FIBA (second round): Uruguay vs. USA

Espn classic get ready. Sportscenter prepare for an emergency 2am special update. You read it here first. Its 10:40 and in 20 minutes Uruguay is going to play the United States in basketball. I can't wait.

Enjoy a live play by play of the game. No editing, no takebacks, only spellcheck. I'll add pictures during commercials - if there are any of Uruguay.

10:43 - Baseball tonight is on. Vlad just hit a fastball at his eyes over 150 meters. Jeff just asked me if I knew any players on the team. I don't. He then followed up with, "Its probably just going to be your soccer team."

10:44 - Commercials. Mute. This guy needs a home. Or rather, he needs insurance. Farmers Helppoint can help.

10:47 - Zambrano's on the mound. This game is of interest. Apparently Suppan hasn't won in 9 weeks. That's a quote. Kurkjan immediately says, "that's ridiculous." BeerMakers win. Good. Beat the crap out of eachother you two.

10:50 - Oswalt almost turns his ankle. If I knew Oswalt was on the mound I would have (holy crap Edmonds does it again) bet my life on the Astros winning. We can't touch him. Jimmy World had an absolutely silly catch. Whatever, I already knew the outcome.

10:54 - Mute. The anticipation builds throughout the silence. If we win when I'm doing a play by play of this... well I can't even imagine that. I may die at my computer. I'll have to have Jeff publish it posthumously.

10:57 - Let's goooooooo (Ortiz hits the third deck. Yanks win)

10:58 - The Gems. I'm beginning to think the barehand is overrated. Jimmy World made #1. He has to be used to it. Add it to the list.

10:59 - "Tip is in two minutes."

11:00 - "Uruguay provides the challenge tonight as the US tries to keep their record unblemished." He pronounced it correctly - Nice. The game is Vegas. The spread has to be 60. I wonder if it's up (checking).

11:02 - Carmelo hurt is heel... start the excuses. Oh wow, Lebron can dunk it. Ho hum. Esteban Batista from the Atlanta Hawks. I didnt' know that. He punched a Canadian. Then punched a different guy on the floor and grabbed his johnson. I love it.

11:03 - Mazzarini, Osimani, Aguiar, Paez, Batista. Get used to those names. They'll all be in the L after this upset. I don't even care who is starting for the US.

11:04 - Tip. We won the tip. So far so good. BANGED A THREE. Uh oh. We're confident. Ranked 30th in the world. Lebron show-boats, Redd misses.

11:05 - I couldn't find it on sportsbook. I checked bodog and the site doesnt exist. US jacks and misses a three.

11:06 - great ball movement but we miss. Kidd makes a three. Lucky. And one for Batista. He has a sick tatoo of a sun on his arm. Peep the Uruguayan flag and you'll understand.

6-3 good guys.

11:07 - (I'm gonna go by game time now)
8:00 - no I'm not, its just as annoying

11:08 - Lebron jacks and forces. Mazzarino (that can't be how that's spelled) bangs a three. The replay shows that it was right in Lebron's face. Apparently we're a small nestled country the size of Washington. We're up 9-7.

11:10 - Mazzarino misses a wide open three. Announcers are worried. Jeff gets out of the shower and exclaims, "DANG YOU WINNIN!!!." Lebron hotdogs a pass. 9-9. Batista misses a free throw, goddamnt batista. 10-9.

11:11 - The announcers keep wondering why the US hasn't pulled away yet. Lebron finds an acorn. 10-12. I hate Bill Walton. Yes obviously if he can hit that shot he'll be good.

11:12 - Redd misses again. Keep passing Kobe, keep passing. Batista with an easy lay in. Our uni's ps are sick of the sicker. I may get one. 12-12. Kidd misses. Uruguay lay-up. Immediate time-out. Oh that Krzysewski face I've been missing for too long. God I love it. 14-12. Commercials. Mute. Phew - I needed a break, I'm giving you everything I got.

11:14 - They show Carmelo and the excuses continue. "His absence is showing." I scoff. Lebron finds another acorn. 14-15. Kobe with the lay-up. I missed the turnover it happened so fast. 14-17. Another turnover, another lay-up. 14-19. I may go to sleep.

11:16 - Three ball from Mazzarino. I'm up again. 17-19. Kobe misses a dunk. HA! I love Kobe though. Batista airballs followed with a US turnover.

11:17 - Clank. Kobe takes over. And one. Fuck. Batista with the foul. I'm sure he saying inappropriate things in Spanish. The announcers talk shit about Uruguay. 17-22. Deron Williams checks in (and Chauncey, and Mike Miller). I like this.

11:18 - Shot clock violation after great ball movement.

11:19 - 17-24. Another miss. Amare steps on the line and turns it over. He has a weird band-aid on his ear. Batista with the huge dunk. We're not intimidated apparently. Holla.

11:20 - Miss, Miss. Mike Miller sucks. Tayshawn lets his hair grow out and hits a 3. I like how every player is assuming a role they aren't good at.

11:21 - Shit. 19-29 and another TO. Amare to the line. ESPN has the LSU - Mississippi State countdown going. I can't wait for college football. I'm not changing the subject though. The US presses up 12. Assholes. Whatever, it leads to a Batista layup and that's the 1st. 21-29. Alright alright. I'm nodding my head and happy. Great shot before commercials of the Uruguayan coach laughing after Lebron hits a 3. That made my night.

11:23 - Mute. Kryzsweswki recruits via commercials. That's legal...

11:25 - I realize I don't know what FIBA stands for. JayZ and Beyonce are at the game. Jay is wearing a hilariously colored shirt. 21-33. Ummmm, great oop to Batista. Walton uses the word remarkable and he's absolutely right. 23-33

11:26 - Amare offensive not called. 23-35. Great pass idiot. Turnover Uruguay. Grab that pass damn't!! Tickytac foul. Couch K clearly worked the refs. Chauncey at the line. Lebron chewing his nails per usual.

11:27 - hahahahahhaha, they show Uruguay on a map. Walton highlights it and starts talking about the River Plate. 37-23. Batista gets swatted terribly. His confidence is gone.

11:28 - Ripped, Nice. 3 ball.... damnt. 3 ball.... damnt. Tayshawn dunks after the whistle T HIM UP!

11:29 - Uruguayan gets punched in the face. Really dirty play and the clock is stopped. Waiting for the replay. Chancey destroys him then Amare joins in just like he was born to do. No ejections.

11:30 - running 3 by some dude that needs to be taken out immediately. Batista with another flush. The announcers love it. 25-37. Montevideo was just shouted out. Yeah.

11:31 - Mike Miller sucks. Billups travels and is taken out. I love K. Lebron is back in. Ho hum. Kobe looks bored, this is good, keep him subdued. Lebron dunks and slaps the backboard. T HIM THE EFF UP. are there no rules in international basketball!!!awelfkjasd;lf

11:33 - Batista subs out, we're fucked. Cross, cross, stripped, way to go Martinez. Lebron off the glass. Jacked three. Lebron again. Announcers laughing, Melo on his feet. I just dozed off for a bit. 25-43.

11:35 - Replays of Lebron confirm unremarkable-ness of play. Walton is throwing out country names and struggling. TV timeout. 5 left to half. I just scrolled up, this is getting to be quite long. Maybe I'll tone it down a bit.

11:37 - Walton didn't know they went to commercial so he's still talking. Reach not called. Kobe almost makes me stop doing this. He's fouled rather hard. 25-45. Dang... that quick. We were doing well. Walton mentions we are the worst shooting team in the tournament. Oh.

11:38 - Banged another 3. 28-45. Kobe with a street cross. Get him outta there K. Missed the throw, he just may. 28-47.

11:39 - we try to force it to Batista, I understand boys. Lebron with, what's that? another dunk. Way to work on your game Lebron.

11:40 - 31-49 and we're on the break. Our PG pulls up for a runner from the free throw line. I refuse to type for 3 minutes now.

11:43 - 34-55 bad guys. Lebron is really lame. Kobe dunks. The camera men keep cutting to the bench after every dunk. Redd is shown this time with a fist in the air. Great work fellas. Mute. 2 to go till half.

11:45 - Apparently Lebron hasn't missed yet. 4-4 from 3, 24 points... stupid. Kobe with a reverse. Amare with another hard foul. This guy is a thug. Cut to Uruguay coach. Hand under chin, unamused. 38-61.

11:46 - Walton reminds everyone why Uruguayans don't look Mexican. 94% of Uruguay is of European background. See guys... see. Lebron with another dunk. This is stupid. He chooses not to shoot before half because he doesn't want to have a miss on his stats. What a bigidy bitch. Amare hits a 3. That may have done it. That 3 really hurt. 38-66. JJ Redick teaches me how to shoot at betterbasketball.com. If only he could teach how to suck when it matters most. Now I'm just bitter. I haven't updated the time anymore. It's 11:49.

To sleep I go. We had a real shot up until that lucky 3 by Thugamire.


Final thoughts

The US got all but 6 of their points from fast breaks. I think that may be our defense. I also don't think we shot inside the 3 point line and outside of the paint. That and way too many runners. I desperately want to know the spread.

The only thing I want is that when they show the highlights on Sportscenter tomorrow is for you reader(s) to not be impressed by the Lebron compilation. As unbiased as I can be, it actually wasn't that all that noticeable. The fact that he hadn't missed actually surprised me.

I've stayed up too long and see that we shot 36%. Now I'm actually turning it off.

I liked our squad though. Batista clearly dominated and our ball movement was alright. We jack shots like the WNBA though. That's all for me, goodnight. (sorry about the no pictures...)