with his Steve Kerr line, don't think I didn't notice. This beat is impressive. He tried something new with How Gangstas Roll and I liked it. If you want the album just let me know.

The Chahhhhhhhhmpyyyyohhhhhhhns. With the quality of soccer I've been watching lately this song is starting to give me goosebumps. At least Espn is showing both legs of each game this time instead of one leg of each. The goals have been incredible.

AC Milan 2-2 Bayern Munich Leg 1: What an exciting game to watch. It appeared Bayern was going to get completely housed by a terrible pk call when van Buyten struck again in the most timely of manners. They were nearly identical plays. The announcer for that play is incredible. He makes me so happy.

PSV Eindhoven 0-3 Liverpool Leg 1: This series ended quite quickly didn't it. Hell, if Steven Gerrard impresses me then I should hope Liverpool is winning. Enjoy an inspirational left foot from Riise. Or rather, a thunderbolt. Crouchy nailed the coffin shut with a typical Crouch header.

Chelsea 1-1 Valencia Leg 1: This goal from Silva is one of those shots that I won't get over. This is my favorite coverage. His partner starts huffing right after it goes in. I may have soiled myself watching that live. Of course Chelsea comes back with the man that should change his name to "of course" - Drogba. His celebration is chuckling great.

Roma 2-1 Man Utd Leg 1: Still in it despite Paul Scholes' best effort to sabotage Man U. I expected that kind of thug-life from Rooney, but no, Rooney did this instead (what presence!). Whatever, Cristiano counts for 3 mortal men anyway. If the Champions League hasn't convinced you this man is the best there is then I don't know what you're watching. Cristi has me sitting up in my chair everytime he touches the ball (see next game).

For fear of having rushed through it - Paul Scholes is a complete moron. Both his fouls were easy, no-brainer yellows. And what was he thinking when he deliberately destroyed Totti after already being booked??? What an idiot - thank God we'll all get to see Cristiano on a bigger stage having overcome the worst plays I've seen in a long time from Mr. Scholes.

Man Utd 7-1 Roma Leg 2: I refuse to comment on this game. Go to youtube and look up the highlights yourself. (Still stunned).

ps - I just heard the british announcer during the highlights refer to this game as a "mauling." Hilarious.

Valencia 1-2 Chelsea Leg 2: Of course Valencia goes up 1-nil and Chelsea comes back blah blah. Shevchenko scores on a typical Chelski dead ball and Essien fools the keeper and blasts their way into the semis. Damn you Chelsea - they really are the Yankees of the Premier League.

Right now the Liverpool 2nd leg isn't over yet and I don't know the score (and don't want to go to April 11th on score page of Espn) so I'll report on this in later.

Before I forget -

I've picked a Premier League team. Drum roll please - its actually not that exciting - bahm bad da dummmmmm... Arsenal. Jim and I spoke about it and decided a few things. First, I clearly love Titi Henry, like Van Persie, Fabregas, Rosick of the sicker, and Eboue. Even though Jim liked them first, I can still like them now too because English soccer isn't as popular as it should be. With little coverage here and few friends of mine that follow certain teams, Jim and I might as well like the same team so that we can talk about games and stuff. Enjoying this together we've decided is better than picking rivals and pretending to dislike each other when they play. So Gunners it is - they were my #1 anyway, now I don't have to settle for my #2.

And what better time to pick them up when the wheels have absolutely come off. But I'm not ready to talk about that.

Rappers and diamonds. So the other day I was listening to Bling Bling by the Cash Money Millionaires and heard a lyric, "everythang's been trillion cut." Naturally I assumed they were exaggerating like they always do (see: platinum football field). I wouldn't be writing this though if I weren't wrong. Also the other day I was looking up cuts of diamonds - apparently they mean something - and would you know it, trillion cut was on there! So my apologies to the Cash Money Millionaire's, I thought you guys were just being crazy assholes when in reality you were outclassing me. Have rappers been doing this alot... I may need to check this.

Accidents happen. I've been listening to alot of latin music ever since my return from the Dominican and Sergio Mendez Mas que Nada has been one of them. When trying to find the version without the black eyed lames on youtube I found this... it's not the most incredible compilation I've ever seen but the music pleasantly makes the goals more enjoyable. If your hips start moving do not be alarmed.

Last but not least. As I'm sure you noticed - I've changed the title of the blog (Jim's idea). I would love some feedback.

I'm not ready to talk about:

Chris Carpenter. The Cardinals.