Wanderings

Lets get right to it

The following is sweet...

Graffiti. So as you reader(s) know I'm in the District right now and I take the metro every day to get to class. If you've ever been in the DC metro you know that there are poster advertisements everywhere. They are about 3 feet by 3 feet and spread throughout the walls.

Also prevalent in the Balto-Wash area is snitch prevention (preventers pictured, right). The Stop Snitching movement and the metro advertisements have something hilariously in common. One of the many advertisements I pass during my commute happened to be advertising an extermination service. The ad pictured an upside down (dead) cockroach and some company name I can't remember right now. Some prankster, who I'm assuming is a student of the Stop Snitching University, took a red sharpie and drew an arrow to the dead cockroach. I actually didn't want to risk messing this image up, so I did the best I could on Microsoft Paint. What he did is pictured below (and eerily accurate I might add).

Apparently Sargent Polley was slain for what I have to assume was snitching. Other officers take note.

*Also apparent to me is that the metro crew did not find this as humorous as I because it was taken down after 3 days. It is clever, you have to give Melo that...

OJ Simpson. So I took a cheap shot at OJ last week with the murderer joke. He was proven innocent in a court of law and I should respect that. What I came to realize is that I didn't even really remember vital details of the trial. In fact,

Rumor Has It... that E! True Hollywood Story covered the OJ trial and reported that Nicole Brown was stabbed 70 times. I remember this detail specifically because one of my friends (that will remain unnamed) cracked a joke that it takes him less than 70 times to jerk off. Now you know why I would remember. Anyway, I decided to let google settle this quandary. I searched for:
how many times did oj simpson's wife stabbed
and the title of the first page that comes up is great. I won't tell you what it is because you need to experience this yourself - so copy and paste above in google and enjoy the first link that pops up.

Where was I, ah yes, details. Well after I stopped laughing I checked the autopsy report - which I will include just as a source, its quite gross, and if you're squeemish, I don't recommend reading it . Well the autopsy reported 7 stab wounds. Which is quite different from seventy, E!.

Gosh, E!, you should really fact check that next time.

I'll be honest, the whole point of this was to remind everyone how hot Nicole was. Look at how hot she is!! ---->


If she broke up with me and I was a really successful and rich football player I probably would have freaked out and murdered her and her boyfriend too. Although if I'm pretending I'm OJ, that didn't actually happen. That's just a hypothetical. I didn't murder anyone.

I also would like to express my grievance over the bad name that Broncos received. I was going to buy a bronco and everyone kept make comments like, "oh, where are you going??", "what are you running from", or "did you just kill your estranged wife???" Real funny guys.

*PS - I wrote this segment before the Vegas arrest... hopefully this isn't too much Juice for one week.

The rest of this post falls strictly under the lame...

Craigslist scams. I wasn't actually scammed per sae. This is only thanks to my great street sense. Here is the situation - I was campaigning for a queen/full mattress to upgrade from the lousy twin I had to endure throughout undergrad. I shotgun emailed several sellers and one response in particular seemed to stand out amongst the rest. Here is the transcript:
My email

Hi, Is the mattress still available? I can pick it up tonight. (My name, now edited because of an effing google search)
410.555.5555

He responded with a phone call that went something like this:

You called about the mattress. Ya its still available. You can pick it up at
1:30 in the morning. Bring cash. Do you want directions?

I was unsure if I wanted the mattress anymore - shocking, I know. I told him I already found a mattress, thanks. He then responded to my email the next day

Jon Jon T
Re: mattress 9/6/2007 10:57

yes

No typos there. That's been pasted. Needless to say I may be done with Craig and his list. I've somehow managed to avoid a vicious mugging thus far, I might as well quit the game on top.

The Mike Vick Experience. There is so much I want to write about this saga. This, however, is not the proper forum. I would like to clear up some things that have been bothering me though.

The dogs are not forced to fight: I think somehow this has been lost. Mike Vick doesn't get into the ring and make the dogs fight. The dogs are so angry at each other, they choose to fight. Not much should be shocking thus far. Yes yes, if the dogs don't actually fight, they will probably be murdered, but the dogs don't know this. Moments before being drowned they don't bark to their dog friends the consequences of their non-violence. They wouldn't do that anyway, remember, the dogs hate each other.

The "rape" stand: This is a misnomer. No "rape" is occurring. The female dog is in heat, would like to mate, but is also very mean. We all know women like this. The "mating" stand simply immobilizes the female and prevents her from biting the male who is also willing to mate. I repeat, no rape occurs.

Eebs and I talked at length about the Mike Vick Experience and one of the hypotheticals we entertained was an equivalent scenario. By this I mean - what could possibly be the equivalent of the African American face of the NFL being charged with dogfighting? After hours and hours of discussion, we concluded that Peyton Manning would have to be filmed at an underground Hobo Fighting Championship, cheering like a madman and showering his homeless fighter with racial epithets. Reports would have to surface that Peyton Manning buys multiple vagrants off of the street, gives them illicit drugs to gain an advantage at fighting, and then never pays the hobo should he win. Just try and imagine your outrage.


Polar Bears. These beautiful, serene creatures are struggling. If you haven't read the report yet, 2/3 of the polar bears are to be extinct by the year 2050 due to the climate change. Just look at that fuzzy lil thing and be sad for her and her pup. Two out of three of her friends are going to be dead. You know what else is occuring by 2050 - recall that all the fish in the sea will be extinct as well. I promise I'm not trying to mock climate change - it's just that ridiculous.


I'm not ready to talk about.

The cardinals. The rams.