No Fergie, It is I, Not You, Who is Fergalicious

I've added a twist to the usual format today - see if you can follow.

The following I feel ihsnice as well as being sweet...

John Mayer is waiting, waiting for the world to change. Like many youth of our generation, the current environmental, foreign and even domestic challenges we face today cause John Mayer to feel a little down. He probably feels this twinge of hopelessness inbetween ectasy hits and multiple orgasms but that's why he's John Mayer and you're not. Gavin DeGraw does too, but not in the same way - I'll explain later. So Johnathan is surrounded by beautiful naked women painted his favorite colors and he writes a song. A song based on a notion that most artists, post 70s era of course, ruin their careers with. This empirically dangerous idea is to bitch about humanity/leadership/you.

You may remember the self-destruction of Kanye West. It's been too long since you've seen the loss of composure, trust me. Oh my goodness that is unthinkably hilarious. I hope you all, and by you all I mean my two readers, noticed Chris Tucker looking backstage to a producer that just threw up on a tech. Do you think Kanye left the stage after the cameras cut away or is he still standing there with incoherant thoughts paralyzing him? But all of this is neither here nor there, what I'm getting at is that if Mayer had chosen the Black-Eyed Peas route, he'd end up like, well, probably the Black-Eyed Peas.

I'm referring of course to the lamest of lames, Where is the love?, by Fergie's posse. Putting this link up pains me - know that. I haven't seen the video and refuse to watch it, so I'm only commenting on the lyrics even though I'm sure the video will make me break my laptop. Allow me to do a little compare and contrast here with lyrics from Mayer's newest hook-up song and my nemesis.

Mayer:

When you trust your television what you get is what you got, Cuz when they own the information, they can bend it all they want.

Ok John, I see what you're saying, the media does have alot of power.

Black Eyed Lames:

What's wrong with the world, mama, People livin' like they ain't got no mamas.

Oh God f-ing damn't black eyed peas - that's the first line. The first. Try again, I'm still conscious,

Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug.

I don't even think I know what they're talking about. John, your retort:

One day our generation Is gonna rule the population So we keep on waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change.

Unabrasive, kinda catchy, true. This certainly didn't hurt John. In fact, I can say it already helped as I have downloaded it for free whereas I wouldn't have had I not wanted to hear the song again. I'm acquiring the album soon, we'll see how that goes.


Continuing with the lame...

I am Fergalicious, not Fergie. My claim seems just as reasonable as hers. Whether it's her lumps, her bridge, or how delicious she tastes, Fergie will sing about nothing else but hers truly. I wonder how long they'll ride this out. Can't you see them sitting around a table brainstorming about potential songs and Fergie keeps bringing up herself, "What about Fergidiculous... I got it,

Fergie's good looks have
ruined this man's chance to
sing real lyrics in purposely
broken English. Thanks
Stacey.

Fergiscrumtralescent... well, that doesn't work, but I think it should include me."
The only, and I mean only, thing I'll give Stacey Ann Ferguson credit for is that at least she is setting a decent example to her younger female listeners. Note, she may be Fergalicious, but she "ain't promiscuous." Take that Nelly - you whore.


Back to what sweet...

Gavin DeGraw is Bill Braskey. Jim and I once had a conversation wondering about Gavin DeGraw and his sexual prowess. We decided that after Gavin does a show, he sits backstage in his room, upset, telling beautiful groupies to take their shirts off and then leave immediately. When the girls would ask why they couldn't copulate with him, he'd simply yell in their faces, "Because I am Gavin DeGraw!" The questions and offers girls would ask the all-knowing Gavin DeGraw kept getting more and more ridiculous. "Can I birth your child Gavin? Can I carry you in my womb for 9 months?" the women would plead. Jim and I eventually started speaking in the 3rd person, kinda like the Bill Brasky sketch, and stopped once I said, "I will give birth to an army of children that I want to be Gavin's slaves. I'll ask Gavin if he wants the children and Gavin will answer, if he feels like it."

At the time I didn't even really know who Gavin DeGraw was - now that I know, I still stand by my statements.

Uruguay. Not just spectacular horses and ultra-exclusive coastlines anymore. We're headed for some real change. Check this out from The Economist:

77% of Uruguayans say democracy is preferable over any other government. I like the number, but even better than that is where Uruguay ranks compared to the rest of South America. First. Bam. That, just happened.
How about Paraguay there with an embarrassing 30% "Yes" vote to, "In certain circumstances, an authoritarian government can be preferable to a democratic one." Paraguay just became that awkward dude at the party nobody really has the courage to ask to leave. Wow.

The Lady Terps. I watched the Maryland-UNC women's game the other night and I enjoyed it tremendously. The ladies lost, but Frese has those girls playing nuts. Maryland was down 20 at one point during the second half and fought back 67-66 with 3 to go. Exciting stuff. Ivory Latta was on display too for UNC. Ludacris has been known to attend some of her games. I like that. Lamont Jordan was at the game sitting courtside supporting the girls too. No Luda, whatev.

Oh, and, Imaybeattendingawomen'sgame. That is all.

Back to lame...

Ending sentences with prepositions. I've actually done it a few times this entry. Did you notice? I'm sure Jim did, that asshole. But the joke is on you Jimbo - I did it on purpose so that you would subconsciously agree with my point. I, of course, have been listening to "Make it Rain," by Fat Joseph a fair amount and one line sticks out.
"Now why is everybody so mad at the south for?" When the 1:45 mark comes I usually hear it like this: Now why is everybody so mad at the south. For.
Listen to the song and you'll see how much you notice.

Nutrisystem, the commercial. Dan Marino endorses the product and he's brought his friends. In fact, thanks to nutrisystem, Dan is back at his playing weight. So seems to be Cris Carter and Don Shula. John Krux... not so much. My favorite line he says goes something like, "Now my wife doesn't think I'm as disgusting!" That's just not true Kruxy, she still thinks you're disgusting.

I'm not ready to talk about:

D.R.