The following is much like that mini-bottle of marmelade (pictured), sweet...
I Pardon You, Mr. Gobbles. Upon further inspection, its name is May. The President did the deed twice this year and pardoned May's back-up*, Flower as well. The names of the pardoned turkeys are actually quite clever.
2006 - Flyer and Fryer2005 - Marshmallow and Yam
2004 - Biscuit and Gravy (my personal favorite)
2003 - Stars and Stripes (boooooo!)
Stars and Stripes? That's lame...
If you looked at that picture and thought, "that looks tasty..." For shame. If you looked at May and thought, "oh that's nice, go be free and live out all those turkey dreams you May...have." Good pun, but turkeys raised on farms are so overweight these days
that the pardoned turkeys go on to die 2-3 months later. This is because their poor little turkey hearts can't bear the load of pumping blood to their morbid bodies. Morbidly delicious bodies I might add. At least they didn't end up like (from left to right) Snitch #1, Snitch #2, Snitch #3 and Guilty By Association. --->So in summary, turkey's are a snitching species and are treated as such. The End.
*I have no idea what a back-up turkey is.
Mini-size Me. The Thanksgiving people over at Swiss Colony understand my will power issues. If you are like me, you tend to
eat too many appetizers before the big meal. It's kind of like too much kissing before sealing the deal - you're still gonna finish your meal, but you're kind of upset you ate so many damn appetizers. Fear not, Swiss Colony makes it awkward to eat all three summer sausages, even though they are the size of your pinky. What's that, you've taken a normal bite of the smoked cheddar? Way to go selfish, now the other 7 people can't have any, th
ey have to settle for pepper-jack. And they hate pepper-jack. Thanks Swiss Colony for helping me justify screaming at my selfish brother-in-law.Football. I mention this in particular because it's 12:28, and the GreenBay-Detroit game is about to start. Phew, now I don't have to talk to anyone not watching the game. Plus I started Donald Driver on my fantasy team just to add some reason to cheer.
Shaun Rogers is really fat*. He had too many appetizers --->
*Nothing personal Shaun, but I would probably look bad in HD too.
Damn You Pam Oliver. Stop distracting my boy Donald Driver.
The following is a horse with a limp, lame...
English Media/Fans. England lost 3-2 to the Croats yesterday to be eliminated from the Euro Cup. Why am I calling out the media/fans? They consistently hate on Peter Crouch and even more unthinkable, David Beckham. One of the two of these extremely likable and valuable players did not start and the other one wouldn't have if it weren't for injury (Becks and RoboCrouch respectively). Down 2-1, Beckham one-times a ball on a cross over one defender and onto Crouch's chest, who buries it. I cannot express adequately just how impressive this cross is. The third replay shows it all. It's in fact, such a ridiculous cross, I'm done writing about this. England, you got what you asked for - complain till your vocal chords burst about the coach and the midfield and the injuries and the under-achieving. Your best player sat out the first half, and I haven't read about that once since the loss.
and in case you were wondering, I am officially in panic mode and
Not ready to talk about:
Uruguay WCQ.
Have a great Thanksgiving.
3 comments:
It's all true. There's no need for me to even write in my blog anymore when you read my mind re: Beckham like that.
that hurts - no one here - what is that about because i'm all the way in the district! Let me guess, you are all for taxation without representation arent you. But i am confused, you have so much hatred towards england, yet you beieve what they did! Meh, you're all verkochte. Fuck Kansas.
the only reason i posted that is because it says Fuck Kansas
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