Strictly Sports

Waiter, for starters I would like the cheese sampler.

The NFL

What I know: The Patriots, Colts, Cowboys and Packers are the only teams that matter. Pittsburgh's defense is overrated (if you even think they have a good defense) and since their style of play mandates that they have a good defense, they don't matter. The Jaguars have Del Rio, who has flown under the radar as a terrible playoff coach for too long. The Chargers have a bad defense, a bad quarterback, and without HOF fullback L. Neal blocking for LaDainian, a diminished running game. The Seahawks can always spoil things, but not so much on the road. The Bucs are OK at everything, but great at nothing.

The Browns are the only team I think can really stir things up. They are a cold weather team. The have a good O-line and apparently a good quarterback. Leigh Bodden is arguably the best corner in the league and you didn't even know (not you Eebs). The only problem is that they actually have to make the playoffs and believe it or not, this depends on whether or not Adam bet on them to win the division. He's Cleveland's anti-muse.


What I don't know: How much Dwight Freeney's injury is gonna hurt the Colts. Who the Patriots really are as a team. You have to admit the parallels to the '04 Colts are eery. What I don't know is if the Pats really can't run the ball and if their defense is as bad as they have looked. This leads me perfectly into


What I want: I want the Patriots to lose to the Dolphins, beat the Giants to keep them out of the playoffs, then lose to anyone in the playoffs. Anyone but the Pats can win the superbowl for all I care, so long as the games are good.


The verdict - the NFL is lame.


The NHL

What I know: The Blues are a legit contender this year and the Red Wings are even better. The Flyers, typical for Philly, are the dirtiest team in the league and like Bono, a big piece of shit. I also know why the Blues were so bad after the rule changes and why they are now legit. The Blues, the year before the rule changes, had built up good, lumbering defensemen who were perfect for clutch and grab hockey. The new rules skewered them for that and our defensemen have since come around. So much so that we arguably have the best defensive lines in the league.

What I don't know: Everything else. I have never fully caught up with the NHL since the strike. Jason and I did an exercise where one of us would name a hockey player, and the other would have to guess what team he was on (or if he was even playing anymore). Jason won with 2 correct answers out of 50. I got Joe Sakic and he got Brodeur and Cheechoo.

I also don't know what's up with Crosby and the Pens. I watched Jason's team alot last year mainly because they were on TV and also because the Blues depressed me.

What I want: The BlueNotes to make the playoffs and give me playoff hockey that I've been missing so much. And as always, a Canadian team to not win the cup.

The verdict, the NHL is sweet


The NBA

What I know: The Cavs and the Lakers are going to be just fine. The Suns and the Mavs are flawed just like last year. The Magic and the Hornets have promising futures. The Pistons and the Celtics are teams that the Spurs should fear and of course, never count out the Warriors.

What I don't know: Can the Celtics stay healthy and remain ageless once playoff time comes around? I don't know how serious Tim Duncan's injury is nor do I know if the Spurs have this insane drive to cement their legacy that Popavich apparently has (so I've read). I also don't know if the supporting casts for Kobe and Lebron can improve enough throughout the season to make this year different from last year.

What I want: I want the NBA to be entertaining. This means that Kobe, Lebron, the Suns, and the Warriors all experience some success. I want the Celtics to get swept first round (Can you tell I hate Boston yet?). I want Kobe to shoot 85% from the field, take 20 shots, average 45, 12 and 8 only to lose. I want similar things for Lebron.

What I really want is for the Warriors to win it all. For Stephen Jackson to buy a nightclub in New York, rig the sprinkler fire alarms with Moet and set them off with weed smoke. I want Hillary Clinton at this party to be photographed flashing Mitt Romney and Don Nelson videotaped "cranking that" (and then rumored to have superman'd Britany Spears later that night). I want Juvenile, TI, BunB, Lil Boosie, Snoop, Dre, Paul Wall and Wheezy F Your Reverend all in attendance and I want a rumor to break out that PacMan Jones opened fire in the club but Stephen Jackson "caught and disposed” of the fired rounds. I also want photos of Mike Vick slapping up Pimp C in the VIP room and when asked about it, I want Bob Costas (also in attendance) to confirm it completely deadpan.




The English Premier League


What I know: Arsenal convinced me (recently) that they can hold off Man Utd. Chelsea and Liverpool will not be in contention. Chelsea because of injuries and coaching and Liverpool because of team strategy and personnel.


What I don't know: Is Man City for real? Will Torres and Tevez (hopefully) continue their success? Why did I think the song lyrics were, "Arsenal the best!" instead of "Arsenal F C!" But that's neither here nor there.


What I want: For Cesc and Adebayor to continue icing the erotic cake of love. That means to keep scoring. Sorry. I also want for Cristiano to stay healthy because he is a privilege to watch.



The Serie A

What I know: My mother bought me a Juventus replica (away) when she was in London and so now I’m a Juve fan. I figure this is how it happens when you’re a kid, why not now. Anyway, all I know is that Kaka is in this league and not on Juve (gulp). We do however have one of my favorite under appreciated forwards of all time in David Trezeguet – cleverly nicknamed, David Trezegol – which is also clever because he’s the leading goal scorer. So clever.

What I don’t know: How Inter ran away with the league.

What I want: For Juve to catch Roma and sign Carlos Bueno. Jim knows this.

The MLB

What I know: The Mitchell report was really stupid. It may reveal something about my fanhood but I could not care less.

What I don’t know: Anything about next year, and in particular, just how bad the Cardinals are going to be. Baseball is Josh Hancock to me.

What I want: Is that significant? (A special thanks to Eebs for this one).


I'm not ready to talk about:
How good Trezegol looks in that picture.

Happy Holidays everyone