To the left, to the left

Everything you own is in a box to the left. More on this later.

The following I feel is supremely sweet...

Guitar Hero? Yes please. I am officially sold. I had the good fortune to stumble across Guitar Hero 2 this winter break and my life has been changed. With addictive properties similar to cocaine, Guitar Hero (GH) challenges your coordination, decision making and more importantly your imagination. Like any good video game the "expert" setting is unthinkably difficult for a beginner but certainly not hopeless. The strumming button/feature is near flawless and I feel truly carries the game. Playing intricate cords and working the crowd to songs by The Police, Rage, and Nirvana is eerily rewarding.

Unlike Dance Dance Revolution, which I feel one needed to be bi-curious to play, success at GH is actually cool. My founding father Jim Stanley first started raving about this game a few months ago and when I watched him play on expert I actually had the thought - one could probably pickup girls by being good at this game. For all of the aforementioned reasons I am currently on the market for the game and the necessary guitar. That is, as soon as I recover from being booed off the stage when I tried to play "Free Bird" by Lynard Skynard on medium. Those heckles still echo in my soul. Plus it didn't help that Jeff and Jim started booing along with the game. Not cool.


Don't you ever get to thinking you're irreplaceble. You must not know about me. You must not know about me. I can have another you - in a minute. And in fact he'll be here - in a minute. Babayyyyyy. If I had to chance, I would guess that Beyonce Knowles has been putting men in their place since she was nine. I envision her on the playground in third grade with huge sunglasses covering her face, saying "Psssh" and blowing the hair out of her face before turning her back on a boy that wanted to play tag. Watch the first 30 seconds of the video and you'll be convinced. The 1:50 mark also makes you say, daaaaaaaaaaang. Or it did to me.
If you think you can
approach this woman at a
bar, you must not know
about her.

Whatever, we may be looking at the next Arethra Franklin meets Oprah and if that just scared you - good.

Although Beyonce is certainly in my sweet graces I would like to take this time to note that this section would have been posted much sooner had the first 27 seconds of Alarm not raped my ears.


The single greatest 30 seconds MTV has ever edited. On the new season of The Hills, Lauren's Teen Vogue boss (Lisa Love) made me the happiest man on earth. For those of you who don't watch The Hills, I'm proud of you, seriously, but you will not understand this section so feel free to skip ahead with your head held high.

The happiest TV moment of 2007 goes something like this: LC's boss calls in Whitney and Lauren and asks about Paris with a subtle tone of "I told you so." MTV could have left me satisfied if they had just showed Whitney gushing about the experience, wide-eyed and occasionally looking at LC as if not to exclude her from the conversation. But no, this is Music Television damnt. Lisa Love, LC's boss, then turns to Lauren like she would a disappointed terrier and says, "Lauren didn't go to Paris. She'll forever be known as the girl who didn't go to Paris." Lauren can only stare back at her in absolute emotionless amazement as MTV changes camera angles perfectly. If MTV had panned to me, I would have pretended to have a heart attack to ease the tension in the room a bit. Oh but it doesn't end there, this is Music Television damnt. Then Lisa says frankly, "Lauren stayed at home to be with her boyfriend on the beach. And how did that work out for you???" Amazing. I can guaranSheed that Liz Gateley paid Lisa Love to say that. Don't worry Liz, your money was extremely well spent.


"Grab an umbrella," is the advice Wheezy F. Your Reverend has for his listeners should he have a "fat stack." This advice of course is given several times in the new Fat Joe track. If you just thought, who?, albeit only for a moment after you read "Fat Joe," I can understand. You're also thinking of Big Pun anyway so it shouldn't matter. Either way, Fat Joe's decline is an intriguing one with a hilariously unfortunate timing issue. After Big Punisher died in the year 2000 (note year) as a direct result of his morbid obesity, Fat Joe began officially calling his posse/essence the "Terror Squad." After 9/11 (2001) Fat Joe had to have wished he reconsidered. Whether it was too late or Fat Joe was simply out of touch with the American public, he stuck with Terror Squad and much like his health, began a slow decline.

But have a spoken too soon? Any rapper who needs a booster shot must do nothing more than hire the services of Wheezy Baby. Listen for yourself. My favorite part is the 55 second mark when a stack of money is thrown at the camera, strikes the camera, and moves it the requisite amount.

If your conscious pricks up a bit when Wayne keeps saying, "I'm in this business of terror," you know why Fat Joe and his Terror Squad may still be in for some struggles.


The following I must sigh and think of as lame...

Hippie leadership. I demand to know the hippie in 1965 that decided to start the revolution at the intersection of Haight and Ashbury (in San Fran). I can guarantee one group of peyote slackened revolutionaries in a moment of drug induced revelation thought - Hey man, did you ever notice Haight street is pronounced, "hate."

Well the movement as you know wasn't all that successful as by the 70s, Peace and Love-ers were
Oh snap bro!! I live on
666 Haight Street.

assassinating each other in the streets for drug money. Who knew heroin and LSD were insanely addictive? Oh wait (holding hand up to ear, looking down), I'm being told the Old West in the late 1800s was the first to realize morphine (a derivative of opiates) was so addictive that the first ever anti-drug law materialized. This law to prohibit the smoking of morphine was in reality a way to discriminate against the chinese, but still, two birds with one stone.


I'm not ready to talk about...

Why I didn't update for so long.